


Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes

by simplymoa



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-26
Updated: 2011-12-14
Packaged: 2018-04-22 21:20:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 53,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4850951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplymoa/pseuds/simplymoa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eighth album.

_Just take a pebble and cast it to the silent sea, what does happen?_

Tommy walked past the fully stocked bar and headed straight for the back of the banquet hall. Opening the emergency exit, he stepped outside and quickly shut the door behind him. Taking a deep breath, he exhaled slowly as he put his foot up against the side of the building and leaned back.

He was well on his way to being drunk.

Pulling out his secret stash of emergency cigarettes, he brought one to his mouth and lit it. Inhaling slowly, he took in every ounce of flavor and then coughed up a storm while exhaling. Smoking was not his forte, a lesson he still hadn’t learned.

Closing his eyes, he immediately started to lose his balance. “Oh shit, I shouldn’t have had that last glass of whatever the hell it was.”

Hearing someone clear their throat, he opened his eyes and stood up straight. “Who’s there?” He looked both ways and desperately searched the immediate area in the darkness. “Hello?”

“Are you still trying to kill yourself with those damn things, Tommy Joe?”

Dropping the cigarette to the ground, he placed his foot on it and stamped the evidence out. “Killing myself with what damn things?” Focusing his eyes to the path directly to his left, he could finally make out a figure standing there in the darkness. “Is that you?”

“It depends on who you think it is.”

He smiled and staggered towards the figure. “It is you.” Once Tommy reached him, he threw his arms up and around his neck. “I thought you said you couldn’t make it.”

Adam pulled Tommy in close. “I didn’t think I I'd be able to, but I changed my plans.” He pulled back a little to see Tommy’s face, “How much have you had to drink, glitterbaby?”

Tommy sighed, rolling his eyes. “Too much.”

“Yeah, no kidding, do you think that’s such a good idea with the soon-to-be-in-laws?”

Tommy laughed loudly. “Fuck, now you sound like Amanda.”

Adam put his arm around Tommy’s shoulders and started to head towards the door. “Speaking of which, where is that fiancee of yours?”

“Inside, making the rounds.”

“Without her husband-to-be?”

Tommy stumbled across the dirt. “Honestly, she probably doesn’t even know I’m missing.”

“Somehow I doubt that,” Adam mumbled into Tommy’s ear. Once they reached the door, Adam dropped his arm and straightened his suit. “How do I look?”

“Impeccable, as always.” Tommy straightened his suit as well and smiled. He hated the black suit he was wearing, but he wasn't given a choice. Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. "And me?"

“Beautiful, as always.” Adam opened the door and motioned for him to go first. “Maybe just a little drunk too.”

Tommy snapped his head back, placing a finger over his mouth. “Shhh... Don’t tell anyone.”

Adam grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him back a little so that he could whisper to him. “Have I ever told anyone any of our secrets, glitterbaby?”

Tommy stifled his laughter. “Fuck, I hope not…”

Walking back into the room, he stopped to look around. Nothing changed. No one even moved. “Amanda’s gonna shit when she sees you. Let’s just hope that you don’t cause too much of a commotion.”

Adam stopped and pointed at himself. “Me?”

“Yeah, you.”

He grunted loudly. “And just how would I do that? You’re the drunk one, remember?”

Tommy found Amanda through the crowd and grabbed Adam’s hand. “You know what I mean, Mr. Rockstar.”

“Oh hell, don’t start with that shit again,” he moaned. “I’m on my time now, not rockstar time.”

Tommy looked back and smiled. “Like you’re ever on your time anymore. Get real.”

Adam mumbled a sarcastic reply to which Tommy was oblivious to. He was too busy trying to make his way through the crowd. Finally reaching his destination, Tommy dropped Adam’s hand and tapped Amanda on the shoulder.

He already knew that she’d probably ignore him. He could hear bits and pieces of her conversation. She was talking with someone about her latest role on Broadway, the exact same conversation she had had with everyone else and their brother. When he didn’t get any response from her, he tapped again.

Amanda glanced back quickly and held up her finger to indicate she would be there in another minute. Sighing, he looked back at Adam. “Now do you see why she probably didn’t even know that I was gone? Sorry.”

Adam nodded and winked at him. He knew exactly how Amanda was. They had been friends now for about ten years. He shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

As soon as Amanda heard Adam’s voice, she immediately excused herself and turned around. “Adam, I didn’t think you were coming, honey.” Walking up to him, she gave Adam a hug.

“I figured since I am a bestman and all, I should probably try to make it to the engagement party.”

Amanda pulled back and laughed. “You’re a good man.”

“If you say so.” Adam looked over at Tommy and laughed when he saw the look on Tommy’s face. “I think your fiance here needs another drink.”

Amanda looked at Tommy and frowned. “I don’t think so. He looks a little flushed to me already.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Amanda…” Adam shrugged. “I’m thinking he just looks bored.”

Tommy placed his hands on his hips. “Hellllloooo, I’m not deaf guys and I think Adam’s right, I need another drink.” He smiled sweetly at Adam and then at Amanda. “Care to join me?”

Amanda shook her head. “You two go ahead. I got some more schmoozing to do here.”

Adam laughed at Amanda’s choice of words. “Schmoozing?” He looked at Tommy. “Is this the same girl who used to go nude on stage with me?”

“That was a long time ago,” Amanda huffed, throwing her friend a dirty look.

Adam grabbed Tommy’s hand. “Not that long ago, honey… and don’t think I didn’t keep the pictures to prove it either.”

Amanda laughed and then cringed at the thought. “All right, all right, I’ll join you two later.” She turned her back to them and headed towards the table that had six ladies sitting at it, “Take care of my man, and don’t let him drink too much. You know my mother.”

Tommy rolled his eyes. “It’s our party, for crying out loud. Who gives a crap what she thinks?”

Amanda was already too far away to hear him, but Adam did and he squeezed Tommy’s hand tightly. “Isn’t she the one paying for this party?”

He shrugged. “So what?” Tommy stopped and searched the room thoroughly. “I don’t even see her anyway. I’ve probably already embarrassed her tonight as it is.”

“I see you haven’t changed.”

Tommy frowned and stood behind Adam when he walked up to the bar. “Nope, not at all.”

Adam looked back at him and flashed that million-dollar smile Tommy was so fond of. “Glad to hear it.”

**********

Their table had been quiet for a while now, and Tommy noticed Amanda glancing at her watch. “It’s two o’clock in the morning already, guys. We’ve been sitting here for over an hour now doing nothing.”

Adam jerked his head back. “Is that a bad thing?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant.” She looked over at Tommy. “You feeling okay, baby?”

Tommy smiled at her. “Just drunk… and horny.” He laughed and then winked at Amanda. Placing his hand on her thigh, he slowly started inching his way up.

“Hand-check, kids.” Adam leaned over and lifted up the tablecloth. “And just what do you think you’re doing, Tommy Joe?”

Tommy smiled at Adam, slurring, “Are you j-jealous?”

Adam shrugged. “Maybe…just a little.” He grabbed his drink and downed it. “And drunk too.”

“I think that makes three of us.” Amanda laughed, turning serious. “And what do you have to be jealous of?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Adam trailed off, letting his head drop back. “Everything, I suppose.”

Tommy brought his hand up and placed it on the table. “Lemme get…this straight…if I can. Mr. Adam Lambert, the…” He cleared his throat, looked over at Amanda and whispered, “We’re not allowed to mention the Rockstar thingie tonight.”

Adam laughed. “Now, now, I didn’t say you couldn’t mention that…I just said that I was on my time.”

Tommy ignored him and continued talking, “Mr. Lambert is jealous of us? Like you don’t have a million girls and boys fawning over you every second of every day.”

Adam frowned. “That’s not fair. It’s not the same thing. They don’t love me; they just want me.” He shook his head and laughed. “Does that make any sense?”

“Oh…like that’s a terrible thing. They just want you.” Amanda mock-laughed. “What I would give to live in your shoes for just one day.”

Tommy shot Amanda a look; “Oh, is that so, Ms. Baker?”

Adam started laughing so hard that he began coughing. “It’s not as great as you think, trust me.” He looked over at Tommy and then back at Amanda. “And what I would give to live in your shoes for just one day…”

Tommy smiled and leaned back in his seat. “Are you saying you want me, Mr. Lambert?”He hiccupped and turned to Amanda. “I think he wants me, dear. You better kick his butt or something…you know…protect my honor.”

Amanda looked over at Adam and teasingly got angry. “Hey, Adam, you want him or what?”

Adam’s eyes grew large. “Who wouldn’t?” Raising his eyebrows, he moaned. “Just look at him.”

Tommy batted his eyelashes. “Ah, thank you, Adam. You sure know the right things to say.” He stopped for a moment to collect his thoughts. “Maybe if we weren’t all so drunk, I’d actually believe you.”

“You don’t believe me?” Adam questioned, looking sad.

“Yeah right, Adam…” Tommy turned to Amanda and rolled his eyes. “We’ve all been friends for what?” He glanced at his watch. “Five years now.”

Amanda laughed. “Your watch tells time in years now, babe?”

Tommy lightly slapped her on the shoulder. “I’m drunk…leave me alone.” Tommy turned to Adam, scrunching up his nose in disgust. “You told me once I was like your brother.”

Amanda sat back and crossed her arms. “You’d do your brother?”

Adam laughed, shaking his head repeatedly back and forth. “That was a long time ago Tommy.” He shrugged his shoulders. “The real question is: would you do me?”

Tommy froze. This conversation was going to places he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go. He looked over at Amanda and half-smiled when he saw her staring him down.

Amanda raised her eyebrows. “Well?”

Tommy shrugged. “Well what?”

“Answer the man: would you do him?” Amanda leaned closer to him and whispered, “It’s okay, honey, you can tell the truth. I won’t get too upset. I’m drunk and besides…we’re not married yet.”

Tommy stared at her in disbelief. “Are you suggesting that I sleep with Adam?”

Amanda threw her arms up in the air. “Sure, why not. That would be hot.”

Tommy looked over at her and sat there dumbfounded. “Oh fuck, I can’t believe you.” He shifted in his seat. “You really are drunk, aren’t you?”

Amanda looked over at Adam and then back at Tommy. “Maybe you should take Adam here for a little test drive. You know, honey, you told me yourself that you have never been with a man, maybe…”

Oh shit, I can’t believe she just said that. Tommy stood up quickly. “Okay, you can shut up now. I don’t want everyone knowing my business.”

“Pluueazzzze, dear. Adam isn’t everyone; he’s a good friend.”

Adam started to shift uncomfortably in his seat now. Tommy noticed it and looked over at him. “Sorry about this, Adam. You’ll have to excuse Amanda here.”

Adam’s voice dropped lower as he let out a little laugh. “You never did answer the question, Tommy.”

Confused and drunk, Tommy looked at Adam. “Huh?”

“Oh for crying out loud, dear… I’m not the only one who’s drunk, am I?” Amanda grabbed his wrist and pulled him down into his seat. “I don’t know, Adam… I think he’s too drunk to even talk about it, let alone do anything about it.”

Tommy pulled his arm away and shot up from his seat. “Oh, is that so, Ms. Baker?” He walked over to Adam and stood directly in front of him. Dropping his gaze to meet Adam’s, he shivered when Adam flashed him a wicked smile. Damn, he was just too sexy when he wanted to be.

Tommy turned around and looked at Amanda. “So you think I’m too drunk, huh?”

Amanda nodded.

Tommy took one last look around the room to make sure the coast was clear of any people lingering, and it was. He straddled Adam’s legs and then froze. What the hell was he about to do?

Adam peered from around him and looked over at Amanda. Shrugging, he raised his eyebrows and then grabbed hold of Tommy’s butt.

When Tommy felt Adam’s hands on his bottom, he immediately let himself fall into Adam’s lap. He looked at Adam quickly and then dropped his gaze.

Amanda’s eyes were glued to them, Tommy didn’t have to turn around to know that. He could feel her gaze boring into the back of his head.

Tommy shifted slightly when he felt Adam’s hand on his chin. Using his hand, Adam lifted Tommy’s face to his. “I don’t think you wanna be moving around too much right now…if you know what I mean.”

Tommy nodded. “Oh, okay,” he whispered back. He tried to drop his head again, but he couldn’t. Adam was holding it firmly in place.

“You two just gonna sit there or what?” Amanda questioned.

That did it. Tommy placed his hands on Adam’s face and slowly drew it towards him. Licking his lips, he smiled at Adam and moaned. He let his gaze drop to Adam’s lips as he slowly placed his on Adam’s.

When their lips met, Tommy once again felt the familiar bolt of electricity passing right through him. It was something he’d not quite felt for a long time. And it felt like it traveled right through his entire body and landed down between his legs.

Within a few seconds, Adam’s hands found their way to the back of Tommy’s neck and when Tommy tried to pull away, Adam’s hands forced him to stay put.

When Tommy opened his mouth a little, Adam’s tongue found its way in immediately. Even though Tommy was a little surprised at first, his tongue quickly found Adam’s.

His lips felt so good.  
His hands felt so warm.  
His tongue felt even better.

Suddenly, Adam took charge, engulfing Tommy’s lips with his. Allowing himself to relax a little, Tommy’s shoulders went lax as Adam started to end the kiss – much to Tommy’s dismay. Placing big, loud wet kisses on his lips, Adam worked his way to Tommy’s cheek and then stopped right before getting to his ear. “Damn,” he whispered quietly.

For a few seconds, they just sat still. When Amanda cleared her throat loudly, Tommy turned around. “How was that, Ms. Smart-ass?”

“I’m impressed, I think.” She cocked her head to one side. “That was a little strange, seeing someone kiss my fiance and all.”

Tommy got up from Adam’s lap and grabbed the table. He felt somewhat dizzy and weak. He had forgotten the power of Adam’s kisses.

Adam placed his hand on Tommy’s, the one that was resting on the table. “You okay?”

Tommy pulled his hand out from under Adam’s. “Yeah…”

Amanda laughed out loud. “Adam, I think you gave him a knee-weakening kiss or something. He can barely stand up straight.”

Tommy’s head shot over to Amanda. If she had any idea, she wouldn’t be making jokes about it.

Tommy took his coat from the back of his chair and started to walk away. Amanda jumped off her seat. “Where you going, honey?”

“Home.”

“Just a second, we’re coming too.” Amanda motioned for Adam to follow her and they both walked over to Tommy, who was leaning up against the wall, near the exit.

When Amanda reached him, she pulled Tommy into an embrace. “Are you OK, baby?”

“I’m just ready for bed, that’s all.”

“Listen guys, I’m gonna go talk to the manager over there about calling us a cab. I don’t think any of us is up for driving,” Adam said.

Amanda nodded and then turned back to Tommy. “Are you mad at me?”

Tommy shook his head. “Mad at you? For what? Suggesting that I sleep with one of our closest friends? No, why would I be mad at you for THAT?”

She laughed at his harshness. “Okay, honey, calm down.”

“Me calm down? I think you need to calm down.” Tommy pulled away from her and then walked outside. Sitting down on a bench, he turned his back so that it was facing her.

Amanda stood back and kept her distance.

When Adam walked out of the hall, he went up to Amanda and then glanced over at Tommy. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Oh, nothing. He’s just pissed because I brought up the idea of you two sleeping together.”

Adam smiled and spoke sarcastically, “Oh, is that all?”

“I was only kidding… I think.” Amanda rubbed her eyes and then ran her hand through her blonde, thick hair. “He may never talk to us again, you know.”

“Yeah, right. That should make for an interesting marriage.” Adam smiled and then walked over to Tommy. “I wouldn’t worry about it, Amanda. He’ll forgive us.”

Tommy snapped his head back. “I wouldn’t be so sure of that, Adam. I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting.”

Adam placed his hands on Tommy’s shoulders and started to rub him. Leaning over, he whispered in Tommy’s ear, “Oh, I didn’t say anything about forgetting, just forgiving. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’ll be able to forget that kiss –or our other ones for that matter.”

Tommy became rigid. Adam was making him uptight, and he was pretty sure that Adam knew it too when he heard him chuckle quietly. Noticing the cab making its way to the door, he stood up quickly. “Here’s the cab.”

“Where you staying, Adam?”

Adam opened the cab door and watched as Amanda made his way in first, followed by Tommy. “The Carlton. You guys just want to crash at my place? It’s a helluva lot closer.”

Tommy closed his eyes and held his breath in anticipation of Amanda’s reply. In a way, he wanted her to say “sure” but in another way, he wanted her to decline. He shook his head; he needed to lighten up a bit. After all, it was only one kiss and when it came right down to it…it wasn’t even the first time he and Adam had kissed.

Only one problem, that was almost five years ago and they were a lot younger then. Things were different now; they were definitely different.

Opening his eyes, he looked over at Amanda. She was passed out cold, leaning up against the window. He leaned over and grabbed her hand. Holding it up to the ceiling, he let it fall to her lap. Nothing. Not even the slightest movement.

“Yeah, she’s pretty much gone already,” Adam mumbled.

Tommy looked at Adam. “We’d better just head home then.”

“Are you kidding?”

“I’ll figure out a way.”

Adam leaned towards the driver. “To the Carlton, please.”

“Adam, I said I wanted to go home.”

“I know what you said,” he huffed, throwing Tommy an aggravated look. “But did you hear what I said?”

Tommy nodded. “Yes, I did. But I said I could handle it, remember?”

Adam shifted in his seat slightly so that he could see Tommy better without straining his neck. “Okay, this stops here. If I would’ve suggested that you guys stay with me back at the beginning of this evening you would’ve had no problem with it.” He paused for a moment and then lowered his voice, “But now because we kissed, you’re acting all funny. It was just a kiss for fuck’s sake.”

Tommy turned to him. “I know that…”

“Then let it go. I wouldn’t have kissed you if I knew you'd get this upset about it.” He held out his hand and smiled. “Can we just call it a truce and move on now?”

Tommy grabbed his hand and smiled back. “Yeah…” Tommy let his hand drop and then looked over at Amanda. Noticing that she was still passed out, he returned his attention to Adam. “Sorry I got all funny on you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

For the rest of the ride, all was silent.  
Amanda was passed out.  
Adam was staring out the window.  
And Tommy couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss…

Once they arrived at the hotel, Tommy helped Amanda get out of the cab and then practically carried her to the room. Adam helped him steer Amanda to the bedroom. Adam let Amanda fall to the bed and then looked at Tommy. “I’ll let you undress her, don’t want to go there...if you know what I mean.”

“You sure you don’t just want to stick her drunk ass on the couch?”

Adam laughed, shaking his head. “Nah, you guys can have the bed.” He made his way to the door and then stopped to turn around. “Besides, I’m used to sleeping on just about anything. The couch is actually comfortable compared to some of the things I’ve slept on.”

Tommy smiled as Adam closed the door and then did his best to undress Amanda. After six attempts to get her dress off, he finally gave up and just placed the pillow under her head.

Lying down next to her, he propped himself up on an elbow and stared at her. He loved her but sometimes she could be such a bitch”, no doubt about it. Tonight was one of those times.

After over an hour of staring, he slowly got up from the bed and removed all of his clothing, except for his underwear. He grabbed a robe from the bathroom that was attached to the bedroom, and then headed to the main area.

At first, he didn’t see Adam. It was too dark. Once his eyes became accustomed to the darkness though, he could make out Adam’s figure lying on the couch. “You asleep yet?”

Adam sat up quickly. “No. What’s up?”

“Feel like company?”

Adam patted the couch cushion. “Sure.”

Sitting down on the couch, Tommy moaned. “How you feeling?”

“Not too bad, alcohol has worn off a little.” Raking a hand through his hair, Adam winced. “I think.”

“Yeah, same here.” Tommy stopped for a moment and then sighed, “So, what’s been going on in your life lately?”

Adam sighed back, letting his shoulders slump. “Not a whole hell of a lot, just the usual stuff.”

Although Tommy was not in the band anymore, he knew Adam was on a hiatus, but was due back in the studio soon to record his next album. He really wasn’t referring to music stuff, though. He was referring to his personal life. “Got a boyfriend or anything?”

“Not really…” Adam stopped and looked like he was thinking hard. “No, no one right now.”

“Whatever happened with the last one?”

“We finally split up for good. That was a while ago though.” He laughed a little. “You mean you didn’t hear about that on TMZ or anything?”

Tommy slapped him on the shoulder. “Oh yeah, like I watch TMZ all the time.”

“I know, I’m joking.” Adam fell back against the arm of the couch and then swung his legs over and plopped his feet on Tommy’s lap. “You mind?”

Tommy grabbed his feet and started to rub them. “Just like old times…”

“Almost, huh?”

“Yeah, almost,” he whispered quietly.

Silence.

No one said anything for quite some time. Tommy continued rubbing his feet while Adam moaned softly...something he always used to do when Tommy rubbed his feet.

“You always were good at that,” he said softly, smiling at Tommy.

“Well, don’t tell Amanda…or else I’ll be having to do it for her all the time.”

Adam laughed. “Hey, by the way, I meant to ask you about something she said earlier tonight.”

Tommy stopped rubbing and looked at him. “What?”

“Does she really think you haven't been with a guy?”

Tommy brought his hands up to his eyes and covered them. He was trying to hide from the embarrassment. He had been caught – red handed in a lie. “Do we really have to talk about that?”

Adam pressed his foot hard against Tommy’s thigh. “Yeah, I think we do, considering that I know firsthand that you have been with men before.”

Tommy uncovered his eyes and moaned, “Fuck, don’t tell her that.” Tommy shifted in his seat so that he was facing Adam more. “She doesn’t know about us.”

“Why not?”

“Are you kidding me, Adam? She’d be really pissed if she knew.”

Adam sat up a little and frowned. “Why? It wasn’t like you two were going out or anything at the time. Hell, you didn’t even know her yet.”

He was right. Adam introduced Tommy to Amanda shortly after that fateful night.

“It won’t matter, trust me.”

“Is she that insecure?” Adam questioned, perplexed.

“Honestly?” Tommy shrugged. “Yes, I think she is.” He lowered his voice, “The first time that we actually had sex, she asked me if I had ever been with you and I lied. I don’t know why I lied…but I did. I was scared that she wouldn’t want me if she knew.”

Adam reached over and turned the lamp on. “Why wouldn’t she want you?”

“You don’t know her the way I do. She wanted a straight man and she thinks she’s got a straight man. Case closed,” he replied, waiving his hands in the air.

“Couldn’t she tell?”

Tommy squinted his eyes. “Tell what?”

“Your attraction to men?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Apparently not or she would’ve said something to me about it, I’m sure.” Tossing the pillow at Adam, he continued on. “Why? Am I that obvious?”

Adam shrugged. “I could always tell with you, right from the start. Maybe because of my gaydar…but I knew about you.”

“That was because I told you,” Tommy huffed. “Besides, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

Adam shook his head, ignoring Tommy’s last plea. “No, I knew the minute I saw you.”

Tommy covered his eyes again. “Okay, can we just drop it?”

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I still feel the same way I did that night. I was honored then and still am that you trusted me enough to let me be your first.”

Tommy half-smiled, peering at him through his hands. “And look where it got me.”

“Hey now, I was dating Drake at the time and felt horribly guilty about it the next morning.”

“I know…”

Adam leaned in closer to Tommy and grabbed his hands off his face. “I’m serious. I don’t want you to think that I just used you or anything.”

“We’ve already talked about this, haven’t we? Like five years ago or something.”

Adam squeezed his hands tightly. “I know we did. You also know that if I hadn't had a boyfriend at the time, things might have turned out differently.”

“Yeah, might have, but you never know…it might not have too.”

Adam frowned. Tommy noticed that he opened his mouth slightly as if he were going to say something, and then closed it. Obviously, he didn’t know what to say to that.

When Adam looked down at their hands that were still joined, Tommy’s gaze followed his. Adam squeezed his hand and then looked back at him. “Have you ever been with anyone besides Amanda?”

Tommy looked up and rolled his eyes. “Well yeah…you silly.”

“No, I mean besides us?”

“Not with any other guy, if that’s what you mean,” Tommy’s reply was barely heard.

Adam shot him a look and Tommy could read the amazement in his eyes. “What are you so surprised about?”

“I don’t know. I just am,” he answered truthfully.

Tommy started to get a little perturbed at his tone. “I’m not a slut you know.”

“I know that.”

“I’m not easy either.”

Adam laughed. “I know that too.”

“Well stop looking at me that way.”

“What way?”

Tommy gave him the evil eye. “Like you feel sorry for me or something.”

Adam cocked his head to the side, scratching it along the way. “Why would I feel sorry for you?”

Tommy sighed, falling back into the couch. “I don’t know…maybe because you think that I missed out on something , like maybe I should’ve had sex with more men so that I knew for sure sex with women… is something I can live with for the rest of my life.”

Adam’s eyes grew large as he listened to Tommy ramble on.

“Or maybe you feel sorry for Amanda.” He took a deep breath and swung his head around. “Is that it?”

Adam shook his head.

“Then why do you feel sorry for me?”

“I never said I did, you did,” Adam huffed, shaking his head. “I am thinking that maybe you have some issues though.”

“Why would you think that?” Tommy threw back at him.

Adam smiled at him and then cupped his ears. “Did you just hear what you said?”

“Of course I did. Why?”

Adam tilted his head and looked concerned. “Maybe you’re the one who feels sorry for yourself.”

Tommy scrunched up his face and blew a breath out his mouth. “That’s ridiculous.”

Adam laughed out loud and then got up and walked towards the fully stocked bar. “You want something to drink?”

“Are you changing the subject?”

Adam stopped and turned around. “Not at all…just thought maybe you could use a drink.”

“You think I need more to drink?”

Adam grabbed two waters and walked back to the couch. “I wasn’t referring to alcohol.” Handing Tommy a water, he sat back down. “Now, where were we? Oh yes, you were saying that you felt sorry for yourself.”

Tommy grabbed the water roughly from his hand. “I never said that.”

“I’m pretty good at reading between the lines then.”

Tommy laughed and then got up. “Maybe I should just head to bed.”

Adam grabbed his hand and pulled him back down on the couch. “Oh, no, you’re not. You’re gonna tell me what’s bothering you.”

There was silence for some time before Tommy finally swallowed his pride. “I don’t know, Adam…it’s just that sometimes I don't think Amanda is completely satisfied. Why else would she say that she’d love to live in your shoes for a day?”

Adam scooted right next to Tommy and put his arm around him. “Tommy, I’ve heard that from a lot of people. Hell, even my own brother…I wouldn’t take that as Amanda feeling unsatisfied.”

Tommy suddenly felt uneasy. He really didn’t want to talk about his sexual issues with anyone, especially someone he’s harbored a crush on for years. “Maybe you’re right.”

“I’m always right, babe. Haven’t you realized that yet?”

When Adam’s hand started to rub Tommy’s neck, he felt himself relax. It felt good. Dropping his head forward, he shifted himself so that his back was to Adam. “That feels good…use both hands.”

Adam obliged.

No words were spoken for the next ten minutes as Adam massaged Tommy’s neck. Pulling his robe down off his shoulders, Adam worked his way down a little. “Ah…would you scratch my back too?” he asked quietly.

“What do I look like, your personal masseuse?”

Tommy dropped his head back as far as he could and smiled at Adam. “Something like that.”

Adam gave him an evil grin. “You want your back massaged, you’re gonna have to lose that robe.”

“Totally?” he gasped, grabbing the ties of his robe. He didn’t want Adam to see his bulge.

Adam laughed and reached around him. Grabbing hold of the tie that held the robe in place, he untied it. Tommy watched Adam’s hands in motion and closed his eyes. When Adam pushed the robe completely off Tommy’s shoulders, the back of the robe fell to the couch. Suddenly he felt very vulnerable…and naked.

Hell, he was vulnerable.  
And naked.

He crossed his arms in front of him. Adam noticed immediately and leaned forward to whisper in his ear, “Would it make you more comfortable if I turned the lights off?”

Tommy nodded.

Adam reached behind him and turned the lamp off. “Better?”

He nodded again.

“You want to lie down on the floor?”

Tommy looked down at the floor. “Where are you gonna sit then?”

“On your ass,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“Excuse me?”

Adam got up from the couch and sat on the floor. Patting the floor, he motioned for Tommy to follow. “I’ll sit next to you, better?”

Tommy got up, held unto the robe the best he could and did as he was told.

Once he was situated comfortably, with the robe still covering his bottom, Adam started massaging and scratching his back. “You’re a little tense…something wrong?”

“No.”

“You sure about that?”

Tommy’s reply was muffled, “No.”

“Wedding plans starting to take their toll?”

He lied, “Yeah.” Truth was he was tense for one reason and one reason only…Adam was turning him on. He’d only really felt this turned on by someone one other time in his life…his first time with Adam. And how appropriate that it was with Adam then, just like now. He closed his eyes and remembered back to that time. A time when he was so vulnerable…and infatuated…with Adam.

He silently wondered if he would ever be able to get over this crush of his, ever. He knew it wasn’t right. He knew it would lead to nothing but heartbreak. He knew, deep in his heart, that it was about the worst thing he could ever feel.

Did he still feel the same way now as he did five years ago? Sadly, yes. He had a crush, a big crush on someone other than his soon-to-be wife. How sad is that? Pretty sad in his opinion.

“Tommy, do you really think Amanda meant what she said tonight?”

Coming out of his thoughts, Tommy lifted his head slightly. “What’d she say?”

Adam leaned over and whispered in his ear, “About taking me for a test drive?”

Tommy froze. When he finally started to breathe again, he dropped his head back to the floor, “I don’t know. She was drunk.”

Adam remained silent and continued with his massage.

The quietness was making Tommy uneasy. He knew Adam all too well and figured he was replaying the night over and over again in his head. He was sure that Adam was trying to hammer out all the details.

“Adam?”

He spoke in a soft, low voice. “Yeah?”

“Don’t try to analyze it. It doesn’t make sense.”

Adam laughed and then lay down on the floor next to Tommy. “You can read me like a book, can’t you?”

“Sometimes,” Tommy replied, smiling at him.

Adam was flat on his back. Turning his head slightly to look at Tommy, he sighed. “Would you think that I was a complete asshole if I asked you for a going-away gift?”

Tommy scrunched up his face at him. “Going away? Who’s going away?”

“You…in a way.” He closed his eyes and continued on, “Right now, I can’t stop thinking about making love to you.”

Tommy’s eyes widened. “What?”

Instead of answering Tommy, Adam moved his head closer to his and placed his lips directly on top of Tommy’s. Instead of him pulling away, Tommy kissed him back. It was just a simple, quick kiss, but it was one that left him wanting more.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eighth album.

When Adam pulled away, Tommy sat up quickly and slid his arms through the appropriate spots on his robe. Tying it tightly, he crossed his legs Indian-style and leaned back against the couch.

Adam never moved.  
Neither did his gaze.

“What the hell was that?”

Adam shrugged, but still never moved. He was still lying down on the floor with his head slightly turned Tommy’s way. “Okay…I’m an asshole…what can I say?” His hand went to his face, rubbing his eyes. “You’re one of my best friends, my friend’s fiancé and I made a move on you…what the hell was that?”

“I don’t know…that’s what I just asked you.”

Adam rubbed his eyes some more. “Shit…I’m not sure.”

Tommy frowned and dropped his head back on the couch. What the hell was going on with him? With him? He could only describe it as a force of nature…or maybe it was a temptation from the devil.

He could hear Adam moaning…he was obviously upset about what happened too. Opening his eyes and raising his head, he looked down at Adam.

Damn…he was still moaning…like he was in pain of some sort.

“Are you okay?”

Adam opened his eyes and shook his head.

“You’re scaring me…what the hell is wrong?”

Adam extended his arm until his hand was resting on Tommy’s neck. “C’mere.”

Not really having much choice due to the fact that Adam was practically forcing Tommy towards him, he obliged. Tommy scooted down, lying down completely and plopped his head in the crook of Adam’s armpit. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. He probably shouldn’t be this close to him…

Adam leaned over and placed a kiss on his head. “I’m sorry.”

Tommy acknowledged his apology with a slight nod.

He kissed Tommy’s head again. “Will you forgive me?”

Tommy answered with another slight nod.

Again, Adam kissed his head. “Are you sure?”

Tommy whispered, “Yes.”

When Adam leaned over to kiss his head again, Tommy turned slightly towards him which caused Adam’s lips to land on his forehead.

“Can I do anything to make it up to you?”

Tommy turned slightly so that he was on his side now and draped his leg over Adam’s. “You can promise me that you’ll always be my friend…no matter what.”

Adam kissed him again on the forehead. “Promise.”

“Adam?”

His response was throaty, “Yeah?”

“Why do you keep kissing me on the forehead?”

He laughed a little and kissed Tommy again. “I don’t know…you want me to stop?”

When Adam looked into his eyes, Tommy felt his entire body go limp. Instead of giving him the answer he should though, he merely whispered, “Not really.”

When Adam leaned in to kiss Tommy again, he completely abandoned his forehead and went straight for his lips.

Tommy responded exactly the way he’d hoped he wouldn’t, but knew he would.

Opening his mouth slightly, Adam pressed his lips harder and his tongue found its way to inside Tommy’s mouth. He swung his free arm over and with both arms now wrapped tightly around Tommy, he used his strength to slide Tommy on top of him.

Tommy hesitated only momentarily, but it was enough for Adam to notice. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Yes,” Tommy said while shifting his body to fit snuggly against Adam. “I mean, no,” he whispered, shaking his head.

Adam laughed and then grew serious. “You need to make up your mind now before it’s too late to stop.”

Tommy answered him by lowering his lips onto Adam’s.

It felt right to be kissing Adam.  
It felt wrong to be kissing Adam.  
It felt right to be kissing Adam.  
It felt…dangerous to be kissing Adam.

Suddenly and without much warning, Tommy’s need took over. He’d been putting much of his weight on his arms, which were placed against the floor next to Adam’s head but after deciding to give in to his passion, he dropped his weight against Adam’s and brought his hands up to Adam’s hair.

Balling his hair into a fist, he yanked Adam’s head to the side and started to kiss his neck.

“Obviously someone here has decided what he wants now,” Adam breathlessly mumbled.

Tommy bit down on his neck playfully and Adam winced in pain. “Oh…sorry.”

“Yeah…sure you are.”

Using his upper body strength, Adam rolled them over. Tommy knew why – Adam wanted control. He had to be in control of everything in his life. Anyone who knew Adam knew that.

And right now…he was willing to give it to Adam.

Placing himself slightly to the side, so that most of his weight was on the floor, Adam’s hand started to untie Tommy’s robe.

Tommy’s eyes were fixed on Adam.  
Adam’s eyes were fixed on Tommy.

It took Adam a while to finally get the robe undone. Using only one hand and not looking at what he was doing slowed him down a bit. Once he pushed the robe open, his eyes left Tommy’s and traveled down the length of Tommy’s now half-naked body.

Adam’s moan took Tommy by surprise. “Something wrong?”

“Not at all…just enjoying the view in front of me.” He looked into Tommy’s eyes again and smiled. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on Tommy’s cheek and whispered in his ear, “You suddenly look nervous…is something wrong?”

Tommy shook his head. “I am nervous…”

Adam continued whispering in his ear, “You have nothing to be nervous about…it’s just me, glitter baby.”

“I know…that’s why I’m so nervous.”

Adam let out a laugh and placed his hand on Tommy’s head, running it through his hair. Lowering his head, he placed his mouth on Tommy’s ear and slowly started sucking on his earlobe. “For the record…I’m a little nervous too.”

Tommy pulled back. “No way…you?”

Adam moved his head over so that their noses were touching. “Yeah me…I’m only human too.”

Without thought, Tommy reached up and crashed his lips to Adam’s…

Slowly, quickly, cautiously, feverishly, and selfishly…they began a dance as old as time. And all the while…Amanda lay passed out in the room next to them.

“Oh God…you don’t know how bad I want you right now.”

“Not half as bad as I want you,” Adam whispered, standing to his feet and pulling Tommy up with him. Eyeing Tommy up and down, Adam pushed the robe off him and crouched down to get it. Once he had it in his hands, he threw it to the other side of the room.

Tommy could barely contain himself, standing there, staring at Adam. He wanted Adam and he wanted Adam right then and there. Taking his hands, he pulled Adam close and let them roam along the backside of Adam’s pants. What he really wanted Adam to do was lose the pants. But Tommy wasn’t going to say it, he was going to do it himself if Adam didn’t get the hint.

When Adam’s hands finally made their way up to Tommy’s nipples, he completely forgot about Adam’s pants. He couldn’t think about anything else except what he was feeling and at that exact moment, it was a feeling he could honestly say he’d never felt.

Slowly, one of Adam’s hands started to travel down the front of Tommy’s body, landing on the exact spot where the pleasure was settling.

“Someone’s not having second thoughts, are they?” he asked when he heard Tommy groan.

After Tommy shook his head, Adam swooped down and picked him up. Tommy let out a little yell as he straddled his legs around Adam and buried his head in Adam’s shoulder. Adam walked towards a bare wall – not easy to come by in a hotel room. Once he reached his destination, he pressed Tommy’s body up against the expensive wallpaper.

Tommy grabbed hold of Adam’s hair in his fist and pulled Adam’s mouth to his. He had his mouth open before their lips even met, allowing Adam easy access. The kiss was hot and steamy, and sloppy as all hell.

“This is so wrong,” Tommy moaned into Adam’s mouth.

“I know,” he moaned back.

“I’m getting married.”

“I know.”

“To one of your friends.”

“I know that too,” he mumbled before running his tongue along Tommy’s cheek and back to his mouth again.

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“I know.”

“We should probably stop,” Tommy moaned into Adam’s mouth again, pressing himself even closer.

“I know.”

“Are you gonna stop?”

“I don’t know,” Adam moaned, pulling back slightly. “Do you want me to?”

“Fuck, no,” Tommy groaned, pulling him in again. “Do you want to?”

“Hell, no.”

Their kisses were wet and passionate, and remained as sloppy as before. Tommy felt like he could kiss Adam for hours and if they had hours, he’d do just that. There wasn’t a spot on his entire face that went untouched. It was almost as if Adam were feasting on him rather than kissing him and he loved every damn hot minute of it.

They stayed in that position for quite some time before Adam finally let Tommy down. With both his hands on Tommy’s arms, he slowly started to back Tommy up to the bar. Kicking the stools out of the way, one crashed to the floor.

Tommy started giggling, “Shhhhh…you’re gonna wake up Amanda.”

Adam looked at him and shrugged. “That wouldn’t be a good thing…unless you’re into threesomes.”

Tommy frowned.

“Didn’t think so,” Adam said with a smile as he lifted Tommy up and sat him down, right on top of the bar.

Instantly, Tommy wrapped his legs around Adam, drawing him in closer.

“You need to lose these,” Adam mumbled, fingering the top of his underwear.

Quickly, Tommy shifted from one side to the other while Adam worked his underwear down and off him. “Oh shit…we really shouldn’t be doing this.”

“I know,” Adam said, bringing his underwear up and smiling. “But we’re gonna do it anyway.”

“It’s not right,” Tommy mouthed quietly, wrapping his legs around Adam again.

“It feels right,” Adam said before finally silencing Tommy with his lips.

If Tommy had to guess, it had to have been another ten minutes of sloppy, passionate kisses before Adam finally made his move. It was obvious that the man liked to kiss and it was damn obvious that he knew exactly how to kiss.

Tommy didn't remember him kissing this good while anything happened between them.  
Of course, having two years to perfect his technique might have helped.

Tommy could only imagine what other skills Adam possessed and when exactly he planned on showing him.

When Adam’s lips finally left Tommy’s face, he made his way to Tommy’s ear and his hands made their way to Tommy’s more than ready nipples. It surprised Tommy when Adam didn’t make any attempt at using his mouth on his ear though and quickly, he started moving his head closer to Adam.

“What’d you want Tommy?” he asked.  
Tommy’s only answer was a moan.

That was good enough for him. “I want to taste every inch…”

“I want to hear you…”

Adam slowly parted Tommy’s legs with his hand and wrapped his fingers around Tommy. He never stopped telling Tommy exactly what he had planned on doing to him and during the entire one-sided conversation, Tommy never stopped moaning.

His plan sounded satisfying.  
His fingers felt wonderful.

 

“Don’t stop…please…don’t stop…don’t stop…”

Tommy’s chanting the words ‘don’t stop’ over and over again eventually brought Adam to a halt. He turned Tommy’s head towards him. “I’m not stopping, gorgeous…why would I stop?”

“Just…don’t stop…” Tommy said, placing his hand on top of Adam’s and making him move faster.

Only a few seconds passed before Tommy shattered. His voice cried out Adam’s name over and over…and louder and louder. For a few brief moments, he wasn’t even sure if it was his voice at all. He never cried out…ever. There was never really a reason to. In all their years of lovemaking, Tommy never once called out Amanda’s name.

When he finally came crashing back down to earth, he opened his eyes to see Adam’s face only inches from his. Adam smiled at him and leaned in to kiss him.

When the kiss was finished, Adam looked at him. “You’re incredible.”

“Me?” He was embarrassed. Did he really cry out Adam’s name like someone who couldn’t control himself?

“Yeah…you.”

Without any warning, they heard Amanda fumbling with the bedroom doorknob. They both looked at each other before Tommy quickly jumped down from the bar, landing on Adam’s toe.

“Shit!” Adam’s knee bent up quickly as he grabbed his foot.

“Sorry,” Tommy mouthed, running behind the bar with Adam quickly following him.

Amanda stumbled out of the bedroom and into the darkness. “What’s going on out here?”

She searched through the darkness in her drunken state and couldn’t see a damn thing. Rubbing her head, she headed back towards the bedroom and slammed the door.

Adam was the first one to make a move. “She’s gone.”

Tommy half-smiled and looked at Adam. The guilt was starting to rattle him a little. What they had done and what they were about to do settled quickly into his mind. It was wrong…plain and simple. But at the same time, it felt so right.

Now what?

“Adam?”

“Yeah?”

“I think maybe I should just head to bed…”

Adam nodded. “I understand.” Disappointment was written all over his face. Even Tommy could read it loud and clear.

“I’m sorry…we shouldn’t be doing this,” he whispered quietly. “Fuck…we really shouldn’t have done what we did.”

“You’re right.” Adam stood up and pulled Tommy up with him. “We shouldn’t,” he agreed, shaking his head.

In a way, Tommy was hoping that Adam would disagree with him and try to convince him to stay. Quite honestly, it wouldn’t have taken much to convince him. But when Adam didn’t do more than merely agree with him, Tommy felt relieved. Or was it disappointed? What was wrong with him?

When he started to head towards the bedroom, he turned around and stopped. “Let’s not talk about tonight…if you know what I mean. I think we both had too much to drink and got a little carried away.”

Adam walked over to him and kissed him on the forehead. “Sadly…I do know what you mean and consider it already forgotten about. Goodnight, Tommy Joe.”

“Goodnight.”

**********

When morning came, Amanda stumbled out of bed. Looking back, she saw Tommy curled up tightly in a ball next to her…naked.

It wasn’t what she was used to.

They usually didn’t spend the whole night together for fear of being caught by her mother. It didn’t matter that they were both in their thirties or that they were getting married in a couple of months. The fact remained – they weren’t married yet.

Mrs. Barlow was old-fashioned and a real stickler when it came to her daughter’s living arrangements. No daughter of hers was going to “live in sin” - period.

Amanda’s two older siblings, Olivia and Alex, had both followed her rules and Amanda was expected to do the same. And since her mother held the key to her inheritance, Amanda did as she was instructed – no questions asked.

Tommy didn’t like it. Amanda didn’t like it. But it wasn’t discussed.

So, for over two years now, they lived in separate apartments. Apartments that were merely separated by less than twenty yards, but separated nonetheless.

And in those two years, Amanda could count on one hand how many times they’d actually spent all night together in one bed…three. No, make that four if last night was to be counted.

Amanda looked around the room for quite some time before she figured out that they weren’t in either one of their apartments.

Getting out of bed suddenly caused her head to hurt. She winced in pain and sat back down on the edge of the bed. “Damn…how much did I drink anyway?”

Tommy rolled over and moaned. “Too much.”

Amanda turned back when she heard his voice. “Are you in as much pain as me?”

“I don’t know…How much pain are you in?”

She grabbed her head to hold it still and cringed. “Oh God…a lot.” She slowly got up and looked around. “Where are we?”

“Adam’s hotel room.”

She kept walking towards the door of the bedroom. “Where is he?”

Tommy shrugged. “Probably on the couch nursing his hangover too.”

Amanda opened the door and instantly noticed Adam sitting on the couch watching TV. Taking baby steps, she headed towards the couch and sat down.

Adam looked over at her, turning down the volume on the TV with the remote. “You gonna be okay?”

Amanda sighed. “Maybe later…much, much later.”

“You want me to order room service?”

She moaned loudly, “Shit…I’ll probably puke just looking at it.” Amanda searched the room for the time. “What time is it anyway?”

“Almost four.”

Amanda gasped, “In the afternoon?”

Adam laughed. “Yeah…why?”

“No reason…I just can’t believe it’s so late. I never sleep that late.”

“At least you slept…I haven’t been able to sleep all night.”

Fully dressed in his clothes from the previous night, Tommy stood near the door of the bedroom. He heard Adam’s comments about not being able to sleep. He felt the same way – he didn’t think he’d slept either. Was Adam replaying their little tryst over and over in his mind the way he was? Or was it all just a dream?

He cleared his throat. “You never sleep this late, dear, because you never drink as much as you did last night.” Tommy sat down on the chair directly across from the couch and purposely kept his gaze off Adam. “Me neither…for that matter.”

“I think we all had a little too much to drink last night,” Adam said.

Tommy moaned quietly. Shit…I didn’t do what I think I did last night, did I? When he finally let himself look Adam’s way, he just about died when he saw the look on Adam’s face. Yep…I sure did.

He immediately jumped up and walked over to the phone.

“Where are you going, sweetheart?”

He looked at Amanda and then over at Adam…who was still looking right back at him. I need to get the hell out of here. “Calling a cab, I’m supposed to be meeting your mother at six to go over the guest list.”

Amanda shook her head. “Can’t you guys do that next week when I’m in London?”

Tommy let a loud, “HA!” followed by a loud sigh. “You know your mother.”

She rubbed her temples. “God, I can’t deal with her today.”

“Yes…at five-thirty…thank you.” Tommy hung up the phone and threw Amanda an aggravated look. “You don’t have to. She told me that it was going to just be us going over the list.”

Amanda got up from the couch and walked over to him. “Well…does it have to be today?”

Tommy embraced her. “Yes…it has to be today. Besides, it’s too late for me to cancel. Your mother’s probably already at the salon getting her hair done.” He winked and then turned towards Adam. “Adam, do you mind if I take a quick shower?”

Adam looked back. “Not at all…help yourself.”

He made his way towards the bedroom. “You know, Amanda…this really was the only time to do this anyway. I leave next week for the resort and I’ll be there until the wedding.” His voice grew resentful, “Remember, dear…you’re the one who insisted on that.”

He slammed the door, causing the picture on the wall to rattle.

Adam took notice of the tension. “Apparently he isn’t too happy about that.”

Amanda frowned and sat back down. “He’s not real happy about a lot of shit…me making him go to the resort just happens to be on top of his list.”

“Then why are you forcing him to go?”

“What else is he gonna do? I have to be in London for the next six weeks.”

Adam’s eyes grew large. “Jesus, Amanda, your wedding is in like what? Eight/nine weeks?”

“Something like that.” Amanda shrugged and then continued on, “I think my mom planned it that way on purpose. I don’t think she wanted me around during the final stages of the wedding plans. With me not being around, that leaves Tommy to fend for himself.” He shook his head. “And Tommy will give in to her…she knows that.”

“That’s not the Tommy I remember.”

“Well…a lot of things have changed over the last year. My mother has really become quite the bitch if you know what I mean.”

Adam cleared his throat and held back his laughter. Amanda was right…but still… “That’s not a very nice thing to say about your mother.”

“It’s the truth though,” Amanda replied dryly, shaking her head. “If we don’t follow her rules to the tee, she throws my inheritance in my face. What other choice do we have?”

Adam listened to Amanda carefully and pondered whether he should say what he was really thinking. “Fuck your inheritance.”

Amanda shot Adam a look. “Easy for you to say…you’ve got a shit load of money.”

“You got a decent job on Broadway.” Adam paused for a moment, “Besides…money isn’t everything.”

Adam could tell Amanda was starting to get aggravated by his flippant attitude. They’d been friends for a long time. “Like hell it isn’t…and heeellllloooo…I could lose my job any moment. You know how it is with theater, one day you’re hot stuff, the next you’re a nobody.”

Adam looked at her questionably. “What about Tommy’s job? Between your job and him being a bassist…you’d be okay. Have you ever thought of that?”

Amanda got up and walked over to the bar. “Yeah, for half a second. But I’m not going to work for much longer…it isn’t gonna happen anytime soon, but it will happen eventually. Besides, I’m entitled to that Goddamn money anyway.”

Adam was floored by what Amanda just said. “Are you telling me that your inheritance is more important than your marriage?” He stood up, walking towards the bar. “Because if you are…I feel sorry for Tommy.”

Amanda’s voice was getting louder and her headache was pounding ten times harder. She needed aspirin and she needed them bad. “No, the inheritance money is not more important than my marriage.” Her tone was sarcastic now as she scrunched up her face. “So…don’t worry your pretty little blue eyes about your precious Tommy.”

“What the fuck is that all about?”

Amanda shrugged and walked away. “I don’t know…just leave me alone.”

Adam grabbed her arm and swung her around. “No, I won’t leave you alone. And what did you mean by you not working anymore?”

“I’m going to quit,” Amanda replied casually.

“What?”

“You heard me, Adam…I’m going to quit. I don’t need a job, what I need is to stay at home.”

Adam shook his head at hearing what he’d just heard. “Don’t you think you’re pushing it just a little?”

“Ah, come on, Adam…you really think I’m going to be a wife and work too?” She snapped her arm out of Adam’s hold and threw it up in the air. “Would you let your spouse work?”

“Why wouldn’t I have a partner that works?”

“For Christ’s sake, Adam…you’re a fucking rockstar…your hubby won’t work!”

Adam took a step back to lengthen the distance between. He knew if he didn’t, he might just do something he’d regret. “Well, that would definitely be his choice, but everyone should carry their own weight, don’t you think? If you want equal rights, you need to take responsibility for yourself as well, woman.”

Amanda headed towards the door, waving her hands in the air. “I don’t need this shit now…not from my mother, not from Tommy and sure as hell not from you.”

“Obviously you do need this shit now,” Adam shot back, taking a seat on the couch. “Before you totally fuck things up.”

Amanda stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. “What do you mean before I totally fuck things up? What have I fucked up already?”

“I just meant that you don’t want to be acting like some spoilt little girl…that isn’t Tommy’s style.”

“Oh…and just what is his style then, Adam?” She cocked her head to the side. “I forgot…you know my fiancé better than me…don’t you?”

Adam shook his head and turned up the volume on the TV. “You know what I mean, Amanda.”

Amanda walked out the door and slammed it shut.

 

**********

After fifteen minutes of flipping through the channels and not being able to find anything worth watching, Adam made his way to the bathroom. Not thinking, he threw open the bathroom door and abruptly came to a screeching halt when he heard Tommy shout in surprise.

“Oh shit…I’m sorry, Tommy.”

Both of them just stood there, startled and staring at each other. Only when Adam’s gaze dropped down, did Tommy make an attempt to cover up. Bending over, Tommy grabbed his towel and wrapped it around himself as best he could. It didn’t cover him completely; after all…it was only a hotel towel.

“Sorry…I forgot you were in here,” he said quietly.

Tommy was embarrassed. Don’t ask him why though, because he didn’t know. Last night, Adam had seen him more than just naked; he’d seen him up close and very personal.

Both of them stumbled for words.

“Is everything okay with you and Amanda? It sounded like you two were arguing.”

Adam’s gaze didn’t shift, “We were.”

He watched as Tommy fumbled with his towel. He was having a hard time tying it around his waist. When he tried for the third time, the towel slipped from his grasp and dropped to the floor. Quickly, his arms shot down as he tried to cover himself with his hands.

Adam bent down quickly and grabbed his towel. He smiled as he handed it to Tommy. “You’re not doing a very good job of covering yourself.”

Tommy grabbed it hastily and walked past him. “Very funny, Adam.”

He walked into the bedroom and searched the room. Where the hell was that robe? He threw apart the bed and swore under his breath numerous times before finally giving up. “Where the hell is it?” Taking a sheet from the pile he’d just created, he wrapped it around himself.

Unbeknownst to him, Adam watched the whole thing and when he finally couldn’t hold in his laughter anymore, Tommy swung around.

“Is this what you’re looking for?” He held up the robe and swung it in the air.

“Yes, where was it?”

“Where we left it last night…on the floor near the bar.”

Tommy threw his hand up in the air and pressed his finger to his lips. “Shh…”

“She isn’t here.”

Tommy’s face turned a shade of red. He was sure of it. His cheeks felt like they were on fire now. “Can I have it please?”

It looked like Adam was thinking about toying with him a bit by the way he was swinging the robe around. He must have decided against it when he saw Tommy’s expression though, because he ended up throwing it at Tommy. When he caught it, he ordered Adam to turn around.

He hesitated, but obliged. When Tommy gave him the okay, he turned back around and made his way towards Tommy.

“Don’t.” His voice was barely audible.

“Don’t what?” Adam asked while coming closer.

“Don’t do whatever it is that you’re going to do. We agreed that we would never speak of last night again, remember?”

He stopped for a moment and cocked his head to the side. “Yeah…I remember. What I actually was going to do though was make the bed…seeing as how you destroyed it.”

Tommy’s face now turned a darker shade of red. He wasn’t going to make any moves on him at all… “Oh, okay.” He bent down and brought the sheets up to help Adam make the bed. “Where’d Amanda go?”

Adam grabbed one end of the sheet and walked over to the opposite side of the bed. “Don’t know…she just up and left.”

“Why?”

He let out a long sigh. “She’s pissed at me. I got a little bent out of shape when I heard that she’d decided to quit her job.”

Tommy dropped the sheet and made a beeline for the door. He was having mixed emotions about being alone in the same room as Adam now.

Adam made him nervous.  
Hell, he made himself nervous.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Adam,” he said abruptly.

Adam dropped his sheet. “Where are you going?” When Tommy didn’t answer him, he picked up his pace. “There was a time when we used to talk about everything, Tommy.”

He stopped at the door leading out of the hotel room and turned around. “Used to be, Adam. This is between my fiancée and me – not you, so butt out.” He opened the door and took a step out.

“Tommy! You can’t go roaming the hotel like that. Get back in here, I’ll go look for her.”

Adam grabbed his arm and pulled him back inside the room. “I’ll take care of it. You’d better go get dressed; you wouldn’t want to keep your mother-in-law waiting.”

**********

Over an hour passed and Tommy was starting to get nervous. It wasn’t like Amanda and Adam to fight. They’d been friends forever…meeting at the local theater in 1999. Even when they were working together, they never fought. At least, not that Tommy was aware of.

Adam spoke highly of Amanda…all of the time. And the same was true of Amanda. As far as Tommy knew, even when Amanda thought Adam was out of his mind, auditioning for American Idol, she never talked bad about him. She might have laughed at him, but never behind his back.

Amanda may have been the one laughing then…but Adam was the one who had the last laugh in the end. But never once did he rub it in Amanda’s face…never once.

That’s what made Adam so special. He was a down-to-earth, sweet guy and despite his fame and millions, he was still that same person. That’s what attracted Tommy to Adam in the first place and still did to this day.

He sighed…thinking back to their early days.

Adam and Tommy met when Tommy auditioned for Adam’s band and a friendship between them blossomed almost immediately.

Together, they shared a lot, including Tommy’s “first time” with men.  
Together, they shared their dreams with each other.

Adam’s was to become a pop star and Tommy’s was to become the best guitar player out there one day and play and write for the biggest bands out there, maybe even Marilyn Manson one day. Adam’s dream came true…Tommy’s was still in the process.

Of course, no one knew that – especially Amanda. She’d have a fit if she knew Tommy still wanted to be an entertainer, living from gig to gig.

No husband of hers was going to become a cheap entertainer. Her parents would absolutely disown her for sure…at least that’s what she told Tommy. Her parents, Kevin and Anne Barlow, were part of the elite group in L.A. They were wealthy and flaunted it no end. When they had actually bought the resort on Bay Island years ago, they flew in over three hundred people to attend the grand opening.

Bay Resort was known for their elite clientele…all of which had money and lots of it. Tommy couldn’t stand the type of people that visited the island but in time he grew to love the solitude of staying there. It gave him ample time to write his own songs and be out from under Amanda’s watchful eye.

He visited there often, staying for weeks at a time. With Amanda working on Broadway, she was often away on tour. In one aspect, he hated it but in the other aspect, he loved it. The best part being that when Adam was on tour, he would take him on her parent’s private jet to many of the remote locations where he was performing.

Even her parents attended some of the concerts with them. Of course, now that Adam was famous, Anne Barlow was very fond of him.

Tommy shook his head in disgust, thinking about how two-faced his soon to be mother-in-law actually was.

Anne Barlow wasn’t always fond of Adam. In fact, in the early days of the Zodiac Show, she couldn’t be bothered with Adam. He was riff-raff in her opinion. Even when he had made it big, she didn’t acknowledge that her daughter was a friend of Adam’s. It wasn’t until Adam won his first Grammy that she openly admitted that her daughter was tight with Adam Lambert.

It was never just Adam Lambert...  
It was always rockstar Adam Lambert...

Anne was two-faced and that was something Tommy always had to keep in mind. As much as he wanted to love her, he couldn’t. Luckily, he was close enough to his own mother so he didn’t feel the need to try and be close with Anne.

Once Amanda and Tommy became engaged, she explained to him what was expected of him from day one. No music…period.

He accepted it...up to a point. Secretly and silently, he continued playing music and writing songs and one day…he was determined to send his songs to the music companies….

Tommy sat down on the couch and began fidgeting. What was taking them so long?

When Adam and Amanda finally walked back through the door, he was relieved to see them laughing. “Is everything okay now?”

They looked at each other and then back to Tommy. “Yeah.”

“Good.” He got up from the couch. “Now that I’m totally late and in desperate need of some clean clothes, I’ll see you guys later.” Tommy glanced at the clock and swore. “Shit…Amanda, call your mom and tell her I’m running late…I still gotta head back to the apartment to change clothes, okay, honey?” He walked over to her and smiled sweetly.

Amanda nodded. “Adam and I are gonna go out tonight. He’s flying out in the morning, so we wanted to hit the town…so to speak.”

“Try not to drink so much tonight.” He leaned and kissed her. “Have a good time and don’t forget to call so I don’t worry.”

Adam cleared his throat. “What about me?”

Tommy turned to Adam and slowly walked towards him. When Adam leaned in to kiss him, Tommy turned his head and Adam’s lips landed on his cheek. “You’re more than welcome to join us, right, Amanda?”

He looked back at Amanda and noticed the disappointment on her face. “Nah, thanks anyway.” Tommy turned to leave and then stopped. “I guess I’ll see you in a couple months, Adam, right?”

**********

Exhausted, Tommy dropped back on his bed. Anne drove him to exhaustion every time. It didn’t help that he was up until about six in the morning the night before either.

Closing his eyes, he rubbed them. He couldn’t think straight tonight at dinner. Anne was going over the list and Tommy was going over the events of the previous night. Time and time again, Anne would have to repeat the questions to him. And time and time again, Tommy would try to answer them just right.

When Tommy finally opened his eyes, he rolled over to see the alarm clock. “Shit!” It was three o’clock in the morning. He must’ve fallen asleep thinking about his guest list of over five hundred guests.

Only seventy-five of them were his guests, the other four hundred and twent-five were all the Barlow’s closest family and friends. How could they actually have that many close friends? They weren’t even Italian for fuck’s sake.

Making his way to the kitchen, he hit his answering machine. “You have one new message.”

He sat down on the stool. “Hey honey…it’s me…listen I’m gonna be late so don’t wait up for me. I’m not gonna be home tonight…I’ll be at the hotel with Adam. I’ll call you in the morning. Gotta go…bye.”

Picking up the phone, he contemplated whether or not to call her. She said she would call in the morning. Tommy looked back at the answering machine. “What time did you call, Amanda?” He swore when he realized that he’d already erased the message.

Dialing her cell phone, he waited for her to answer. She didn’t. Deciding not to leave a message, he grabbed the phone book and called Adam’s hotel.

“Yes…please transfer me to Dusty Madrid’s room please.” He knew his alias – something he was privy to due to their friendship.

After six rings, it was transferred back down to the front desk. “I’m sorry, sir, but no one’s answering. Would you like to leave a message?”

“No – try it again please.”

It only rang four times this time around when Adam finally picked it up. “Yeah?”

“Adam? Is that you?”

He had that dry, groggy, just- woke-up voice going on. “Yeah.”

Tommy lowered his voice, “Is Amanda with you?”

“Tommy?” He sat up in bed. “Is everything all right? It’s…” He paused briefly. “Shit…it’s three o’clock in the morning.”

“Yeah…I’m just looking for Amanda.”

“She’s not with you?”

“No…she left a message and said that she’d be staying with you tonight.”

He heard Adam swallow hard, almost like he was trying to catch his breath.

“Oh…I left a little before her so I probably just didn’t hear her come in.”

Tommy could tell he hesitated when answering him. Was he just tired or was he lying? “Will you just check and make sure?”

“Yeah…just a second.” He heard the phone drop to the floor and then heard a door open and shut.

A minute or so passed before Adam returned. “Yeah, Tommy…she’s asleep on the couch.”

Tommy let out a huge sigh of relief. “Oh, thank fuck…I was worried. She left me a message…but I wanted to make sure that she got in all right. Thanks.”

Adam lowered his voice to a point where it was barely audible. “No problem, Tommy.”

There was silence on the phone. Awkward silence.

“Is there something else?”

Tommy shook his head. “No…that’s it. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Have a safe trip back to LA tomorrow,” he said.

“Thanks.”

“Goodnight, Adam.”

“’Night, Tommy.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.

Adam promptly put on his jeans and made a beeline for the door. _Damnit, Amanda…where the hell are you?_

When Adam left the bar at midnight, Amanda assured him that she was leaving shortly after and was headed straight to Tommy’s place to check in before heading home. Never once did she mention that she was coming back to the hotel. So why did she tell Tommy that she was? 

Adam grabbed the card-key from the bar and put on his shoes. Amanda wouldn’t have actually left with those men she was sitting with, would she? 

He tried to put that thought far from his mind. Amanda wasn’t that type of person. She despised those types of people…people like her father. At least that’s what she told Adam many years ago. But then that was years ago…a lot of things can change when you’re talking that much time. 

Opening the door, he stepped into the hallway and immediately noticed Amanda staggering towards him. Adam stopped and placed his hands on his hips, looking like a mother who was about to reprimand their child. 

“Hey, hot stuff!” Amanda exclaimed, raising her arm in the air to wave. “Where you headed? You got a little piece waiting for you or something?” 

Adam walked towards her with determination. “Keep your voice down…there’s people sleeping around here.” 

“Ah …you’re no fun anymore,” she whined, waving him off with her hand. “I knew that as soon as you left tonight…what’s wrong with you anyway?” 

Adam cringed. The bar scene was old…to him anyway. Wherever he went, he attracted a crowd. A crowd of ogling girls and boys who all wanted the same thing…a piece of him. Nope, the bar scene definitely didn’t do it for him anymore. And tonight was no different. Within five minutes of entering the bar, people swarmed around him, hanging on his every word. 

While that did wonders for his ego at the beginning of his career...at the present time it did nothing but make him realize just how phony most people actually were. 

His every word was not worth hanging on to...celebrity or no celebrity. 

Amanda was eating up all the attention they were getting though, that was obvious to even the men that were swarming them. If Adam wasn’t going to give them the time of day they so thought they deserved, Amanda was. It was at that exact time when Adam announced that he was leaving. Of course, Amanda convinced the three men that were sitting with them to stay, leading them to believe that just maybe another celebrity would pop in. 

It took Adam every ounce of fiber in his being not to blurt out to those three men that even other celebrities’ words weren't worth hanging on to either...

Now, Adam wondered if that was such a good idea on his part – leaving early. Sighing, he shook his head at his drunken friend. “It gets old, Amanda…real old, real fast.” 

Amanda stopped in front of him and shrugged. “Well…you sure missed out tonight, buddy.” 

Adam grabbed her arm and pulled her the rest of the way back to the room. He opened the door, shoved Amanda inside and shut the door behind them. “Missed out on what, Amanda? Just exactly where the Hell were you, anyway?”   
Amanda jerked her arm away and blew out a loud sigh, before sitting down on the couch and kicking her shoes off. “Adam…lay off…it’s not what you think.” 

“Oh…it’s not?” 

Amanda shook her head. 

“Then what was it?” 

Adam could tell that Amanda was searching for words…his face dropped and his eyes started darting back and forth. He had her right where he wanted her. 

“Well…um…um…I went out for breakfast after the bar closed.” 

“Oh yeah, Amanda?” Adam sat down in the chair across from him and cocked his head to the side. “And just what restaurant was that?” 

“Steak-n-Shake.” 

Her answer came so swiftly and easily that Adam almost believed her…almost. “Who’d you go with?” 

Amanda glared at him. “Who died and made you my mommy?” 

Adam had the urge just to walk over and slap her. And if Amanda had been sober and able to defend herself, he just might have. “Excuse me for being worried.” He cleared his throat loudly and looked around the room casually. “Oh and by the way…Tommy called.” 

Amanda’s gaze shot up. “When?” she asked with a shaky voice. 

“Oh…about ten minutes ago.” 

Amanda’s face dropped, looking down. “And what’d you tell him?” 

Adam shook his head, got up from the chair and walked to the bedroom door, stopping for only a second. “I lied to him, don’t worry.” He inhaled deeply after admitting what he’d done. Just what had he done? “Yeah…you can thank me later…but…he'd better never find out that I lied.” 

Adam walked into the bedroom and slammed the door shut. Dropping to the bed, he thought about how he lied to Tommy. What kind of a friend was he? 

Despite Amanda having an alibi or whatever it was, he wasn’t convinced that she was telling the truth. _Damn you, Amanda…you’d better not be following in your father’s footsteps._

It wasn’t broadcast or openly displayed, but it was common knowledge among the immediate family members that Kevin Barlow had affairs. Something no one ever discussed but something just about every one close to them knew.   
And Adam was among the few to know. He knew about it almost immediately after meeting Amanda. Amanda had spilled the beans, so to speak, late one night after drinking too much. It was obvious to Adam at the time that she needed someone to talk to and Adam just happened to be the right person. 

Amanda was visibly distraught after finding out that her father had a mistress. She was the last to know and according to her, the one most deeply affected by it. Amanda kept telling Adam that she couldn’t understand why her mother accepted it, but for some reason, she did. 

Adam kicked back the covers and picked up the phone. He needed to hear Tommy’s voice…just to make sure he was okay. Or was it just to hear his voice? 

He felt terrible about lying to him…but what other choice did he have? He couldn’t tell Tommy the truth. Amanda was his friend and friends covered for each other. 

He’d done it for almost all of his friends and band mates too. And they had all done it for him at one time or another as well. So why was he having such a hard time with it now? 

_Because Tommy’s your friend, asshole, that’s why…_

But Amanda was his friend too…how do you choose between one friend and another? 

When Tommy finally answered the phone, Adam was relieved to be pulled from his thoughts. 

“Hello?” he said, sounding like he was wide-awake. 

“Hey, Tommy.” 

“Hi…is something wrong?” 

“No…no…I just wanted to say goodbye,” Adam said quietly. He closed his eyes and mouthed “sorry” to himself. “I probably won’t get a chance to talk to you before my flight.” 

Tommy didn’t say anything. 

“Tommy…you still there?” 

His voice was a whisper, “Yeah, I’m still here.”

“I’m sorry about everything…goodnight.” 

There was a long pause before he finally spoke again. “Sorry? Sorry for what?” 

“Just, sorry. Goodnight.” 

Adam didn’t give him a chance to say goodbye before he hung up the phone. He didn’t want Tommy to question his apology anymore than he already had. 

He was sorry about kissing Tommy.   
He was sorry for almost making love to Tommy.   
He was sorry about lying to Tommy.   
He was just…sorry. 

He vowed right then and there that if he ever found out that Amanda was cheating on Tommy, he’d strangle her with his own two hands. He wasn’t about to let anyone, friend or no friend, screw with Tommy. He was special to him. 

Tommy was someone that he loved deeply and unconditionally. He was someone who didn’t care about the fame or his money. He was someone who didn’t care if he never sold another record again. There weren’t too many people in his life that he could say that about…

He closed his eyes and remembered back to the exact day that he’d introduced Tommy to Amanda. He silently wondered whether or not things would’ve turned out differently for them if he’d never been introduced to Amanda. 

 

**********

 

_“And Amanda…this is Tommy,” Adam said, pulling her next to him. “He is my sexy, gorgeous, glitterbaby…so be nice to him.” He smiled, instantly noticing how they couldn’t keep their eyes off each other. “You two gonna talk to each other or just stare?”_

_Tommy looked at him and smiled. “Sorry…was it that obvious?”_

_Adam rolled his eyes and looked at Amanda. “I told you he was a little hottie.”_

_“I guess next time I’ll believe you,” Amanda said quickly. She turned to Tommy and shrugged. “So…do you want to get some dinner tonight and maybe catch a movie?”_

_Tommy looked over at Adam and clenched his teeth. “Well…I had plans with Adam…”_

_Adam interrupted them, “It’s okay…we’ll do it another night.”_

_“You sure?”_

_“Positive.” Adam’s heart sank slightly, but he managed to produce a smile in spite of it. “Besides…I should probably call Drake and see what he’s up to anyway…before he starts giving me the cold shoulder.”_

_He stood there for a couple more minutes, listening to them ramble on about themselves. He watched as Tommy’s face lit up every time Amanda smiled at him. He hadn’t seen Tommy this happy since the time they had made love._

_It seemed like a lifetime ago…even though it was merely a month earlier._

_When Adam told Tommy that he had a boyfriend and that he’d felt guilty about their brief interlude, Tommy was quick to put a halt to it and told him that he understood._

_Adam apologized and Tommy accepted it…no questions asked._

_Adam could remember his exact words that day, “I’m glad my first time with a man was with you and not some asshole…don’t be sorry…I’m not.”_

_Asshole…_

_“Earth to Adam!”_

_He looked at Tommy. “Yeah?”_

_“We’re gonna get going…I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”_

_“Sure.” He kissed Amanda on the forehead and then looked at Tommy. “You’d better be good to her…she’s from the Zodiac planet, or I’ll kick your ass.”_

_Adam patted him on the shoulder. “I understand, buddy…no problem.”_

_Adam watched as they walked away. When they were a few yards down the path, Tommy turned around and mouthed “thank you” to him._

 

**********

 

Getting out of bed, Adam glanced at the clock. It was almost five in the morning and he was exhausted. He needed to try and get some sleep. 

Walking in the living room area, he headed for the bar. Grabbing himself water, he opened it and walked over to the couch where Amanda was snoring softly. He looked down at her and immediately noticed that her shirt was mis-buttoned. Leaning forward, he took a closer look. Yep…it was mis-buttoned, all right. 

_What the hell are you up to, Amanda?_

He watched as his friend lay there. Amanda looked as if she didn’t have a care in the world. And why would she? She pretty much had it made. Even when she “ran away” from home – if it could be called that - and worked at the Zodiac Show…she didn’t have a care in the world. 

Amanda never seemed to worry about anything. And then there was Adam…he worried about everyone and everything. He was even worrying about Amanda now and whether or not she was cheating on Tommy. Amanda didn’t look worried…so why should he worry? Adam shook his head in disgust, “Knock it off, Lambert…it’s her problem…not yours.” 

He headed back to bed and called down to the front desk. “Yes…could you please change my wake-up call to eight?”   
When he hung up the phone, he decided to try and get some sleep. He really wasn’t getting much sleep lately…not there and not back home in LA either. He was constantly being pulled in different directions. Now with having to be back in the studios in October, he decided he should try and take a vacation while he still could. 

He needed to get away from it all and sleep. Somewhere where pesky reporters, charity supporters, loving fans or his band mates wouldn’t bother him. Somewhere where they had a bed, a TV and food…that was really all he needed.   
A vacation… 

 

**********

 

The next two weeks flew by for Tommy. He was safely tucked away at the resort on Bay Island now and thoroughly enjoying the solitude. Amanda was in London and his soon-to-be mother-in-law wasn’t due in for another week and a half. 

Life was good. 

The resort was pretty deserted as well. In preparation for the wedding, the clientele was limited. It was planned that way and had been in the works for over two years. As soon as Amanda and Tommy announced their engagement, Mr. & Mrs. Barlow insisted that the wedding take place on the island and that they wait at least two and a half years to actually take their vows. 

Tommy balked at the order that was handed down, but in the end, Anne won that battle too. Just like she always did. In Anne’s opinion, they needed at least two years to reserve the entire resort for their guests and family. 

It didn’t matter what Tommy or Amanda thought… 

Tommy sat down at the pool and looked around. In a little less than seven weeks, the resort would be jam packed with family, wedding guests, photographers, camera men, band members, florists, decorators and last but not least…the wedding coordinator. The thought actually made his stomach turn. 

He really didn’t like big crowds. He _really_ didn’t like big crowds that would be scrutinizing his every move. And that’s exactly what they would be doing. All eyes would be on him. Not Amanda, but him. 

Opening his laptop, he inserted his flash memory drive. Smiling to himself, he opened his Word document and relaxed. His new song was almost finished. Thanks to the two weeks that just passed, he had almost completed eleven songs, that could make an album… _Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes._

He was only one song away from finishing the album. Tommy had been working on it for well over nine months now and still couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t write the last song of the album. He was hoping that he would’ve had a breakthrough during the writing process, but it didn’t happen. Now, he was hoping for a miracle. He needed the last song…. 

“Excuse me…Mr. Ratliff?” 

Tommy looked up and smiled at his favorite waiter. “Brett…please call me Tommy.” 

He leaned over and whispered, “I would, Mr. Ratliff but I heard that Mrs. Barlow chewed somebody out once for referring to you as that. I don’t want to get fired.” 

Tommy shook his head. Who gave Anne the right to tell someone how he should be addressed? “Well, Mrs. Barlow won’t be here for ten more days, so until then…you can call me Tommy.” 

“Okay…if you say so.” He took Tommy’s empty glass and shrugged. “Would you like another drink?” 

“Yes, thank you.” He thought for a moment, glancing down at the last verse at where he’d left off only yesterday. “This time make it a ‘sex on the beach’ though.” 

“Coming right up, Tommy.”

Tommy winked at him and went back to writing. He had left off in the middle of a hot and sexy song. While he waited for his drink, he closed his eyes and imagined that song being sung.  Unbeknownst to him, he moaned slightly. 

“Man…what I wouldn’t give to know what you’re thinking right now.” 

Tommy’s eyes flew open and he turned around. Slouching in his chair when he saw his ‘intruder’, he smiled. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Adam handed Tommy the drink. “Giving you your sex on the beach.” 

It took Tommy a moment to realize that Adam was referring to the drink. He took his drink from Adam and placed it on the little nesting table next to him, letting out a nervous laugh. 

“Are you thinking about sex?” Adam asked in that deep voice of his. 

Tommy swung around, hearing Adam’s tone. And when he did, he noticed Adam crouched down and leaning over his chair. He was looking directly at his laptop, with his eyes wide open. 

“So…that’s why you were moaning,” he laughed. 

Tommy slammed the laptop shut. “I wasn’t moaning,” he said sternly. 

“Oh yeah, you were,” he answered just as sternly. 

Tommy placed his laptop on the nesting table and frowned. “You’re awfully nosey…” 

Adam laughed and walked around to the side. Holding out his hand, he waited until Tommy took hold of him. Pulling him up, Adam brought him into a great big bear hug. It felt like he was squeezing the life right out of Tommy with how tightly he held him. 

“Now…I’ll ask you again…what are you doing here?” 

“Vacationing…what else?” Adam answered in his ear. 

Tommy pulled away from him. “Are you serious?” 

He nodded. 

“How’d you get reservations on such short notice?” Thinking about his stupid question and noticing Adam’s stupid look, he shook his head. “Never mind…dumb question, I know. How long you staying?” 

“For a long time,” he said, walking over to the pool and jumping in. 

_A long time?_

Adam swam to the surface and leaned on the cement edge. “Until your wedding.” 

Tommy walked towards him and crouched down. “Seriously?” 

Adam nodded again as he grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him right into the pool. 

When Tommy popped up from beneath the surface, he couldn’t help but laugh while catching his breath. Splashing Adam in the face, he got closer to him. “I should kick your ass for that one, Lambert.” 

“Oh, now come on…be a good sport. Besides, you were wearing your bathing suit…it could’ve been worse.” He cocked his head to the side and looked down. “Nice bathing suit too, by the way.” 

“Thanks,” Tommy replied, fidgeting slightly underneath his stare. “So…does Amanda know you’re here?” 

Adam dipped his head back into the water and slid his hands over his hair to slick it back and off his face. 

_Oh shit…_

“Of course,” he replied smirking. “She’s the one that insisted on it. I needed a vacation and she offered.” He threw his arm up in the arm and twirled around like Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune. “Who could resist this?” 

“You’re taking a _seven_ -week vacation?” 

Adam began to swim away from Tommy, towards the waterfall in the back corner of the pool, yelling over his shoulder, “Might as well…” 

“ _Seven_ weeks?” he asked again. Who on earth took a seven-week vacation? 

Evidently…Adam Lambert…along with Tommy. 

Tommy got out of the pool and turned around to watch as Adam completed his haul across the pool. He looked good…too damn good. When he turned around, Tommy was still staring at him and when Adam waved at him, he dropped his head slightly and waved back. Busted!

After drying off, he sat back down, grabbed his laptop and began pounding away at the keys. He needed to finish the last song…come hell or high water…he needed to. For over an hour, he typed and then stopped to look over at Adam.   
Type…stop…look at Adam…type…stop…look at Adam…

At this rate, he’d never complete his song. And in an hour’s time…he only typed one damn verse. 

He was too busy watching Adam make new friends with the few people that were in the pool. He was just too friendly and Tommy was just too… 

Jealous? 

Tommy’s eye’s immediately focused on Ted Taylor, the resort’s one and only nightclub singer….make that gay singer. “Figures,” he mumbled under his breath. Ted always had someone going gaga over him. He was beautiful and had a voice sent down from heaven. Even the most jealous of men would have to admit that. 

Jealous? 

Ted was tall and had a body to die for. His long, black hair was always styled nicely and his deep green eyes were dazzling. It was the very first thing most people noticed about him. 

_Me…jealous?_

Tommy ran his fingers through his hair. After all these years, he had still kept his hair blonde. And his eyes? Well, they definitely weren’t a dazzling green…they were brown. 

He found himself absolutely mesmerized by Adam, watching his every move. Try as he might, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. Not writing his song and not his cell phone that was rudely interrupting his thoughts. 

Picking up the phone, he didn’t even check who it was…something he usually did. He was too engrossed in watching the man in the pool. “Hello?” 

“Hi, honey…something wrong?” 

Amanda…the woman he should be thinking about. 

“No,” he replied casually. “Why?” 

“You sound upset.” 

Tommy turned his head so he wasn’t looking at Adam anymore. “I’m fine, sweetie…how are you?” 

Amanda let out a long sigh. “I’m lonely…but I’ll survive. Whatcha been doing all week?” 

Tommy closed his laptop and placed it on the ground next to him. “Not much…just relaxing until your mother gets here.” 

Amanda laughed. “Hey…did you see your surprise yet?” 

Tommy smiled and turned back around. Adam was making his way back to his end of the pool now. “If you mean Adam…yeah, I’m looking right at him as we speak.” 

She laughed again. “I thought you could use the company. I know how bored you get there when I’m not around.”

Tommy suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. Lately when he came to the resort, he was never bored. In fact, he loved it…writing songs was something he really enjoyed doing. It was just too bad that he couldn’t tell Amanda about it too. 

“Hey…is Adam there?” 

“Yeah, just a second.” Tommy stood up and walked over to the edge of the pool. “Hurry up, Adam…Amanda wants to talk to you!” 

Adam nodded and swam harder. Climbing the stairs to get out, Tommy noticed the water dripping from his muscular body. Shaking his head to rid the thoughts from his mind, he looked away and handed him the phone. 

“Thanks….” Adam turned his attention towards the phone. “Hey, sexy…what’s up?” 

Tommy could only hear one side of the conversation…but it was enough for him to figure out that Adam already had his sights set on Ted. 

“Is he? He didn’t mention that to me.”

“Yeah…no doubt. I’m gonna head there tonight.”

“Yeah…he looks like he’s been keeping busy…” 

Adam glanced at Tommy’s laptop on the ground and smiled at Tommy. “I caught him writing …” 

He stopped mid-sentence when he felt Tommy hitting him. “Hang on a sec,” he huffed into the phone. Placing his hand over the phone, he shrugged. “What?” 

“Don’t say anything about me writing music…please.” 

“Why the hell not?” 

Tommy whispered quietly, “She doesn’t know and if she finds out…she’ll freak on me.” 

Adam shrugged his shoulders and went back to the phone. “It looks like he’s been writing you a love letter…or an email or something…trying to keep himself busy, I suppose.” 

“Don’t worry…later.” 

He handed the phone back to Tommy, who promptly said his goodbyes. “Well, I should let you go, honey…I need to head back to the room and get ready for dinner.” Tommy looked over at Adam and mouthed “thank you”. “Love you too, honey…bye.” 

When he hung up his cell phone, he reached down and grabbed his laptop. “Well, I’ll see you later.” 

With his laptop under his arm, he started to walk past Adam. He didn’t get very far…Adam pulled him back. 

“What was that all about?” 

“What?” he asked. 

“Me not telling Amanda that you were writing music.” 

Tommy shrugged. “Oh that…” 

“Yeah… _that_.”

“It’s a long story, Adam.” 

Adam grabbed his towel and put his arm around Tommy. “Well…I got the next seven weeks to listen to it.” He started walking with Tommy. “Where do you want to start?” 

Tommy laughed loudly. “Where’s your room?” 

“Right next door to yours…so you don’t have any excuses…we can stay up all night and talk if you want.” He looked over at Tommy and smiled. “And before you ask…yes, I requested to be in the room next to you.” 

Tommy looked at him and rolled his eyes. “It’ll bore you to tears…or sleep.” 

He grabbed a fist of Tommy’s hair and yanked it back lightly. “I’ll be the judge of that.” Smiling, they continued walking towards their rooms and stopped when they reached Tommy’s door. “You want company for dinner?” 

“Don’t you have plans?” 

Adam shook his head. “What plans?” 

“I don’t know…I just thought…that maybe you asked Ted to dinner?” Tommy felt himself actually getting jealous at the thought of it. 

“Nope…”

Tommy smiled and relaxed a little bit. Why did he care so much? He shouldn’t. 

“Actually…we have plans for dinner tomorrow night…so it looks like you have me all to yourself tonight.” 

Tommy’s smiled faded with Adam’s announcement of his dinner date for the following evening. He did care. Shit, this was not good. Not good at all. “Great…pick me up in an hour.” 

He turned to walk into his room and stopped when he heard Adam gasp. 

“An hour? You need a whole hour?” Adam threw his arms up in mock disgust.

“It’s vacation time, boy…not primping time. Who you gonna try and impress anyway? Amanda isn’t even here.” 

Tommy turned around, smiled and batted his eyelashes. “Well…you of course.” 

Adam laughed, swatting Tommy on the butt. “Don’t tease me like that…” 

Tommy was teasing…right? 

 

**********

 

When Adam arrived at his door, in exactly an hour, Tommy’s nerves started unraveling. What was wrong with him anyway? Taking a deep breath, he mumbled, “It’s only Adam, Tommy…calm down.” Opening the door only slightly, he told Adam to close his eyes and then waited for a few seconds. “Are they closed?” 

“Yes.”

He opened the door and pulled Adam in by the arm. “Okay…you can open them now.” 

Adam did as he was told and looked around the room for a few seconds before glancing his way. “Wow…this place is beautiful.” 

Tommy frowned. He didn’t mean for Adam to be in awe over his room. He wanted Adam to be in awe over him. He’d taken extreme measures, primping and Adam didn’t even notice. Disappointed, he looked around the room and managed a little smile. “Yeah…it’s pretty nice.” 

“ _Pretty_ nice?” Adam walked into the living room and looked up. “Dude, you even got skylights.” 

Tommy looked up and laughed. “Dude,” he mocked. “I am almost the son-in-law, you know. I’m entitled to those five skylights.” He rolled his eyes and then started to talk seriously. “I love when it rains here…the sound on the skylights is pretty cool.” 

Adam nodded. “I bet…next time it rains, I’ll be over.” Smiling, he looked at Tommy. “You ready?” 

“Why?” Tommy walked over to the mirrored front closet doors and cocked his head slightly. “Don’t I look ready?” 

Adam walked up behind Tommy and snaked his arms around the shorter man. Feeling Adam so close to him made Tommy sigh. Adam looked at Tommy through the mirror. “I didn’t mean that.” He leaned in to smell Tommy’s freshly washed hair. “You look great…and you primped anyway, didn’t you?” 

“Of course,” Tommy replied, watching Adam smell his hair. “I’m not a tease.” 

“You’re not, huh?” Adam asked, smiling at Tommy back in the mirror. Winking, he kissed the top of Tommy’s head. “You do look really nice.” 

“Thanks.” Tommy couldn’t take his eyes off Adam. He looked incredibly handsome…standing there with his arms around him. They almost looked like a couple standing there, a perfectly matched couple. 

When Adam looked back at the mirror, he smiled at Tommy. “Ready?” 

He dropped his hold on Tommy and Tommy turned around. “Yep.”

“Okay then…grab your stuff and let’s go.” 

 

********** 

 

There were two restaurants on the resort. Since this was an all-inclusive type of resort, to a certain extent, the guests had their pick. ‘The Islander’ was the exclusive one and the dress code was up-scale. Since most of the guests were on the wealthier side – this one was always busy. This restaurant also required the guests to pay, unlike ‘Bayside’. It wasn’t by any means all that expensive, but it did go above and beyond the simplicity of ‘Bayside’. 

‘Bayside,’ the other choice, was more on the casual side. It was a buffet-style setting, and while there were loads of different foods to choose from, it wasn’t to the extent that ‘The Islander’ was. Tommy visited this one the most since he really felt that he didn’t fit in with the other crowd. Even though Amanda and her parents were wealthy – he still didn’t feel like he belonged. 

Seeing as how both Tommy and Adam were dressed casually, they chose ‘Bayside’, which was just fine with Tommy.   
After retrieving their food from the buffet lines, Adam sat back and looked at Tommy. “So…you gonna tell me why you don’t want Amanda knowing that you’re writing?” 

“Do I have to?” 

Adam shook his head, eating a spoonful of his chicken dumpling soup. “But I’m all ears if you want to.” 

Tommy sighed and put down his fork. What the hell? Adam already knew most of it anyway. He was well aware of his dreams from day one. “Okay…you know how my dream was to always play and write for the biggest rockers out there, right?” 

“Yeah,” Adam replied, nodding and blowing the soup on his spoon. 

Tommy’s heartbeat quickened with the sight of lips forming a little “O”. 

“I said yeah,” Adam repeated, noticing Tommy’s lack of response. “Something wrong?” he asked, taking the spoon into his mouth. 

 _Oh, shit_ … What was wrong with him? Clearing his throat, Tommy shook his head. “No, nothing’s wrong…anyway…that’s what I’ve been doing for the past nine months now…trying to catch my dream.” Tommy quickly grabbed his fork again and took a bite of his food. He couldn’t watch Adam eat, for some strange reason it was turning him on. When he finally looked up at Adam, Tommy noticed that he had put down his spoon and was just staring at him. He looked upset. “Aren’t you hungry?” 

He looked down at his food and sighed. “Not really.” Adam looked back up at him. “Why can’t Amanda know?” 

He replied almost automatically, “Because she’s forbidden me to write or play music.” 

Adam leaned forward in his seat. “She _what_?” 

“She doesn’t want me to play or write, Adam.” He placed his fork down again and placed his hands in his lap, catching his breath. The last thing he needed to do was to lose control of his emotions in front of him. He was a grown-up and he was going to handle this the grown-up way. “She thinks that it’s childish and told me that no husband of her was going to be in a stupid band.” 

Adam started to laugh. “Stupid?”

“That’s what she said,” he casually said. “She wants me to start working for her father.”

Adam looked concerned by his statement. Cocking his head to the side, he sighed. “So…if she doesn’t want you to write and play music – which, by the way, I think is what you are born to do – then what’re you going to do with these songs when you’re finished?” 

Tommy smiled. “Well…try and sell them of course.” 

Adam scrunched up his nose. “Don’t you think she’ll find out about it if they’re published?” 

“Not if I use a different name.” 

“A different name?” 

“Yeah, like an alias…she’ll never know it’s me…that’s going under the assumption that I can even sell them,” Tommy said, shrugging. 

Adam smiled at him. “You’ll sell them…I’d almost bet on that one. If you’re moaning the other day was any indication…you’ll sell them in no time.” He smiled, laughing a little. “So…what’s your alias…if I may ask.” 

Tommy thought long and hard for a minute. “Only if you promise not to laugh.” 

Adam nodded. 

“Duke Devereaux,” he replied, holding his head high. 

Adam’s eyebrows furrowed, followed by the biting of his bottom lip that was then followed by a deep roar. 

“You promised you weren’t gonna laugh,” Tommy pouted, shooting him a disgusted look. 

Adam muffled his laugher the best he could. “I did not. I nodded when you asked…I never said I wouldn’t laugh.”  
Dropping his head, he grabbed hold of his spoon and dipped it back in his bowl of soup. “You know…that’s not right for her to be telling you that you can’t do something that you’ve always had your heart set on.” 

“I know it isn’t…” he trailed, not really knowing what else to say. What could he say? He knew it wasn’t right, but at the same time, he didn’t have a choice. 

“Tommy?”

He looked up at Adam. “What?” 

“If you know it isn’t right…then why’d you agree to it?” 

Tommy shrugged his shoulders and willed himself not to cry. He was a grown-up. He had to handle this the grown-up way. Grown-ups didn’t cry. Grown-ups accepted what was thrown their way and learned to deal with it. “What other choice do I have, Adam?” 

Adam blew a breath out his nose and grunted. “You could choose to have a backbone and stand up to her. That’s what the Tommy I know and remember would’ve done.” 

He was right. That is what Tommy would’ve done years ago…but somewhere along the line, his spirit had been crushed. When he looked up at Adam, a tear fell down his cheek. _So much for being a grown-up…_

“We wouldn’t be getting married then,” he said quietly. 

Adam’s hand reached across the table and went to Tommy’s cheek. Wiping the tear away, he brought his other hand around and cupped Tommy’s face. “Maybe you _shouldn’t_ be getting married then.” 

“I love her, Adam.” 

Adam shook his head. “I don’t doubt that, honey…and I know she loves you. But is this really what you want out of life? To have your wife squash the life right out of you?” Adam lowered his voice, “Because that’ll be what happens, you know…I can already tell that it’s starting.” 

Tommy searched his eyes for compassion and when he didn’t see any, he whispered, “She’s your friend, Adam.” 

“Yes…she’s my friend…but what she’s doing isn’t right. No one has a right to tell someone else that they can’t try and reach for their dreams… _no one_.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “Just think about that for a minute…no one has that right. If I would’ve listened to some of my so-called friends back during my theater days, I would never be where I am today.” 

Tommy's voice started to deepen, a sure sign that he was going to start defending Amanda. It happened this way every time he defended her. Be it with his friends or mother, it always happened the same way. And the first sure sign was his voice. “It’s not just her, you know. She’s worried about what her parents will think.” 

“Who gives a shit about what someone else thinks…this isn’t about her parents. It’s about _you_ and _your_ dream.” Adam let go of his face and put his hands on the table. “Maybe you should start thinking about yourself.” 

“Shit, Adam…that isn’t how a relationship works. You can’t just think about yourself when you’re in a relationship.” Tommy leaned forward and pointed at him. “Maybe that’s why you’re not capable of keeping a relationship intact…maybe you’re too selfish. Have you ever thought of that?” 

Tommy dropped his finger and watched as Adam’s face turned red. “Don’t try and turn the tables, Tommy…we’re talking about you and Amanda…not about me and my failed relationships.” 

Tommy dropped his head. He was right. This wasn’t about Adam and his failed relationships. It was about him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

“Forget about it…I know you’re upset and quite frankly, I don’t blame you. But it’s not me who you should be taking this out on – it’s Amanda.” 

“I can’t even talk to her about it, Adam…she won’t listen.” Grabbing his fork again, he silently dug into his food. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

For a couple of minutes, it was silent. And then out of the blue, Adam swore under his breath. “Is this about her inheritance?” 

“What?”

“Is she worried about what her parents will think because it might affect her inheritance?” 

Tommy shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know…she hasn’t said that exactly…” 

Adam interrupted him, “She doesn’t need to. She is so caught up in this whole inheritance thing that it’s starting to affect her sanity.” He slumped down in his seat. “I don’t know, Tommy…if I were you, I’d really be thinking this whole marriage thing through.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Tommy started to get up from his seat. “Now you don’t think that I should marry her?” 

Adam grabbed Tommy’s arm. “I didn’t say that…sit down, please.” 

“I don’t want to sit down and weren’t you just the one that said I should grow a backbone?” Tommy pulled his arm away from him and spat, “Well, guess what? I just did!” 

He stomped past Adam and walked right out of the restaurant. 

Adam threw his chair back and jumped up from his seat. 

Once Tommy walked outside, he started running towards his room. He ran and ran and just when he didn’t think he could run anymore, he picked up his pace and ran faster. 

Glancing up, he saw that he was almost to his room. He wanted to get inside and lock himself in. He didn’t want to think about anything anymore tonight. He just wanted to retreat inside and start writing. He wanted to get lost in his fantasy world. 

If only he could run faster…

Feeling someone at his heels, he turned around and shouted when he was pushed to the ground. “Goddamn it, Adam! Let go of me.” 

Adam held him down in a wrestling hold, with one hand on Tommy’s chest and one on his thigh. “Not until you calm down.” 

Tommy started pounding Adam’s chest with his fists. “I will NOT calm down…I grew a backbone, remember?”   
Adam grabbed his wrists and forced them to the ground. “You need to grow the backbone when Amanda’s around, boy …not me.”

“Hmph…” 

“Hmph…is right,” he replied mockingly. 

Tommy knew he had two choices. He could continue to kick and yell, staying there all night and missing his opportunity to crank out another song or two. Or, he could calm down and get the hell away from the man that was causing him to lose sight of what was important in his life…Amanda. 

“Now, listen…are you going to listen to me?” he asked. 

Tommy didn’t move. Option number two was his choice. 

“Fine…I didn’t mean that you shouldn’t marry Amanda…I just think that you ought to sit down and talk things through.”   
Tommy looked at him. Through a clenched jaw, he managed to say, “You don’t think I’ve tried that?” 

“I don’t know…have you?” 

Here we go again… “Yes…you big oaf, I have! I need that fucking money. I need to pay our debts…I should take care of my family…my mom,” Tommy’s voice cracked.

“Hey…hey…” Adam moved over to the side and sat down next to Tommy. He pulled Tommy up and brought him close to this chest. “Don’t cry, Tommy…,” he said, rubbing his back. “Come on, baby.” 

“I…I…I…can’t…can’t…he…hel…help…it. I’m emotional…and…and…my wedding is in seven…seven…oh fuck…seven weeks,” he cried into Adam’s chest. 

“Okay, buddy,” he said, standing to his feet. “Let’s go back to your room and talk.”  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eighth album.

Once they were back in her room, Tommy confided in Adam his feelings towards Amanda and her family. It took a little prodding on Adam’s part, but within ten minutes of entering Tommy’s room, he let it all out. And he didn’t stop until he was completely finished.

Adam was shocked to hear how Amanda’s family, once knowing Tommy’s desperate need to pay back his family’s debts after his father’s death, had taken control of Tommy’s life and dreams. It wasn’t right, Adam knew it and he knew Tommy knew it. But what shocked him most was the fact that even though Tommy knew it, he’d let them.

“I don’t know what to say to you Tommy without you getting upset.”

Tommy walked over to his balcony and opened the door. “It’s beautiful out here…c’mere.”

Adam got up and joined him on the balcony. He sat in a chair while Tommy took a seat on the hammock, eventually allowing himself to fall back and relax.

Blowing out a deep breath, Tommy looked over at Adam. “I don’t know what to say either. I know that letting her into my family issues and letting her use that against me to take control over my life wasn’t the wisest move on my part…but I guess I thought that after we got married things would change and who knows, maybe they will.”

Adam’s eyes slowly made their way back to Tommy’s while he shook his head. “You know better than that, Tommy.”

Tommy shrugged and looked away. “It’s a done deal now. I’ll just have to work hard at changing her once the paper is signed.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

Tommy continued to stare out into space. “I have to,” he whispered.

He did. Adam could tell that he did. Was he really that naïve? “I hope you’re right.”

“So…” Tommy trailed, looking back at him. “Let’s talk about you and what’s going on in your life these days.”

Adam pulled the other chair around and put his feet up. “Not much…sometime in June I’m heading back to the studios to record the next album.”

Tommy used his hand to push off the railing in order to swing. “When you gonna go off and try acting?”

 “I’ll just have to wait and see …” he trailed, turning his head back towards the room when he heard the phone ring. “Do you want me to go and get it?”

Tommy nodded, swearing under his breath. “Just tell whoever it is that I’m busy.”

When he came back out, he was carrying Tommy’s cell phone with him. Covering the mouthpiece, he held it towards Tommy. “I’m gonna get going…it’s Amanda.”

Tommy rolled his eyes, grabbing the phone. “Thanks for tonight…I had a nice time.”

Adam leaned over the hammock and kissed Tommy’s forehead. “Anytime.”

**********

When Adam entered _Bay Times_ , the nightclub at the resort, he immediately took notice of the beautiful voice vibrating throughout the building and smiled. It was Ted’s and it was amazing.

He sat down at the closest table next to the stage and ordered a drink. When he glanced towards the stage, he noticed Ted looking right back at him.

Smiling, he sat back and watched in silence as Ted completed his set. Amanda was right…Ted had a beautiful voice and he wasn’t hard on the eyes either. Two definite plusses, as far as Adam was concerned.

Within minutes of Ted finishing, he walked up to the table and smiled. “Do you mind if I join you?”

Adam pulled out a chair. “Not at all.” After Ted sat down, Adam called the waitress over and leaned over the table. “What can I get you?”

Ted smiled, leaning in towards him. “You buying?”

“Something like that,” he replied, winking. It was an all inclusive resort…no need to buy.

“Gin and tonic.”

Adam ordered the drink and then brought his attention back to Ted. “You have an amazing voice.”

He could have sworn Ted was blushing. Even in the darkness, Adam could see it. “Thank you.”

“So…” he trailed, taking a swig of his beer and then placing it back down on the table. “Why didn’t you tell me you sing?”

Ted shrugged, stirring his drink with the straw. “Considering who you are and all, I didn’t want you to think that I was trying to audition for you.”

Adam was taken aback by his honesty. “You know who I am?”

Ted nodded, keeping his eyes glued to his drink. “I’m a big fan.”

Now it was Adam’s turn to blush. “Thank you.”

Somehow, in the midst of being in a crowded nightclub…it fell silent.

“So…how long are you going to be here for?” Ted asked, breaking the silence.

Adam smiled, looking up from his beer label. “Until _the event_ takes place.”

Ted laughed, looking up from his drink. “The wedding you mean?”

“Yeah.”

Silence…again.

Adam desperately searched for words to fill the silence. It was awkward and uncomfortable and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why he was having such a hard time talking to the beautiful man in front of him. He never had a problem with that. Maybe back in high school he did…but definitely not now. Adam looked around the club and noticed that the crowd had dwindled. “This place cleared out after you finished your set…that’s a pretty nice compliment.”

“Thanks.”

Silence…again.

Okay…this wasn’t going too good. They were obviously both at a loss for words. Ted, as well as him. What was the problem here? Why couldn’t he think of anything to talk about?

Adam ran a hand over his hair and faked a pleasant smile when Ted looked his way. Think…think…think Lambert… “So…have you attended any of my shows?” _Oh shit…I didn’t just ask that…did I?_

“One…last year during your _Glam Nation_ tour.”

Adam produced another fake smile. “Did you enjoy it?” _Oh fuck, Lambert…shut up already…would you?_

“Very much…my friend and I had a great time,” he replied, smiling back.

“You didn’t try following our buses, did you?” _Shit…what the hell is wrong with me?_

“No,” Ted said, looking at him strangely.

“Stalk the hotel or anything?” Adam asked with a smirk. _Fuck…just shut the hell up…you sound like a buffoon._ “Never mind, I’m just playing with you.”

He forced a smile then shut the hell up.

Silence…again.

Finishing his beer, he stood up. “Do you want to go for a walk or something?”

Ted held up his finger while downing the rest of her drink. “Sure.”

“You might have to lead…I’m not very familiar with the grounds.”

Ted stood up and reached for Adam’s hand. “Not a problem.”

Together, hand in hand, they walked the entire grounds. Adam didn’t realize just how much ground there was either – it took them nearly two hours to walk it. Two long, agonizing hours too. Way too long.

During the entire walk, they hardly talked. There really wasn’t much to say. Adam asked Ted about his job and everything else but when it came time for Ted to ask Adam something, he didn’t. And whenever Adam would tell him something, he always nodded and said, “I know.”

“I have a brother.”

“I know.”

“My parents are divorced…”

“I know.”

“I spent about two weeks in college before dropping out.”

 

“I know.”

“My favorite performer…”

“I know.”

“I love dressing up …”

“I know.”

After ten minutes of playing the “I know” game with Ted, what Adam really wanted to shout was… ‘Hey…I have a big penis’ …just to hear if Ted would say “I know” or not.

That was one of the many pitfalls of being famous. Everyone already knows everything about you, leaving very little to talk about. Unfortunately, turning the tables and asking Ted questions didn’t help. He wouldn’t really offer any information and kept telling Adam that he’d rather talk about him.

Why? Why would he rather talk about Adam when he already _knew_ everything there was to know?

“So, you want to head back?” he asked.

Ted nodded. “Yeah…it’s getting late.”

“Where’s your room?”

“I can manage on my own…why don’t we just go to your room first?”

Adam looked at him. Was Ted inviting himself to his room? “Sure.”

Once they reached the path leading to his room upstairs, Ted stopped. He turned around and then put his arms around Adam’s neck. “Maybe tomorrow we can hook up during the day…maybe catch some sun or something.”

 _And talk about what?_ “Sounds good.”

Ted leaned forward and closed his eyes. He wanted to kiss him. That was obvious. Ted was obvious. Why were some people always so damn obvious? He tried his best to smile and followed suit. What else could he do? Brushing his lips to Ted’s, Adam placed his hands around Ted’s waist.

Maybe it wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Ted couldn’t hold a conversation for shit but his lips felt good. Not quite as good as Tommy’s…

Adam jerked back. Why the hell did Tommy just pop into his mind? He closed his eyes, dropped his head back and sighed. And when he finally opened his eyes, he noticed Tommy standing on his balcony. He was staring directly at them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, right?”

Adam smiled. “Sure, goodnight.”

Ted walked away and Adam looked up at Tommy’s balcony again.

He was gone.

Sighing, he looked back at Ted and watched him. When he turned around, Ted smiled at him. “I knew you were gonna watch me walk away.”

“You did?”

Ted laughed, throwing his head back. “Yep…goodnight.”

Adam headed up to his room and stopped at Tommy’s door. He wanted to knock. He wanted to check on him. He wanted to see him. But something was stopping him.

“Fuck,” he mumbled quietly. “He’s getting married…that’s what’s stopping me.”

Bringing his fist to the door, he stopped mid-air. It was late and Tommy probably didn’t want to be bothered.

“Goodnight, Tommy,” he whispered, turning to head to his room.

**********

For the next five days, Tommy pretty much locked himself in his room. The blow of seeing Adam kiss Ted upset him more than he wanted to admit. It shouldn’t have bothered him, he wished it wouldn’t have bothered him...but the truth was, it did bother him.

During his five-day seclusion, he ordered room service for every meal and never once set foot outside. He stuck his ‘DO NOT DISTURB’ sign on his door and thankfully, no one bothered him. More importantly, Adam didn’t disturb him. Wasn’t that really the point in the first place?

For five days, Tommy read his songs. For five days, he re-read his songs. For five days, he typed and retyped the last song and for five days, he deleted the last song.

For the life of him, he couldn’t come up with the last song.  
For the life of him, he couldn’t stop thinking about Adam and Ted kissing.

Taking his frustration out on his laptop, he slammed the lid closed. It was useless. He couldn’t get his mind off the fact that Adam was with someone and that someone wasn’t him. It was asinine and severely cramping his ability to see things clearly.

Walking into the bedroom, he stripped down and put his bathing suit on. He had had enough. Grabbing his sun block and towel, he headed straight for the beach.

No swimming pool for him today.  
He wanted to swim with the sharks.

Maybe swimming with the sharks, something which he never did, would scare him into an idea about the last song. Fat chance…but worth a shot.

After cooling off in the ocean, in only ankle deep water, he went and relaxed on a lounge chair. Throwing his sun block on the sand, he decided to live dangerously.

No sun block…no swimming pool…no Adam.

Tommy sighed, closing his eyes while taking in the sun. He needed to get Adam out of his mind and think about Amanda. Amanda was the one he was marrying. Amanda was the one he should be thinking about.

He had just started to drift off when he felt someone grab his hand and pull him up. “What the hell?” he mumbled, standing to his feet. When he settled in on the intruder’s face, he barked at him. “Adam!”

“Come on…do you want to have some fun?”

“Do I have a choice?” he asked, being dragged behind him. “And what kind of fun did you have in mind?”

Adam pulled him a few yards down the beach and then stopped in front of a Yamaha Waverunner that was pulled on shore. Taking his hands, he pushed Tommy towards it. “We’re going for a ride.” He bent over the machine and grabbed a life jacket off the back, throwing it at Tommy. “Put it on!”

“Oh, no you’re not,” Tommy barked, while Adam pushed him on. “I’m not going out on one of those things in the middle of that.” He pointed out to the middle of the ocean.

“Why? You afraid of the ocean now?” Adam asked, rolling his eyes and putting on his lifejacket.

“It’s not the ocean I’m afraid of…it’s all those damn hungry sharks out there that scare the bejeebers out of me.”

Once Adam started to push the Waverunner off the shore, Tommy put on his lifejacket as he was told. It was obvious that he had no way out of this now. “I’m gonna kill you.”

Adam laughed. “I’ll protect you.” He pushed the machine out further in the water, walking alongside of it. “You have nothing to be afraid of…except maybe me.” He smiled at Tommy and winked.

 _No shit…I am afraid of you…_ Tommy closed his eyes and placed his hands over them. “You had better not dump us out there, I’ll freak on you.”

He jumped on once he was knee deep and started the Waverunner up. Slowly, he maneuvered his way around swimmers and boats that were anchored close to the shore.

“Okay…this I can handle…but don’t go any faster.”

At that exact moment, Adam went full throttle.

“Fuck, Adam! Next time tell me before you do that! I almost lost my balance and flew off the back!” Tommy was yelling so loud that his throat hurt immediately afterwards. Instantly, his arms tightened their grip around Adam.

Adam yelled back to him, “Okay.” Tommy was squeezing the life out of Adam and he knew it but he couldn’t help it, he was scared shitless. “Loosen your grip a bit…you’re about to kill me.”

Together, they rode and jumped the waves for a good twenty minutes before Tommy started to relax. If he wasn’t yelling, Adam was constantly shaking his head and laughing at him. And each time they hit another wave, his grip would tighten right back up.

Adam turned his head a little. “Are you having fun yet?”

“What?” he yelled back, leaning closer to Adam’s face.

He yelled louder, “Are you having fun yet?”

Just then…the Waverunner took a spill and both Tommy and Adam fell into the water. The machine righted itself immediately along with Adam, but Tommy was a different story.

Finally, his face bobbed up from beneath the water. “ADAM! ADAM!” He was yelling and turning around in circles frantically searching for him. “ADAM!”

He could vaguely hear Adam splashing around, but Tommy couldn’t see him. “I’m right here, Tommy.” He swam towards Tommy. When Adam finally reached him, Tommy threw his arms up around Adam’s neck and wrapped his legs tightly around him. “I…couldn’t…see you.”

Adam put his hand on Tommy’s head, pulling it to his shoulder. “It’s okay, baby…I got you.”

Tommy was sobbing so hard, he literally had to catch his breath before speaking. “I’m…I’m…s-sorry.”

“Shhh….it’s okay now…I got you,” he said, holding Tommy tightly. Adam waited until he calmed down a little before he started moving them towards the Waverunner. “If I would’ve known how much it terrifies you, I wouldn’t have dumped us.”

Tommy lifted his head off Adam’s shoulder. “You dumped us on purpose?”

He half-smiled at Tommy, shrugging. “Well…”

“I can’t believe you…I told you how I felt about the sharks!”

Adam put his fingers to Tommy’s lips. “I know…I’m sorry, okay?”

Without warning, Adam’s lips crashed down on Tommy’s and he kissed Tommy hungrily. His tongue gained access without any coaxing needed. Tommy wanted to kiss him.

Fuck…how Tommy wanted to kiss him.  
And shit…it was so wrong.

Running his hands through Adam’s wet hair, Tommy pressed his body closer. When Adam pulled away slightly to grab hold of the Waverunner, he smiled at Tommy. “Did I succeed in taking your mind off the sharks?”

Tommy’s eyes grew large. “Get me out of here NOW!”

Adam helped Tommy on the Waverunner and then tried to climb on himself. It took him six attempts to finally manage to get on without dumping the machine again and once he was on, he sat behind Tommy, breathing heavily.

“Aren’t you going to drive?” Tommy asked.

Adam laughed, while trying to catch his breath. “You actually want me to try and maneuver my way in front of you? We’ll dump for sure.”

“I’ll drive,” Tommy stated matter-of-factly.

Adam pointed towards shore. “It’s that way.”

The entire way back, they went a whole five miles per hour. Tommy was being overly cautious and Adam had a hard time trying to hold his laughter back.

“Stop it! I’m not going any faster.”

Adam’s arms tightened their grip and leaned forward, “It’s okay, kitten…I’ve got all the time in the world.” Clearing his throat, he whispered in Tommy’s ear, “But if you don’t at least go a little faster, we could possibly dump again.”

“I’ll take my chances, thank you very much.”

When they finally reached the shore – an hour and a half later – Tommy was exhausted. Getting off the Waverunner, he immediately fell to the sand and kissed the ground repeatedly.

Adam busted out laughing. “Aren’t you cute?”

He fell down and rolled over. Tommy was lying completely on his back and looking up at Adam. “Go ahead and laugh all you want…but you scared the living shit out of me back there…I’ll probably never be the same because of it either.”

Adam dropped to the ground and cupped his lips with his hand. “I’m sorry…can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

“I don’t think so…at least, not any time soon.”

Adam got up and pulled Tommy up by his hand. “Take off the lifejacket. I gotta get this thing back. They’ll probably keep my deposit as it is now…I’m already late.”

Tommy took the lifejacket off and threw it at Adam; “Well…you only got yourself to blame for that one!”

Adam shot him a look and proceeded to jump back on. “Hey…you gonna head out for dinner tonight or are you planning on locking yourself in your room again?”

Tommy turned around and placed his hands on his hips. “Is that your way of asking me to dinner, mister?”

“Maybe.”

“Pick me up in an hour.”

**********

The hour passed quickly as Tommy rushed to get ready. He wanted to try and at least look presentable. As fast as he could, he jumped in the shower and got dressed, putting his make-up on haphazardly. He didn’t have time to fuss with make-up details, he was still undecided about his outfit.

After changing four different times, he settled on his tight black t-shirt and his new black jeans. It really wasn't fancy, but it was definitely dressier than what he had been wearing. And almost just as tight as the shirts that he'd been wearing.

Working with only the time he had remaining, he quickly dried his bangs and decided to let the rest of his hair dry naturally. That usually wasn't something he liked to do, but time was  a tickin'.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he sighed. He didn’t look any different…but he sure did feel different. He walked out into the bedroom and glanced over at the clock. Time was up. He headed to the door and swung it open to find Adam standing there with his fist in the air. “Perfect timing.”

Adam eyed him up and down and Tommy felt himself blush under his stare. “Wow...I take it you want to hit _The Islander_ tonight?”

“Yeah,” Tommy smiled. “I figured you could spring for a nice dinner tonight…considering the hell you put me through today.”

Adam looked down at his clothes, shrugging. “Then I guess I’d better go back and change…I don’t want you to get all the attention tonight.”

Tommy’s gaze traveled the entire length of his body. “Yeah…I guess you’d better.”

Walking over to his room, Adam turned back. “You coming or not?”

Tommy couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to. After their kiss in the water, he wasn’t sure it was such a good idea. What was going on with that anyway? Tommy looked at Adam’s face and wondered whether or not he even knew what was going on.

“I’ll wait for you here,” he replied, trying to decide whether or not he should ask Adam about the kiss. Watching Adam turn around, his gaze dropped. Maybe it was best left unanswered.

**********

During the entire dinner, Tommy found it difficult to keep his eyes off Adam. Adam was wearing a gorgeous black suit with a black shirt underneath.

Tommy could tell that Adam had been staring at him a lot too, but he didn’t let on. There was something definitely going on there between them…only he wasn’t sure exactly what it was. After all, they were friends and shared a long history of being friends.

Once they finished dinner, Adam ordered them drinks and they both sat back and relaxed. Reaching for his pocket, Tommy pulled out a cigarette.

Adam grabbed his lighter and held it to Tommy’s mouth. “Allow me.”

Tommy lit his cigarette and then exhaled. “You mean you aren’t gonna lecture me?”

Adam shook his head, shrugging while he placed the lighter down on the table. “Would it help if I did?”

“No.”

“Then no…I don’t feel like lecturing you tonight anyway,” he said, leaning back against his chair and bringing his eyes to Tommy’s. “You know they’re not good for you. You know they’ll end up killing you in the long run. You know your clothes stink because of it. You know your teeth discolor from them. You know…”

Tommy held up his hand. “Okay… I’ve heard enough. Thanks for not lecturing me.”

He grinned from ear to ear. “You’re welcome.”

Tommy glanced around the room and noticed a couple of people dancing on the dance floor. It was something that the Williams’, or Anne more specifically, insisted that _The Islander_ have this year It didn’t matter that there was a nightclub for dancing. They, or rather she, thought the restaurant needed a dance floor too. Supposedly, people requested it. And so they produced it.

And from the looks of it, they, or rather she, was right. “Hmph…first time she was right about anything,” Tommy mumbled out loud.

“What’re you talking about?”

“Nothing,” he replied, turning his head back to Adam. He silently wondered whether Adam would dance with him or not. Should he ask?

“So…did you get a lot written over the last five days?”

 _Too late…as usual._ Tommy smiled as his thoughts were interrupted. “How’d you know what I was doing?”

Adam smiled. “Come on now…”

He laughed, followed by taking a long drag of his cigarette. “Actually no…I didn’t. I just can’t seem to find the perfect last song and it’s driving me absolutely crazy. All I need is the damn song and for some reason…I just can’t come up with it.”

Adam leaned forward and raised his eyebrows. “Could I hear them?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious,” he huffed, leaning back in his chair again. “I could hear them and maybe I could help you write the last song.” And then as an afterthought he added, “Don’t worry…I won’t insist that you list me as a co-writer or anything.”

Tommy shook his head. “I don’t know, Adam…”

“Ah…come on, Tommy…you aren’t embarrassed, are you?”

He shrugged. “Maybe just a little.”

“I won’t critique them…I just want to hear them.”

“But what if you don’t like them?”

“I just said I wouldn’t critique them,” he replied, lowering his head and smirking. “Please?”

Tommy smiled and exhaled his smoke directly into Adam’s face. “Oh okay…but you gotta promise not to laugh.”

Adam faked a cough and held up his fingers. “Scouts’ honor.”

“Fine…I’ll give them to you tonight. But I want them back before Anne gets here. I don’t want her to accidentally stumble across them or anything,” he said, putting his cigarette out.

Adam rolled his eyes at him. “Like that’s gonna happen…they’ll be in my room. I’m not planning on taking them to dinner with me.”

“You don’t know Anne…she just might snoop through your room.”

Adam smiled and then looked around Tommy.

“What’re you looking at?” he asked, noticing that Adam shifted in his seat.

Adam’s eyes were focused on someone or something behind him. “Ted’s here.” Adam got up and walked past Tommy. “Hey, Ted.”

Tommy glanced over his shoulder to see Ted standing on his tiptoes to give Adam a kiss on the cheek. “Hi.” He looked down at Tommy and smiled. “Hello.”

“Hi, Ted.”

Adam pulled a chair over from the empty table next to them. “Care to join us?”

Ted looked at Tommy. “Sure…if you don’t mind.”

Oh…Tommy minded alright, but he wasn’t about to admit that. “Not at all.”

Ted sat down and the conversation instantly turned to him. He was raving about his job and continuously rattled on about how much he loved working at the resort. It almost seemed like he was doing it solely for the purpose of Tommy’s ears.

And as far as Tommy was concerned, he’d heard enough. It was overkill and boring as all hell. And for the entire twenty minutes Ted rambled on, Tommy felt like he was listening in on a private conversation and it made him uncomfortable.

Ted finally turned to him. “So Tommy…when’s Amanda due in?”

“In a couple weeks.”

“Wow…that doesn’t leave much time before your wedding, does it?”

Tommy faked a smile. “Not really.”

“You must be excited.”

Another fake smile. “Yeah…very.”

“Personally, I can’t wait,” Ted gushed. “Anne asked me to sing a song during the ceremony and then again for your bridal waltz…it’ll be a first for me. I’ve never had the opportunity to sing at a wedding before.”

Tommy’s mouth dropped. “You’re singing?”

Ted nodded, smiling for only a minute before it faded. “Yeah…why? You didn’t know?”

Tommy shook his head. “No, I didn’t…just another little detail Anne forgot to mention, I’m sure.”

Ted suddenly looked uncomfortable. “I’ll be right back, guys…I just saw my boss over there and I needed to talk to him about having the night off tomorrow night.” He turned to Adam and stood up. “We’re still on for dinner tomorrow night, right?”

“Absolutely.”

Once Ted walked away, Adam leaned in closer to Tommy. His face looked concerned. “Anne asked him to sing at your wedding and didn’t talk to you about it first?”

“Looks that way, doesn’t it?” he spat back.

“Tommy, you need to put a stop to this now or else it’s only going to get worse.”

He shot Adam a look and blew out a breath from his nose. “Thank you…I’ll take that into consideration.”

Adam whispered, “What’s your problem? You were fine before Ted got here and then suddenly you clammed right up and now you’re snapping at me.” He cocked his head and lowered his lashes. “You act like you’re jealous or something.”

“Yeah…right.” Jealous? He tried to maintain his composure. Adam’s statement was hitting too close to home and it made Tommy nervous. “Why should I be jealous?”

“I don’t know,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and raising his eyebrows. “You tell me.”

“You two seem to be getting along pretty good,” Tommy spat, jerking his head Ted’s way. His voice was sarcastic and immediately he regretted it.

“I guess,” Adam shrugged, rubbing his forehead. “This is the most we’ve talked though.” He lowered his voice, rolling his eyes. “He can’t hold a conversation for shit…that’s for sure.”

Tommy turned serious, leaning into the table. “But he’s good in bed though, right?”

Adam glared at him. “What’d you just say?”

“You heard me.”

Adam’s voice dropped and his tone turned sarcastic. “I wouldn’t know whether or not he’s good in bed, Tommy. We haven’t fucked yet.”

Adam’s use of the word “fucked” surprised Tommy. It was why Adam probably used it and why Tommy was going to do his best to hide his surprise. “But you hope to be fucking soon, right?”

Adam pushed his chair back suddenly and stood up. “Okay…it’s time to go.” He grabbed Tommy’s arm and pulled him to his feet. Tommy could’ve pulled away easily, but decided not to fight the issue. Adam was right…it was time to go. He’d said enough.

Walking towards the door, Adam flagged Ted down. “We’re gonna head back now, Tommy’s a little tired. If I don’t see you during the day, I’ll give you a call in the afternoon so that we can decide on a time, okay?”

Ted smiled, leaned in and kissed him. This time it wasn’t on his cheek though, it was smack dab on his lips. “Okay.”

Tommy turned his head at the sight of them kissing and closed his eyes. He was then walked all the way back to his room.

Once they stopped in front of his door, he opened it and then turned around to close it, but Adam had placed his hand on the door, stopping it from closing all the way. “We need to talk.”

“I don’t feel like talking.”

He pushed his way in. “Too bad…we’re talking anyway.”

“Fine,” he huffed, heading into the living room, where he stood in front of the couch with his hands on his hips.

Adam closed the door and then walked into the living room. He remained on his feet while he stared at Tommy. “Okay…what’s going on with you? Are you still mad about the water?”

Tommy shook his head.

Adam reached out, grabbed Tommy’s hands and pulled him closer. “What is it then? Did you have a fight with Amanda?”

Closing his eyes, Tommy shook his head again.

Adam took his hand and lifted his chin up. “Is it me?”

Tommy opened his eyes and nodded. _Try and act like a grown-up, Tommy…_ He sucked in his breath when he saw Adam licking his lips and then cocking his head to the side. It looked like Adam was going to kiss him again.

He did.

Only this time, it wasn’t a hungry kiss. It was a soft, sweet little kiss then ended way too quickly in Tommy’s opinion.

“You want to talk about it?” he asked, stepping back a little.

Tommy stammered for words, “I can’t…can’t…keep kissing someone I’ve had a major crush on for two years and keep pretending that…that…it doesn’t mean…anything.”

Adam just kept staring at him.  
Adam was making him uncomfortable.

Tommy lowered his head again and willed himself to stay strong. “I’m sorry…but I can’t.”

When Adam still didn’t respond, Tommy lifted his head to see what he was doing.  
Adam was staring right back at him.

“Then maybe you need to stop pretending that it doesn’t mean anything,” Adam said softly.  
Adam was confusing him.  
Adam was making him nervous.  
Adam was leaning in for another kiss.

Again, their lips met but this time the kiss lingered. Adam’s lips were soft and his tongue rough. Grabbing Tommy’s hair, he gently pulled it; forcing Tommy’s head back he quickly began kissing his way down to Tommy’s neck.

Tommy could barely think straight, let alone talk. “Stop pretending?”

Adam kept right on kissing him until he reached his mouth again and when he did, he stopped for a moment and looked right into Tommy’s eyes. “It’s obvious you like me and I think you know that I like you, -”

Tommy interrupted him, “But I’m getting married, Adam.”

“I can’t help the way I feel, Tommy…can you?”

Tommy shook his head. “But we have to try…shit…I’m getting married,” he repeated, closing his eyes.

Adam gently removed his hold on Tommy and stepped back. “So…are you going to deny what you feel just because you think it’s wrong?”

Tommy’s voice was barely audible, “Yes…we don’t have a choice.”

Adam turned and walked away. And instantly, Tommy dropped his weight on the chair nearby. “You’re the one who thinks we don’t have a choice, Tommy,” he said, shutting the door behind him.

  



	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eighth album.

On the fourth day of Tommy’s seclusion, he finally opened the door to his room and took in the fresh air, filling his lungs. He was depressed and tired.  
   
When Adam left his room the night he’d told him how he felt, he slipped into a major state of depression and confusion. And the only way he knew how to deal with it was to shelter himself from it, resulting in seclusion. Once again, he locked himself in his room, refusing to even answer any phone calls. He needed to be alone and away from Adam.  
   
Despite his _Do Not Disturb_ sign hanging on the handle of his door, every morning Adam stopped and knocked. And every morning Tommy sat by the door and listened to Adam pleading with him to come out.  
   
For four full days, Tommy ignored him.  
Today, he had no choice but to finally come out of his hiding place.  
   
His future mother-in-law, Anne, called him first thing in the morning and insisted that they meet for lunch. She was anxious to go over the final details of the wedding and honeymoon.  
   
And when Tommy heard that, he just about had a nervous breakdown. As far as he knew, they were going on an Alaskan cruise...   Was it ever going to end?  
   
When Tommy called Amanda demanding to know whether or not she was aware that her mother was choosing their honeymoon location, she fell silent. He had his answer. She knew. Hell, she probably even suggested it in the first place. He couldn’t be sure of anything except the fact that she knew and she didn’t tell him.  
   
Amanda was the one who needed to grow a backbone…not him. Adam had the two of them confused.  
   
Closing the front door, Tommy turned around and walked down the stairs, but not before quickly glancing over at Adam’s door. The fresh air felt good entering his lungs and the spacious outdoors actually calmed his rattling nerves. Taking a deep cleansing breath, he stopped to look around once he hit the ground. It was a beautiful day…not a cloud in the sky. It wasn’t too hot and the breeze felt wonderful blowing against his skin.  
   
Tommy was determined not to let Anne ruin such a beautiful day.  
   
Walking down the path, he headed for Bayside. At least Anne let him have a say on where they would eat lunch. Wasn’t that nice of her?  
   
The beautiful day was about to come to a screeching halt.  
   
Tommy’s smile quickly faded when he caught of glimpse of Adam and Ted in the distance coming towards him. Adam had his arm around Ted and they were both laughing at something. Tears filled his eyes almost immediately. Why was he suddenly feeling this way? It never bothered him before to see Adam with someone. And most of the time he actually saw Adam, he was _always_ with someone. He was rarely without some man on his arm.  
   
Desperate for them not to see him, Tommy quickly turned to his left and began taking a different path. The last thing he wanted to do was to have to stop and talk to them. He didn’t want to spoil his good mood.  
   
“Hey, Tommy!” Ted shouted.  
   
Tommy closed his eyes and swore under his breath. He had been hoping that they wouldn't notice him. His hopes were squashed. He was pretty much positive that his good mood was about to spoiled.  
   
Dropping his head, he picked up his pace when he heard Ted shout again. “Tommy!”  
   
There was no way out of this.  
   
Tommy stopped, turned around and waved. “Hi guys!” Turning on his heels again to continue to his destination, he picked up his pace.  
   
“Wait up!”  
   
“Shit,” he mumbled under his breath, stopping in his tracks. This was not what he needed now. Lifting his head, he did his best to produce a smile as they walked up to him, now hand in hand.  
   
“What’s the rush?” Ted asked.  
   
“Oh…I’m meeting Anne for lunch,” he casually said, glancing at his watch. “And I can’t be late…what’s up?” Tommy looked up at Ted. He was doing his best to ignore Adam.  
   
“Where’ve you been hiding out?” Ted asked, looking over at Adam. “Adam rented a boat for the day yesterday and we looked all around for you so that you could join us.”  
   
“Oh,” Tommy replied, biting down on his bottom lip while trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. “Well, that was nice of you…I haven’t been feeling too good lately, so I was just hanging out in my room taking it easy.” He closed his eyes momentarily to hide the shame he felt for lying.  
   
Lying wasn’t something he enjoyed doing. And it wasn’t something he was very good at either. Even when he was a tyke, he fidgeted when he lied, always giving it away to whomever he lied to. And now was no different.  
   
When he opened his eyes, he looked directly at Adam. _Damn…he knows…_ He knew Adam knew he was lying just by the way Adam was looking at him.  
   
Tommy looked down at his watch again. “Listen, guys…I have to go…I’ll see you guys later.” Relieved, he sighed. He made it through without even having to say a word to Adam.  
   
“Hey…aren’t the restaurants that way?” Adam cleared his throat and then pointed down the same path that Ted and he were just on.  
   
Tommy stopped and followed his finger. “Yeah…but I wanted the exercise today.” Tommy smiled at him, but didn’t move.  
   
“Ted, why don’t you head back towards my place? I’ll catch up in a minute. I need to talk to Tommy about something.”  
   
“Okay, sweetie.”  
   
 _Shit…_ Willing his feet to start moving, Tommy scrunched up his face at the sound of their lips smacking. It seemed like the sound was magnified just so that he could hear and he wanted nothing more than to plug his ears to block it out.  
   
It was a horrible, gut-wrenching sound.  
   
Finally giving up on his feet, Tommy waited for Adam to come to him. He wasn’t about to turn around and go to him. If Adam wanted to say something, he should be the one to make the first move.  
   
Walking up behind him, Tommy could feel Adam getting closer and he knew exactly when Adam was directly on his heels. Tommy couldn’t see Adam’s shadow, he couldn’t see his body and he couldn’t see his feet…but he knew.  
   
“Tommy?”  
   
“Yeah.”  
   
Adam placed his hands on Tommy’s shoulders and leaned forward to whisper, “Are you feeling better?”  
   
Tommy closed his eyes; he knew Adam knew he lied about not feeling well. Was this Adam’s way of testing him or teasing him?  
   
“Yes, much better, thank you.”  
   
He felt Adam’s breath against his neck. “Did you finish your song?”  
   
Tommy smiled; Adam really did know him all too well. “No.”  
   
“Are you still going to let me listen to it?”  
   
Adam’s body was getting closer to Tommy’s and Tommy was having a hard time concentrating on what Adam was saying. “Yes.”  
   
“You sure?”  
   
“Yes,” he whispered.  
   
Adam’s voice dropped a notch. “Good…I’ll pick it up tonight…say around ten?”  
   
“Fine.”  
   
His hands fell from Tommy’s shoulders as he walked away.  
   
Once Tommy was certain that Adam wasn’t near, he took a deep breath and gasped for air. This fresh air wasn’t doing him much good after all. He should’ve just invited Anne to come for lunch in his room.  
   
**********  
   
When Tommy finally stumbled into Bayside, he could see Anne glancing at her watch. He whispered a couple of profanities under his breath, put on his best smile and walked up behind his soon to be mother-in-law, gently tapping her on the shoulder. “Sorry I’m late…I just ran into Adam and he said to say hello to you.”  
   
Another lie…but one necessary in order to keep the peace.  
   
“Oh…that dear boy…always putting on the charm, isn’t he?” Anne asked, shaking her head.  
   
Tommy kissed Anne on the cheek and took a seat across from her. “You know Adam.”  
   
Anne let out a little laugh. “That I do.” Clearing her throat, she leaned on the table and lowered her voice. “I heard he’s been charming Ted too.”  
   
Tommy tried to hide his surprise. How did she know these things? She just landed on the island a little over two hours ago and already she knew the scoop. What else did this lady know?  
   
Anne winked. “It’s the hottest gossip, dear…surely you knew about it.”  
   
Tommy managed a little smile. “I’ve seen them around but I don’t…”  
   
Anne interrupted him, “I do wish that boy would settle down and plant his feet on solid ground. You would think at his age, he’d be thinking about marriage and not sex.”  
   
Tommy listened to her in disbelief. “Anne, I don’t think Adam only looks for sex. However, that’s not to say that most of the men are willing to give it to him because of who he is,” he trailed, shrugging. “But I doubt that sex plays that big a role.”  
   
“Oh nonsense, dear, you know Adam better than most. You’ve seen the men he’s been with…they’re all drop-dead gorgeous,” Anne acknowledged, rubbing her chin slightly. “Not really husband material in my opinion.”  
   
“I wouldn’t say they're not husband material…”  
   
“Well, I would,” Anne interjected.  
   
Tommy cleared his throat, shrugging. “It’s obvious why he attracts all the drop-dead gorgeous men,” he paused for a moment and then stated matter-of-factly, “ _He’s_ drop-dead gorgeous.”  
   
“Well…I’m just saying that he needs to start thinking with his head,” she lowered her voice and her eyes. “And not with what’s in his pants.”  
   
Tommy had to hold his laughter in. He’d never heard Anne make mention of a penis before. Never. “He just has to be careful, that’s all…being a star doesn’t make looking for a husband who wants him for himself any easier, I’m sure.”  
   
Anne waved her hands in the air. “Enough talk about him…let’s talk flowers, dear.”  
   
Tommy’s head immediately started pounding, along with his heart. “The flowers? I think Amanda said they’ve already been ordered.”  
   
“Yes.” Anne cocked her head slightly and frowned. “That’s what we need to talk about. I took the liberty and changed the order a little.” She put her hand on Tommy’s. “I knew you and Amanda wouldn’t mind dear.”  
   
 _Took the liberty?  
Wouldn’t mind? _  
   
Tommy’s mind was reeling. “What did you change?”  
   
“Not too much,” Anne said, pulling a notebook out of her briefcase and opening it up. “Let’s see…the table arrangements weren’t quite big enough, so I told the florist to add another tier along with a dozen more peach roses to accent it.”  
   
 _Peach?_  
   
“Then I had her add five more arrangements to the head table.” Anne looked up from her notebook and nodded. “The table’s so big, dear…so I really think it needed more.”  
   
 _More?_  
   
“The bridesmaid’s bouquets weren’t exactly what I had in mind so I told her to tweak them a bit too.”  
   
 _Tweak?_  
   
“And well…” Anne trailed, shaking her head in a disapproving way. “The men’s boutonnieres were a little on the plain side if you ask me, so I………”  
   
 _Who asked you?_  
   
Much to Tommy’s horror, Anne continued on. “And then there’s your suit…….”  
   
Okay, that did it. No one, but no one was going to mess with his suit. “I love my suit.”  
   
Anne gently rubbed her hand over the top of Tommy’s hand. “Of course you do dear, but it was almost drab looking, so I asked the tailor to change it up a bit.” She closed the notebook and smiled. “Really, dear…I don’t know what you were thinking when you ordered that suit.” Patting his hand, she cocked her head to the side. “So…what’d you think?”  
   
 _What do I think?  
You’re asking me NOW?  
I hate it.  
You ruined all the flowers, every single last one of them…you ruined them all.  
This is our wedding…  
At least, it was our wedding..._  
   
For fear of lashing out, Tommy simply forced his lips to form a smile. “It sounds fine, Anne.”  
   
 _Oh fuck…Adam was right…I do need a backbone…_  
   
Anne patted his hand one last time before removing it. “Good…everything is set then, dear. The wedding coordinator should be here sometime at the end of next week.”  
   
Tommy’s head jerked back. “Next week? There’s still five and a half weeks left until the wedding. Why does she have to be here a whole month early?”  
   
Instantly, he could tell that he’d hit a nerve by the way Anne looked at him. “Dear…this is a _huge_ event and a huge event takes a lot of _time_ and _money_.”  
   
He lowered his head. “I know.”  
   
Anne reached over and placed his hand on Tommy’s chin, lifting it up. “Good. Now, the honeymoon has been booked and Mr. Barlow and I have decided to keep it a surprise for you two…so, all we can say is pack your sun block, bathing suit and sandals.”  
   
 _Oh Yippee…we’re going to be honeymooning here!_  
   
Anne frowned. “You don’t look too happy, dear…is something wrong?”  
   
“No,” he lied. Couldn’t she tell what was wrong? Was she that ignorant or really that fucking blind?  
   
Tommy looked over to his side and noticed Adam and Ted walking in. Instantly, his heart dropped when he noticed them holding hands. He needed oxygen.  
   
Anne leaned in. “What is it, dear? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”  
   
 _Close._  
   
Anne turned around and saw Adam just about to sit down. “Adam, darling!” She jumped out of her seat and walked over to him. Placing her arms around him, Adam leaned down and planted a kiss on her cheek.  
   
“Hi, Anne.”  
   
“Well…it’s so good to see you,” she said, pulling back and checking him over. “You’re looking good…I guess Amanda was right about needing a vacation to relax. It looks like it’s doing the trick.” Anne looked over at Ted and smiled. “Hello, Ted.”  
   
“Hi, Mrs. Barlow.”  
   
She looked back at Adam and cocked her head. “Listen…I didn’t say anything to Tommy about it…but next week he has a fitting with the tailor for his suit. I would love it if you could come with us…we need a fashion expert’s opinion.”  
   
Adam smiled, looking around Anne’s shoulder to see Tommy. “You’d better check with Tommy first.”  
   
“Oh, don’t worry about him,” she replied, waving her hand. “He won’t mind.” Anne looked over at Ted again, before walking away. “Nice to see you, Ted.”  
   
“You too, Mrs. Barlow.”  
   
When Anne returned to her seat, Tommy forced himself to remain calm. “What’s this about the fitting?”  
   
“You heard me?”  
   
“Yes…most of it.” Tommy’s shoulders slumped. “I thought I was going back home for my last fitting. I’ve already got the date scheduled and my brother-in-law took the time off work.”  
   
Anne waved him off. “That’s too much bother, dear…I’m flying the tailor and your suit here so you can tell your brother-in-law not to bother wasting a vacation day.”  
   
Tommy frowned and let out a whimper. “He didn’t consider it to be a waste.” He glanced over at Adam’s table and was surprised to see him staring right back at him. It was awkward for a few moments but quickly eased when he noticed Adam taking his fingers and pressing his lips into a smile.  
   
He got the hint.  
   
“So when is Amanda arriving on the Island?”  
   
Tommy faked a smile and looked at Adam. Adam winked at him. “Two weeks from Friday.”  
   
“Ah yes…then the guys are flying out that same night for the bachelor party weekend, right?”  
   
“Yeah…something like that.” He pointed over to Adam, giving a little nod. “Adam’s the one who planned the whole weekend, he’d probably know.”  
   
Anne stood up and grabbed her briefcase. Putting her notebook back inside, she zipped it closed and walked over to Tommy, giving him a quick peck on the cheek. “Okay then, dear. I’ll talk to Adam next week about it. Have a nice day.”  
   
“Didn’t you want to eat?”  
   
“Not here,” Anne replied. “I’m going to head over to The Islander for lunch.”  
   
 _Figures..._ “Oh, all right then.”  
   
"I'm so glad we agreed on everything. I do think it was a much needed improvement."  
   
 _We agreed?_ Tommy waited until Anne walked out the doors before letting his head fall flat on the table.  
   
His good mood was gone.  
His beautiful day was ruined.  
   
**********  
   
Pacing the floor, Tommy tried to calm himself down. But it was no use… Picking up the phone, he dialed Isaac’s number just barely able to hold himself together. And as soon as Isaac said “hello”, the tears started flowing.  
   
For over an hour, Isaac listened while his friend laughed, cried and rambled on about the wedding.  
   
“Buddy…do you want me there earlier?”  
   
Tommy sighed, his shoulders slumping. “I don’t think it’ll do much good, man. But if you want to, I won’t stop you.”  
   
Isaac laughed. “Okay then…I’ll make arrangements to come out there for two weeks instead of one…does that sound good?”  
   
“Yeah, buddy…thanks.”  
   
“Dude…don’t worry about anything. Okay?”  
   
Tommy’s voice lowered. “Okay.” He jumped when he heard the thunder crack outside. “Yikes!”  
   
“Was that thunder?”  
   
“Yeah…you could hear that?” Tommy walked over to the balcony and shut the sliding door. “Shit, can you hear that too? It’s raining buckets out there.”  
   
“It sounds like a doozy…are you in for the night?”  
   
“Yeah…it’s late and I’m tired. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep or not though. I’ve got too much on my mind these days.”  
   
Isaac sighed. “Okay, Tommy…try and get some rest. I’ll call you in a couple of days. Hang in there, boy.”  
   
“I will, Isaac.”  
   
“I love you, dude.”  
   
“I love you too. Bye.” Tommy hung up the phone and made his way into his bedroom. What he desperately needed was a good night’s sleep. Or a mother-in-law who would butt out and do nothing more than merely show up at the scheduled time for the ceremony. “Fat chance,” he mumbled, removing his clothes and throwing on a pair of sweatpants and a tank. It was the most comfortable outfit he owned and the one that Amanda hated the most.  
   
He’d just lain down in bed when he heard someone pounding on the door. “Oh for crying out loud, Anne. There's nothing left to change,” he mumbled, sprinting to the door. Opening it, he stared at the sight before him before finally giving in to his laughter.  
   
Adam was drenched to the bone.  
Adam looked drop-dead gorgeous drenched to the bone.  
   
“Stop laughing at me and invite me in.”  
   
“Sorry.” He opened the door completely and pulled Adam in. “To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you soaked to the bone?”  
   
Adam shook his head and ran his hand over his forehead, wiping away the drenched locks. “You mean, I ran all the way here from the club, in the pouring rain, and you don’t know what in hell I’m doing here?”  
   
Tommy shook his head.  
   
“What time is it?”  
   
Tommy looked back at the clock. “Five after ten.”  
   
“That’s right…it’s ten,” he said, using his shirt to dry off his face. “Shit…it’s useless, I’m going to need a towel.”  
   
Tommy thought long and hard for a moment, trying his best to ignore Adam’s abdomen that was staring right back at him. “Oh yeah…you want to hear my songs.”  
   
Adam mocked him, “Oh yeah…I want to hear your songs.”  
   
Tommy shot him a dirty look. “I’ve had a really _really_ bad day…don’t mess with me.”  
   
When Tommy turned around, he felt Adam’s hand on his shoulder. “You need a shoulder to cry on?”  
   
 _Yeah…_ “I’m not a girl, man,” he huffed, walking into the bedroom. Moments later, he came out carrying his laptop and his flash drive. When he handed the items to Adam, he pointed his finger in Adam’s chest. “Remember…no critiquing.”  
   
Adam smiled and dropped his gaze. “Nice outfit…is that _Anne approved_?”  
   
Tommy jokingly punched him in the gut. “Fuck off.”  
   
Adam’s eyes traveled down again. “Looks comfortable.”  
   
“It is.”  
   
His eyes traveled back up again. “Looks cozy.”  
   
“It’s that too,” Tommy acknowledged.  
   
“Looks dry.”  
   
“It….” Tommy started to laugh when he realized what Adam was getting at. “Do you want to borrow a robe or something? I’d offer you another pair of sweats, but I don’t think you’d fit into them.”  
   
Adam laughed. “Nah…it’s okay. I’m going to run back to my room and put some sweats on myself…I’ll be back in a few.” He turned to leave and then stopped when Tommy called him. “Yeah?”  
   
“I was actually just heading to bed.”  
   
Adam looked up and jerked his head towards the skylights. “But it’s raining on your skylights and you told me that I could listen with you sometime…remember?”  
   
Tommy smiled. He knew that Adam was looking for any excuse to stay. He knew Tommy needed someone to talk to and he knew he was just that right person. “Yeah…I remember. Hurry back.”  
   
Adam was definitely someone who cared.  
He was a good friend.  
Maybe even his best friend.  
And he was determined not to change that.  
   
Tommy had just sat down on floor and leaned against the couch when Adam walked back into his room. “I’m singing in the rain…just singing in the rain…” He slammed the door shut. “Now I’m going to…listen to the rain…just listen to the rain…”  
   
The sound of his voice brought a smile to Tommy’s face.  
He loved hearing Adam sing.  
He loved hearing Adam.  
And no matter how much he loved everything about Adam, they could not and would not ever be anything more than just friends.  
   
Adam sat down next to him on the floor and put his arm around Tommy. Neither one said a word as they sat there, just listening to the sound of the rain.  
   
And then Tommy gave in.  
   
Resting his head on Adam’s shoulder, Tommy finally started to relax. It felt good to be in his arms. It felt good to have a friend like Adam. And that’s what he was…a good friend.  
   
His own thoughts started to rattle him. Who was he trying to convince? Himself? It sure sounded like that’s who he was trying to convince, but what was the point of doing that? Tommy already knew that Adam was a friend and nothing more.  
   
Letting out a deep breath, he sighed loudly. “She changed all our plans…every single last one of them…”  
   
Adam slowly rested his head on Tommy’s. “In the grand scheme of things, Tommy…wedding plans aren’t really all that important. What’s important is the commitment and the vow that you’re…..”  
   
Tommy interrupted him, “I know that, Adam…but it doesn’t change the fact that she changed our plans and Amanda won’t even do anything about it.”  
   
“I take it you already talked to her about it?”  
   
Tommy nodded.  
   
Adam brought his free arm around and embraced Tommy. “Do you think it would help if I talked to her?”  
   
Tommy shook his head.  
   
“Are you sure?”  
   
Tommy lifted his head and looked right into Adam’s eyes. “Yes, I’m sure. You can’t talk to her. It’ll just make things worse.” He put his head to Adam’s shoulder again, “Thank you for offering though.”  
   
“Shhhh…….just listen,” he whispered.  
   
The rain sounded loud against the skylights. Just the way Tommy liked it. That sound could actually lull him to sleep. “Do you have to get going?”  
   
“No,” Adam whispered, resting his head on Tommy’s again.  
   
“Will you stay with me for a while?”  
   
“For as long as you want, Tommy.”  
   
**********  
   
When Tommy woke up the next morning, he let his head fall to the side. He was lying on the floor completely covered up with blankets and his head was resting on a pillow. Flipping his head over to the other side, he noticed Adam all sprawled out next to him with the same blanket covering him.  
   
Lifting the blanket carefully, he glanced down. _Oh shit…he’s hard!_  
   
Tommy let go of the blanket quickly and covered his eyes with his hands. With one hand, he slowly pulled the blanket up again, and peeked through his fingers on the one hand that remained covering his eyes. _Oh shit…he’s huge!!_  
   
The phone ringing caused him to jump and drop the blanket. _Goddamn it!_  
   
He got up slowly and made his way to his cell phone that was sitting on the end table. “Hello,” he whispered, being careful not to disturb Adam.  
   
“Hey, honey…it’s me.”  
   
Tommy walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed. “Hi, honey.”  
   
“Miss me yet?”  
   
He paused momentarily and thought about Adam lying on the floor just outside his bedroom door. “Of course.”  
   
“How’s everything going?”  
   
He took a deep breath and blew it out. “I think you pretty much know.”  
   
“Now, honey…I told you that’ll I talk to my mother just as soon as I get to the Island.”  
   
“I’ve heard that before.”  
   
Amanda sounded aggravated with his flippant attitude. Shouldn’t she be the one who was angry? It was her wedding too.  Wasn’t the perfect wedding day every girl’s dream?  
   
“I mean it this time. She needs to butt out and I’m going to tell her just that. I promise, handsome. Just give me some time to work it out with her.”  
   
“You said the same thing two years ago.”  
   
Her voice grew louder, “Goddamn it, Tommy…I said I promise, okay?”  
   
“Calm down…Why are you yelling at me?” he huffed, taking a seat on the edge of his bed. “You should be yelling at your mother.” Tommy rubbed his forehead with his hand before covering his eyes. “And why haven't you said anything to your mother about our honeymoon yet? We decided, _together_ , that we were going to go on that Alaskan cruise we’ve been talking about for the past year.”  
   
“We are,” Amanda stated matter-of-factly.  
   
“Yeah...when?"  
   
“Oh Christ, Tommy…just let her do what she wants to do…it makes her happy, okay?” she moaned. “God…we’ll go on that Alaskan cruise another time. Is it really that big of a deal to you?”  
   
Tommy was so upset by this point that he was seeing red. “Yes, it is that big of a deal. Why does she have to run everything in our lives? You know how much I was looking forward to that cruise.”  
   
“I can’t talk about this now. We’ll deal with it when I get there.”  
   
That was always Amanda’s response to everything. She’d deal with anything and everything later.  
   
“Okay…I have to run. I’ll call you later.”  
   
 “Yeah…okay.”  
   
When he hung up the phone, he opened her eyes and noticed two bare feet on the floor. Then, he felt Adam’s hand on his shoulder. Lifting his head, he wrapped his arms around Adam’s waist and pressed his head to Adam’s stomach, his eyes only inches away from Adam’s previously erect penis.  
   
He took note of that immediately.  
   
“Is everything okay?” Adam asked gently.  
   
“How long have you been standing there?”  
   
Adam’s body shifted in between Tommy’s legs; his hands moving to Tommy’s head. “Pretty much the whole time.”  
   
“So you heard and saw everything?” he asked, slightly cringing.  
   
 “Pretty much.”  
   
Tommy looked up at him; the sadness apparent in his eyes. “She promised me that she’s going to talk to her…she promised.”  
   
“I know.” He crouched down, resting his body on his knees. Looking Tommy straight in the eye, he asked, “Do you think she’s going to follow through?”  
   
Tommy shrugged his shoulders, looking back into his eyes. He knew Adam was concerned, his eyes said it all. “Time will tell.”  
   
“Tommy…I know you don’t want to hear this, but I really…”  
   
He stood up quickly and cut him off. “Please don’t start…she’ll come through this time.” Walking over to the closet, he threw the doors open and immediately started rummaging through, pulling out a t-shirt and jeans and throwing them on the bed. “Do you want to head over for breakfast?”  
   
Adam shook his head and stood up, watching Tommy’s every move. “No…I need to go back to my room and get some sleep…on a _bed_.”  
   
Tommy could feel himself blushing from the intensity of Adam’s stare. “Oh…thanks for staying all night…I actually did get some sleep last night. First night in a long time.”  
   
“Don’t mention it.” Adam turned to leave and then stopped in the doorway, turning around, his arms folded against his chest. “Hey…and by the way…were you trying to sneak a peek earlier?”  
   
Startled by his question, Tommy froze. Thank God he had his back to Adam or else he’d know the answer to that right away by the look on Tommy’s face. No doubt about it.  
   
“Well?”  
   
Tommy started laughing.  
   
“That’s what I thought.” Adam walked up to him and snaked his arms around Tommy’s waist, whispering in his ear. “You don’t have to sneak, Tommy…All you have to do is ask.”  
   
Tommy’s laughter faded quickly.  
   
“Remember that,” he whispered, placing a kiss on Tommy’s cheek. Adam let go of him and started to walk away again.  
   
This time, Tommy stopped him by grabbing Adam’s wrist with his hand. “You’d show me if I asked?”  
   
Adam turned around, shrugging his shoulders while he smiled. “Sure…why not?”  
   
Adam let go of his wrist and walked over to the bed. Picking up a pillow, he flicked it at Adam. “I can’t believe you!”  
   
Adam caught the pillow just before it hit him in the head. “What can I say? I’m pretty proud of the little guy.”  
   
“Oh my God…you didn’t just say that!”  
   
“Oh yes I did.” He reached down and grabbed the waistband of his sweats. “Do you want to see?”  
   
 _Yeah…_ Tommy closed his eyes and covered them with his hands. “I’ve seen it before.”  
   
“Oh, come on, Tommy,” Adam smirked. “That was a long time ago…it’s grown since then.”  
   
“I noticed,” Tommy mumbled, peeking through the slits of his fingers. “And no, I don’t want to see my best friend’s penis…now get out of here!”  
   
“It didn’t bother you the first time.”  
   
Tommy removed his hands and cocked his head, pursing his lips. “You weren’t my best friend then…there’s a big difference.”  
   
Adam frowned, quickly turning around. “Being best friends is great…but ultimately it’s not what I want. And if you think for one second that what _I_ want and what _you_ want are two different things…you’re fooling yourself,” he mumbled before walking out the door.  
   
**********  
   
The next week flew by for Adam. He pretty much kept himself busy, hanging out with Ted and relaxing whenever he could. Sadly, he didn’t see much of Tommy. He was in over-drive mode with the wedding plans. And whenever they did happen to pass each other, Tommy didn’t have much time to talk other than to say hello.  
   
The last time he’d seen Tommy though, Adam specifically pulled him aside and told him that he wanted to sit down and talk about Tommy’s songs. Tommy agreed, however reluctantly it was, that they could meet that night after dinner, down by the pool.  
   
Glancing at his watch, he swore under his breath. Tommy was supposed to be there over an hour ago and there was still no sign of him.  
   
He had Tommy’s laptop sitting on his lap with his fingers busily drumming along on the cover. He was uptight and for the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why.  
   
Tommy’s songs were wonderful. He promised Tommy he wouldn’t critique it…but damn, it was good music. He found himself relating a lot to most of the songs.  
   
At first, it startled Adam a bit. It was almost as if Tommy was writing about Adam’s emotions. But as he went through _Silent Cries, Mighty Echoes_ it started actually being about Tommy. Or did it? Adam really wasn’t quite sure.  
   
Adam definitely had a suggestion for the last song…now, if only Tommy’d show up so Adam could share it with him, he’d be all set. Looking down at his fingers, he drummed louder.  
   
“Sorry I’m late.” Tommy breezed past him and sat down beside him on the empty lounge chair. His head tilted back, stretching to each side. “Anne has me running in circles…remind me to never marry a Barlow again, please.”  
   
Adam laughed, eyeing Tommy’s neck. “No problem. What’s she changing on you now?”  
   
Tommy glanced over at him, letting a loud moan escape from his throat. “Oh, not too much…just the seating arrangements this time.”  
   
“Can’t that woman just mind her own business for half a sec or what?”  
   
Tommy shook his head. “Nope…she can’t.” He glanced down at his laptop. “So…do you have any ideas for the last song?”  
   
Adam looked down and then back at him, letting out a grunt. “Don’t you want to know what I thought first?”  
   
“No, I don’t.” Tommy shook his head diligently. “You told me you weren’t going to critique it remember?”  
   
Adam smiled at him, shrugging. “Fine,” he said, leaning in closer to Tommy. “But it’s a fantastic album, Tommy, it really is. And the sexy songs?” Adam’s eyebrows shot way up. “Wow…they even had _me_ all hot and bothered.”  
   
Even in the darkness he could tell that Tommy was blushing.  
   
“Thanks,” he said quietly.  
   
“Where’d you come up with some of those ideas anyway?” He hit Tommy on the arm and laughed. “And to think you were unsure of yourself when it comes to writing good songs.” Adam glanced at him. “From the looks of it, you and Amanda must have quite the relationship going on.”  
   
Tommy’s head dropped. “Oh fuck…that is so not true.” He raised his head. “I mean…about the unsure thing.”  
   
Adam wondered whether or not Tommy was telling the truth. He was pretty sure that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t be positive. Adam sat there, watching Tommy stare off into the darkness in front of him. He couldn’t help but become serious now. He loved this man sitting in front of him. True, he was definitely one of his best friends, but he wanted more.  
   
Couldn’t Tommy see that what he was writing about in some of the songs was actually happening to them in a roundabout way? Tommy had written a song about a boy falling in love with his best friend.  
   
Coincidence? Adam didn’t think so.  
   
“Okay,” he said, drumming again on the cover of the laptop. “You know what I find so sad about that last song of yours?”  
   
Tommy looked over at Adam’s hand, watching his fingers move. “What?”  
   
“That it is about two people who are _so_ right for each other,” Adam trailed, waiting for Tommy to look at him, “and yet they have such a difficult time admitting that.”  
   
Tommy never said a word. He just met Adam’s stare head-on.  
   
Adam got up from his chair and handed Tommy the laptop. “I think what you need to do is write a song about someone admitting his feelings to their beloved…I think that’s what your album need to be complete. I think that’s what you need to do.”  
   
Tommy looked up at Adam standing before him.  
   
“I’m not any good at writing those sorts of songs, Adam…what I’m good at is writing dark songs.”  
   
Adam crouched down in front of him and smiled. “I can help you with that.”  
   
“Yeah…right,” he said sharply.  
   
“I’m serious,” Adam said while standing up straight. “I’d be honored, actually.”  
   
“Are you sure?” Tommy looked down at his laptop and then back at Adam again.  
   
Adam shook his head. “Of course I’m sure, you adorable bozo. I actually took the liberty of writing down something for you. Take a look at it tonight and let me know what you think.” Slowly, he turned around and walked away. “Goodnight, Tommy.”  
  



	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.

By the time Tommy made it back to his room, he was an emotional wreck. Not only was he shaking from limb to limb, he was hyperventilating as well. His mind was replaying Adam’s words over and over again, at a tantalizingly slow speed. W _hat you need to do is write a song about someone admitting his feelings to their beloved... I think that’s what you need to do…. I think that’s what you need to do…_.  
   
Throwing himself down on the bed, he buried his face in the pillow. How could he have been so stupid? Giving Adam a copy of his work was probably the most asinine thing he’d ever done…besides letting himself fall for him. What was he thinking?  
   
There was no way he could write a song like that. It just was not him. That type of song would not in any way, shape or form match the rest of the album. No possible way. He had never been in that type of situation before to be able to actually transform the overwhelming feelings of someone admitting his feelings to their beloved into a song. Wait a minute…if what Adam said about the theme of the album and the last song was true, did that mean he had actually been feeling that way for a while now without even realizing it? But how could that be possible? He’d started working on those songs long before his engagement party, long before his scheduled trip to the Island, long before he had any type of feelings for Adam whatsoever.  
   
Okay...maybe that wasn't entirely true since he was pretty sure his harbored crush on Adam went way back. But this album was supposed to be about his life…his life with Amanda. It was supposed to be about Amanda and Tommy…Amanda and Tommy. Not Adam and Tommy.  
   
Lifting his head from the pillow quickly, he moaned out loud. “Oh shit,” he mumbled rather loudly. “This album, that last song _is_ about us.”  
   
Where did the music stop and where did the reality set in? Or better yet, _when_ did the reality set in?  
   
**********  
   
Reba looked over at Adam and shook her head. “Tommy, would you please stop fidgeting and get out here? I only have thirty minutes before our employee meeting,” she yelled towards the dressing room.  
   
Tommy yelled back from behind the closed doors. “In a minute!”  
   
Reba frowned, glancing at her watch. “It’s just a fitting, dear. Now hurry up, Adam and I don’t have all day. As it is, he probably doesn’t want to be here anyway.”  
   
“I’m in no rush, Reba, really.”  
   
“Well, don’t let him hear you say that or we could very well be here all day.”  
   
When Tommy walked out from behind the doors, all eyes immediately focused on him. He looked like a prince. There were no other words to describe him. Adam stood there in awe as he stared at the most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his entire life.  
   
And he was about to marry someone else.  
One of his closest friends.  
   
“Well…don’t just stand there…say something.” Tommy poked Adam in the stomach and smiled. He stepped up onto the platforms, trying to take a look at the back of his tux.  
   
“Wow.”  
   
Tommy turned around, giving Adam a lop-sided grin. “That’s all you can say?” He ran his hand through the fabric of the tux. “I feel like a freak.”  
   
“You look absolutely handsome, dear. Now come here a minute.” Reba motioned for him to come closer. “Albert, don’t you think that maybe you should remove the rhinestones attached to the collar? Plus I think the pants need to be loosened a little? They’re too tight.” Her hands pointed at the area in question as she turned to Adam. “Don’t you think it’s too flashy, Adam?”  
   
Adam couldn’t speak.  
He was desperately trying to find his voice but was finding it virtually impossible.  
Not only did Tommy take his breath away, he took his voice as well.  
   
“Um…um….um…” He forced himself to look at Tommy’s face and noticed the disappointment written all over it. “I think it’s fine, Reba…what do you think Tommy?”  
   
Tommy turned back to the mirrors. “I like it just the way it is, Reba.”  
   
Reba moaned, shaking her head. “Oh, I don’t think so, dear…and I think Amanda would agree with me. She’s not going to want her groom to wear rhinestones on his tux or be showing his derrière off for everyone to see.” She rubbed her chin while eyeing the area in question carefully. “How would you feel about it, Adam?”  
   
Adam’s eyes shifted from Reba to Tommy and then back again. “I really don’t think it’s all that tight, Reba…and I definitely don’t think Amanda’s going to be thinking about anything other than how handsome Tommy looks.”  
   
Reba smacked Adam’s arm playfully. “I guess I shouldn’t be asking a gay guy that question then.”  
   
Tommy looked at Adam and mouthed a silent “thank you” behind Reba’s back before clearing his throat and looking to the tailor. “Albert…I like it just the way it is.”  
   
Reba stepped up on the platform and grabbed Tommy’s hand. “I’m sorry, Tommy…it’s just too flashy for this family’s taste. You understand dear, right?”  
   
Tommy’s head dropped, his smile immediately fading. “Of course.”  
   
When Adam finally lifted his head to look in the mirror, he wanted to take Tommy in his arms and hold him.  
   
He looked sad.  
He looked upset.  
He looked beautiful.  
He looked like he was about to explode.  
   
Adam forced himself to smile, despite the ache he felt in his heart. Putting his arm around Tommy, he leaned in and whispered, “If you aren’t happy…you need to say something…now.”  
   
He was referring to his tux.  
He was referring to his upcoming wedding.  
He didn’t know what the hell he was referring to but Tommy needed to speak up.  
   
Tommy said nothing.  
But his look said it all.  
   
Adam turned his head back towards Reba and Albert who were now huddled in the corner of the room. No doubt, they were concocting a plan. His head whipped back around to Tommy. “They’re ganging up on you now…you’d better say something quickly here or else you’ll be wearing a habit to your own wedding.”  
   
Tommy shook his head and let out a little laugh. “A habit?”  
   
Adam quietly laughed back and raised his shoulders for a second before dropping them heavily. “You never know with her.” He cocked his head to the side and forced himself to smile. “Tommy…you look handsome, absolutely beautiful.”  
   
Tommy smiled shyly at him. “Thanks.”  
   
“Just like a prince.” He stepped behind Tommy and snaked his arms around him. Adam kissed his head, lingering there for a moment before he rested his chin on the exact spot he’d kissed. Slowly, he brought his gaze up and looked at him through the mirror. Tommy was looking right back at him. “We would’ve made a cute couple…don’t you think?”  
   
Once again, Tommy looked like he was about to cry. “Yeah.”  
   
“We still could,” he whispered.  
   
“Don’t,” he replied softly. “Don’t say that.”  
   
“Why?”  
   
“You know why.”  
   
“No, I don’t…why don’t you tell me.”  
   
Their eyes never left the others. They each held the other’s stare. “It’s too late,” Tommy whispered quietly.  
   
Adam removed his hold on Tommy, stepped down off the platform and walked over to Reba. “Reba…I’m sorry if I’m stepping out of line here…but, this is the tux that Tommy picked out and I really think that unless he wants Albert here to change it…it should be left the way it is.”  
   
Reba frowned, inching her way closer to Tommy. “But Adam, he just agreed that the pants were too tight.”  
   
Adam scrunched up his nose at her, determined not to back down. “I didn’t hear him say that at all.” He turned to the tailor. “Did you, Albert?”  
   
Albert hung his head and said nothing.  
   
Why he expected anything different was beyond him. Albert worked for Reba. Sighing, he shook his head and looked back at the groom. “Tommy…do you want to leave the tux the way it is?”  
   
Tommy lowered his head. His voice could barely be heard. “Yes.”  
   
Adam turned to Reba and raised his eyebrows. “There you have it, Reba. Don’t touch the tux, Albert.”  
   
Reba stepped up on the platform. “Dear…I thought you just agreed that you need to be a little more proper…”  
   
Adam interrupted her, “For crying out loud, Reba…his cock isn’t hanging out of the zipper. Stop trying to bully him into saying what _you_ want to hear.” He softened his tone, “please.”  
   
Reba stepped back from Tommy and walked over to Adam. He could tell instantly that Tommy was upset by his last comment. His face was beet red. “Who do you think is paying for this tux, young man?”  
   
Tommy finally spoke up, “It’s okay, Adam…it’s not a big deal.”  
   
He looked over at Tommy. “Yes, it is a big deal, Tommy.” Turning back to Reba, his voice got louder. “If you want…I can write you out a check right here and now for this tux.” He threw his arms up in the air. “Hell…for the whole wedding if you want…just stop acting like this is _your_ wedding, because it isn’t yours. It’s Tommy and Amanda’s.”  
   
“Well…I never…”  
   
Adam interjected, “That’s right, Reba. You never should’ve done a lot of things.”  
   
Reba huffed at Adam and turned around to Tommy. “Do you feel that way?”  
   
Tommy was silent.  
   
“Tommy, do you feel that way?”  
   
He whispered, “No.”  
   
Adam threw his arms up in the air, disgusted. “What’d you think he was going to say, Reba? You’ve pretty much scared him into doing everything you want…why should he grow a backbone now?”  
   
He shook his head in disgust and walked away.  
   
Tommy yelled, “Adam, wait!”  
   
Adam ignored his pleas. He tried his best and failed. If Tommy couldn’t defend himself then he sure as hell wasn’t going to try and do it for him.  
   
**********  
   
When Adam left the fitting, he headed straight to the poolside bar. After downing a couple beers and shots, he headed to Ted’s room. He needed to work his anger out. His anger over the tux, Tommy, Reba and Amanda…and sex was exactly the way to work it out.  
   
Knocking on his door abruptly, Adam dropped his fist and tried hard to control his feelings. This was about sex. This was not about Tommy.  
   
When Ted opened the door, Adam immediately stepped in and grabbed him, backing him against the wall. Within seconds, his mouth was devouring Ted’s face. It was such a rush that he could hardly breathe. His tongue and lips were making rapid movements all over Ted’s face until he found the perfect home…Ted’s mouth.  
   
Ted pushed him back a little. “What’s come over you, Adam?”  
   
With the passion mounted as high as it was, he could barely speak. “You…I want you.”  
   
Adam pulled him in again and Ted’s hands began to explore his body. “You don’t how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”  
   
“Just shut up and kiss me,” he demanded.  
   
Ted obeyed him immediately. He liked that. He liked obedient men. Always had…always would.  
   
Immediately, Adam’s brain registered his thoughts. Yes, he liked obedient men when it came to sex…but he liked them to be able to defend themselves too.  
   
Something that Tommy obviously couldn’t do.  
   
He pulled back. “Do you want this?”  
   
Ted smiled at him. “Oh my God…can’t you tell?”  
   
Adam smiled back at him. “Just checking…” His hands reached down and grabbed hold of Ted’s shirt. Ted lifted his arms immediately and Adam had no problems slipping the shirt off.  
   
“I fucking want you so bad…hurry please.”  
   
Running his hand all over Ted’s chest, he started to work his hands around Ted’s nipples, being careful not to touch them just yet. Despite his current state, he was trying to slow himself down.  
   
“Touch them, damn it!”  
   
When Ted moaned and arched his back, Adam knew he had him just where he wanted him. He kicked the door shut with his foot and brought them both to the ground.  
   
“God…I love it when a man takes charge,” Ted moaned into his ear.  
   
Adam groaned. Ted’s voice was starting to annoy him. He wanted him to just shut the hell up.  
   
Ted put his hands on the outside of Adam’s jeans. “Let’s get that bad boy out.”  
   
Adam closed his eyes to try and drown out the sound of his voice.  
   
“Oh God,” Ted groaned while trying to free him.  
   
It wasn’t working. When Ted started to slide his hand underneath the waistband of Adam’s boxers, he became rigid. And not the kind of rigid he wanted to be.  
   
He pushed Ted’s hand away and shot up. “I’m sorry, Ted…this just isn’t working for me.”  
   
“What?”  
   
Adam tried to smooth it over by lying. “I’ve had too much to drink and I don’t want our first time to be when I was drunk.” He opened the door while buttoning his jeans. “I’m sorry.”  
   
Ted sat up and leaned against the wall.  
   
Adam leaned down and kissed his forehead quickly. “I’ll see you later…when I sober up some.”  
   
Adam slammed the door and headed back to his room, stumbling along the way. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tommy walking down the path and decided to slow his pace down so that he could catch up.  
   
The plan worked out beautifully, because within seconds, they were side by side. “Hi…look, Adam. I’m sorry about earlier.”  
   
“Just forget about it, Tommy…I tried to help you out and obviously you don’t want my help.” He looked back at Ted’s room and laughed. “At least someone around here wants my help.”  
   
“You’re drunk, aren’t you?”  
   
Glancing down, he noticed his zipper was still down. “Ah shit…” Adam knew Tommy was watching him, he could tell. “So what if I am?”  
   
“Are you sure Ted wants you for you and not for what you are?”  
   
Adam stopped fiddling with his zipper and raised his hands in the air. “At least he wants me…”  
   
Tommy huffed, “Who wouldn’t want you? You’re Adam Lambert!”  
   
“Ah shit, Tommy…you don’t want me. Would it help if I _reminded_ you I was a rock star and I could rock your world? Just ask Ted…he’ll vouch for that.”  
   
Tommy stood there glaring. “I don’t give a shit about you being a rock star…you know that.”  
   
“Then why’d you bring it up?”  
   
“I didn’t!”  
   
“Yes, you did…you just did two seconds ago!” he yelled back.  
   
“I never mentioned rock star…you just did.”  
   
“You implied it, Tommy,” he shot back.  
   
Tommy threw his arms up. “And I bet Ted could give me an earful about how you rocked his world. There’s one small problem though…I don’t give a shit! You can rock the world of every man here for all I care!”  
   
Adam grabbed Tommy’s arms and held on tightly. “But that’s where you’re wrong…you do care. You just don’t have a fucking backbone so you can’t admit it!”  
   
“Leave my backbone out of it,” Tommy heaved through a clenched jaw.  
   
Adam’s voice quieted down a little, when he noticed the seriousness of Tommy’s face. “You do care…why can’t you just admit it?”  
   
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”  
   
“Oh, like hell you don’t, Tommy. It bugs the hell out of you…thinking about me and Ted doing the nasty…doesn’t it?”  
   
Tommy stood still and didn’t say a word.  
   
Adam let his head drop back while he laughed. “I can tell just by the look on your face that it bugs you. I know you like the back of my hand, Tommy.”  
   
Still…Tommy didn’t say anything.  
   
“You have no reason to be jealous,” he said, bringing his gaze back to Tommy’s and releasing his hold on him.  
   
Tommy’s eyes turned to slits. “I am not jealous!”  
   
Adam took a step closer, their noses touching. “Just remember something, Tommy…for the next fifty years, every time you see me with someone else…it _could’ve_ been you.”  
   
Tommy’s mouth dropped.  
   
“It _should’ve_ been you…but because you’re too fucking stubborn to face the truth, it won’t be you.” Adam leaned forward and kissed his nose. “And it’ll be that way because you wanted it to be.”  
   
He walked away and left Tommy standing there…with his mouth wide open.  
   


* * *

   
Tommy was frantically pounding on Adam’s door. He was not about to let Adam just walk away from him the way he did, saying the things he did. He just wouldn’t allow it.  
   
When Adam finally answered the door, it was obvious to Tommy just how surprised he was to see him standing there. “I don’t have anything more to say to you, Tommy…just go,” he mumbled, pointing towards his room.  
   
He started to close the door and Tommy stopped it with his hand. “Oh no, you’re not…we need to get a few things straight.”  
   
“I’m not thinking straight and I’m really not in the mood to rehash everything that we just talked about.”  
   
Tommy stomped his foot defiantly. “ _We_ didn’t talk about anything…you were the one talking. Now I want to add my two cents worth.”  
   
Adam looked down at Tommy’s foot and then proceeded to stomp his own foot right back at him. “Well, what if I don’t want to listen?”  
   
Tommy pushed his way in. “You don’t have a choice.” Pushing his way past Adam, he brushed up against him and his whole body tingled. Why was this happening now? In all the years they’d known each other, his body never tingled. Or did it? Maybe it did and he just ignored it.  
   
He’d forever had a crush on this man standing before him…he’d admit to that. But this was going further than a crush and it was scaring the hell out of him.  
   
Adam slammed the door shut and walked over to the couch. Plopping down, he threw his feet up. “Shoot.”  
   
“Okay, listen,” Tommy said, walking into the center of the room. “I know you think that I’m jealous of…”  
   
Adam crossed his arms in front of him. “You are jealous.”  
   
“I’m not jealous, Adam.” He sat down on the floor, Indian-style, across from Adam. “I’m just lonely and seeing you with someone else makes me realize how much I miss Amanda.”  
   
It really wasn’t the truth…but it really wasn’t a lie either.  
   
Adam rolled his eyes. “Go on.”  
   
His attitude was making Tommy mad, hitting his last nerve. “And this thing about me seeing you with someone else during the next fifty years…well, I can almost guarantee that it won’t be with the _same_ someone during those years, knowing you.”  
   
His face remained expressionless. “Your point?”  
   
“My point,” Tommy huffed, looking directly at Adam. “Is that you’re not capable of being with one person that long.”  
   
Adam facial expression was starting to change. “And how do you know that?”  
   
Tommy shook his head. “Come on, Adam…look at your track record.”  
   
“What about my track record?”  
   
“It’s not very good, is it?”  
   
Adam’s facial expression was getting scary now. “You try being in my shoes.”  
   
Tommy remained quiet.  
   
“My track record isn’t very good, because the people I’ve chosen to be with in the past haven’t been that good.” His arms slowly started to uncross. “You know…I’m not the one who _knows_ I’m making a mistake and yet still insists on making that mistake. At least when I know someone isn’t the right one for me, I get out.”  
   
“Hey, wait a minute here…are you talking about me now?”  
   
“If the shoe fits, Tommy…”  
   
Tommy stood up and started to pace the floors. “Amanda is not a mistake, Adam…how can you even say that after all these years?”  
   
“I can say it because it’s true…and I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier because if I would have, I would’ve said something to you about it long ago.”  
   
Tommy stopped pacing the floors and placed his hands on his hips. “So what you’re saying is that Amanda isn’t the one for me and what? You are?”  
   
He didn’t expect Adam to look at him the way he did.  
He suddenly looked somber and peaceful.  
   
Adam’s eyes were penetrating so deeply into his that Tommy had to look away. “Yes, Tommy…that’s exactly what I’m saying.”  
   
“What?” he gasped.  
   
Adam didn’t say another word.  
   
“Where the hell is this coming from?” he asked, throwing his arms up in the air and shrugging his shoulders. “We’ve known each other forever and NOW you decide to spring this on me?”  
   
Still…Adam said nothing.  
   
“Well, don’t just sit there, goddamn it…say something!”  
   
“I’m done talking…remember? You’re the one who said they wanted to talk.”  
   
Tommy shook his head. “Why do I even bother?”  
   
Adam got up from the couch and walked over to him. Gently pushing him to the couch, he forced Tommy down. Crouching down on his knees, he grabbed Tommy’s hands before speaking. “I only just realized it myself, Tommy.”  
   
Tommy yanked his hands from his. “I can’t believe you! It’s almost like this is a game to you…to see if you can get me.” With the tears just about ready to escape, he closed his eyes and forced them to stay put. “Oh, I know…let’s wait until Tommy is weeks away from his wedding and then I’ll tell him that I want him.” He opened his eyes. “Is it because I’m not available that has you suddenly so intrigued?”  
   
Adam’s voice was firm yet gentle, “No.”  
   
“And what makes you so sure that next year or even next week, you won’t feel differently?” Tommy was starting to lose his hold on his emotions. “You grow tired of men, Adam…I’ve seen it a million times.”  
   
“You’re different.”  
   
Tommy’s emotions were thrown by the wayside now…he could no longer control them. Blinking rapidly to try and stop them, he couldn’t. “How so?”  
   
Adam lifted his chin. “It just is, Tommy. I can’t explain it.”  
   
“Well…you’re going to have to do better than that. You have to explain it.”  
Adam sighed heavily, wiping away the tears from Tommy’s eyes. “Tommy…did you read the song I wrote for your album?”  
   
Did he? Tommy closed his eyes again and nodded.  
   
Adam leaned over, kissed him on the cheek and then made his way to his ear. He whispered softly, “That’s how I feel. I can’t explain it because I don’t know when it happened or how it happened. All I know is that it did happen.” He turned and walked towards his bedroom, stopping short. “Maybe it happened when I kissed you at your engagement party, or maybe it happened when I pushed my tongue down your throat at the AMAs and I just shoved my feelings aside first because you insisted that you were straight and then because of your relationship with Amanda.” Turning around, he backed into his bedroom. “You know how I feel…the ball’s in your court now,” he finished, shutting the door.  
   
**********  
   
The next few days were pretty tense. Both Tommy and Adam kept their distance from each other. And when they did happen to occasionally bump into each other, they were cordial. Not overly nice, just cordial.  
   
It wasn’t like Tommy had time for anything more than cordial really. Reba pretty much kept him busy from morning to night. So when he did find himself finally having a free moment that afternoon, he was surprised when Ted happened along and invited him out.  
   
“Oh, come on, Tommy…it’ll be fun. Besides, I already rented the convertible for the day.”  
   
Tommy searched for an excuse to bow out gracefully. But Ted wouldn’t let up. Maybe hanging out would take his mind off of other things that were clouding his every thought. “Fine…let me grab my stuff.”  
   
“What stuff?”  
   
“My sunglasses and bag.”  
   
Ted smiled at him. “Oh…okay. Don’t forget your beach towel either.”  
   
Tommy nodded and headed to his room. He really didn’t feel like cruising the island in search of the perfect beach. Wasn’t the beach at the resort good enough? Grabbing his things, he headed towards the parking lot where Ted told him to meet him.  
   
When he arrived there he was surprised to see Adam sitting in the driver’s seat of the convertible. Was it possible that Adam had rented a convertible on the same day? Not likely. When Adam noticed him, he immediately waved. Walking up to him, Tommy smiled. “Where’s Ted?”  
   
“He’s coming.”  
   
“I take it you’re coming with us then?”  
   
Adam raised his eyebrows. “Yeah…is there a problem with that?”  
   
Tommy shook his head and lied. “No…it’s just that Ted didn’t mention you were coming, that’s all.”  
   
Tommy opened the passenger side door and took a seat in the back of the car. This was going to be a long, long day. Probably one of the longest days of his entire life, if he had to guess.  
   
No one said anything as they waited for Ted to show. It was a tense few minutes, ones filled with silence and awkwardness. But once Ted finally took his place next to Adam, the silence was shattered. Adam looked over his shoulder. “So gentlemen…where are we headed?”  
   
Ted slapped him on the thigh. “Just drive…we’ll let you know when we want you to stop. Right, Tommy?”  
   
“Yeah…right.” Tommy kept himself occupied by watching the scenery as they were driving. He didn’t dare look at the couple sitting in front of him. It would only make matters worse. “You know, guys…if you want to be alone it’s okay. You can take me back to the resort.”  
   
Ted piped in quickly, “Get out of here…we want you here. If we take you back, you know all you’ll be doing is working on shit for your wedding. Aren’t you sick of that yet?”  
   
“You have no idea,” he mumbled back. “I’ll be glad when this whole thing is over.”  
   
Adam turned around and made a face. “It’s only the beginning.”  
   
 _Don’t remind me._  
   
For over thirty minutes, all was quiet as they drove down the deserted roads. Except for the occasional giggle coming from the front seat, all was silent. Tommy found himself occasionally glancing towards the front and every time he did, he reprimanded himself. He didn’t need to see that Adam’s hand was resting on Ted’s thigh or that when his wasn’t there, Ted’s hand was resting on his thigh. Didn’t need to see it at all.  
   
God…he really was jealous, wasn’t he?  
Maybe Adam was right after all.  
   
“STOP!”  
   
Adam practically gave them all whiplash as he slammed the brakes. “Shit, Ted, don’t do that!”  
   
“Look…over there.” Ted pointed towards a beautiful, deserted beach. “It’s beautiful and there’s no one there…it’s perfect.” He turned to look over his shoulder. “Is it okay with you, Tommy?”  
   
Tommy smiled. “It’s great.”  
   
Tommy and Ted quickly made their way to the beach ahead of Adam, leaving him to retrieve anything and everything they’d left behind…in particular, the cooler.  
   
Ted set up the towels all neatly in a row and motioned for Adam to place the cooler down behind them. “You guys want to eat now or later?”  
   
Tommy’s head glanced up. “You actually brought food?”  
   
“Hell yeah…I packed us all a lunch and lots of wine coolers too.” He looked at Adam and laughed. “Don’t worry, honey…I brought some beer and vodka too.”  
   
 _Honey? Honey?_ Were they an exclusive item now?  
   
Tommy tried not to watch as Adam pulled Ted into an embrace, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes were drawn to them.  
   
Adam smiled at Tommy and then kissed Ted on the cheek. “Thanks, honey.”  
   
 _Honey?_  
   
“That’s the thanks I get? I was hoping for a little more than that.”  
   
Tommy watched as Ted pulled Adam’s head in for a kiss. He willed himself to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted to…but he couldn’t. He watched as Adam closed his eyes, knowing exactly what was about to happen next.  
   
And it did.  
And his heart ached.  
   
Despite the fact that they started making out like a bunch of horny teenagers, Tommy watched every move. He really couldn’t see much, but he could hear their lip smacking, tongue-sucking kiss as clear as day.  
   
If possible, his heart ached even more.  
Without any warning, Adam opened his eyes and Tommy found himself looking eye to eye with him. He immediately looked the other way. He was embarrassed that Adam caught him staring.  
   
“Hey, Tommy?”  
   
Tommy turned again to see Ted standing there beside him naked. “Lose the clothes, babe.”  
   
“Excuse me?”  
   
“Oh, come on…live a little.” Ted did a complete 360 and then smiled. “There’s not a single soul here.”  
   
 _Bullshit…there’s Adam._  
   
“I don’t know…” Tommy trailed, searching for an excuse to keep himself covered up.  
   
Ted turned to Adam. “Adam doesn’t care…do you?”  
   
He shook his head.  
Tommy frowned.  
Ted laughed.  
   
“Come on, party pooper…lose the clothes and stop being such a baby.”  
   
Tommy checked Ted out thoroughly. Ted definitely had a nice firm chest there. “Oh okay…what the hell.” He took off his shirt and pants but left the boxers on. Throwing his shirt over at Adam, he laughed. “Don’t you ever tell Amanda I did this!”  
   
Lying back on his towel, Tommy sighed. It was a relaxing day and if he had to admit to it, it had been a fun day. And fun wasn’t that easy to come by for him now.  
   
For over four hours…Tommy, Ted and Adam played Frisbee, ate, read, drank, ate, drank, ate, drank and enjoyed the sun. Adam was the only sober one left.  
   
Much to everyone’s dismay.  
   
Ted and Tommy gave him a hard time about it, but he insisted that he had to drive. Ted even tried to pull Adam’s bathing suit down a couple times; trying to encourage him to sunbathe in the nude, but it was a no go.  
   
At the present time, they were all lying down on their towels and trying to dry off from their swim. As much as he didn’t want to, Tommy even went into the water for a little while. Ted and Adam looked like they were having so much fun jumping the waves that even he decided to give it a try.  
   
Of course, the alcohol relaxed him some too.  
   
Even with all the wine coolers though, he couldn’t help the feeling of jealousy that took over every time Adam and Ted kissed. Maybe if all they did was kiss, he wouldn’t have been so jealous. But they didn’t just kiss; they made out…each and every time.  
   
Lying there, Tommy suddenly sat up. His skin was killing him. Maybe coming to the beach without any sun block wasn’t such a good idea after all.  
   
Looking over at Ted, who was lying directly next to him, he frowned when his eyes settled on Adam holding his hand. “Shit…I need to put my clothes back on, guys…sorry…but my skin is killing me.”  
   
Ted looked over to him. “Hey…I’m surprised you lasted this long.”  
   
“Yeah…me too.” Tommy put his clothes back on.  
   
Ted jumped up suddenly. “I have to pee, guys…I’ll be right back.” He looked over at Adam who was still lying down and kicked his legs. “Put some moisturizer on Tommy’s skin.”  
   
Tommy’s head immediately shook. “No, don’t worry about it, Adam…I’m OK.”  
   
He didn’t listen.  
He grabbed the moisturizer, walked over to Tommy and sat down behind him.  
   
Once Ted was out of sight, he opened his legs and straddled Tommy from behind. He pulled Tommy in close to him and without saying a word, he spread the moisturizer all over Tommy’s back. His hands rubbed Tommy’s shoulders and Tommy felt like he was on fire. What was happening to him was indescribable and undeniable and inappropriate for a man who was about to get married to someone else.  
   
Adam leaned in and whispered in his ear, “You having a good time?”  
   
“Yeah…it’s just what the doctor ordered…thanks.”  
   
Adam’s hands moved down. Slowly, he rubbed all along Tommy’s sides and then settled in on his back. It was such a turn-on that Tommy had to actually remind himself to breathe.  
   
“How come every time I kiss Ted I catch you staring at us?”  
   
Tommy closed his eyes and enjoyed the massage, letting the words roll right off his tongue. “It’s hard _not_ to stare…you guys are pretty noisy.”  
   
Adam laughed and then leaned in again to whisper, “Why can’t you just fucking admit you’re jealous.”  
   
“Because I’m not.”  
   
“You know, Tommy,” Adam said, taking Tommy’s earlobe in between his teeth. “You never were a very good liar.”  
   
Tommy moaned slightly when he felt Adam’s tongue flick his ear. “Mmm…I’m not lying.”  
   
“Oh, yes, you are.”  
   
Any other time, Tommy would’ve just gotten up and left. But right now, he was helpless. He was so caught up in the sensations going through his body that he didn’t have a care in the world. “Okay…okay, I’m lying…so what?”  
   
“So you are jealous then?”  
   
Adam ran his tongue along Tommy’s shoulder and kissed his neck. He couldn’t take it anymore. He reached back, grabbed Adam’s head with his hand and pressed it closer to his neck. “Damn right I am.”  
   
Looking up, Adam noticed Ted coming back out of the corner of his eye. He stopped kissing Tommy and patted him on the shoulder. “Just remember… _you_ wanted it this way.”  
   
Tommy opened his eyes instantly and frowned when he noticed Ted coming towards them. If he didn’t have any morals, he’d throw caution to the wind and just jump right on top of Adam.  
   
Luckily, for everyone involved, he did.  
   
“I think we should head back now…sound good?” Adam grabbed his towel and wrapped it around him.  
   
Tommy had to hold back his laughter…it looked like he was sporting a hard on. Sitting up, he grabbed his towel as well, trying to ignore what he knew he had done. “Sounds good to me.”  
   
Ted followed suit as they all headed back to the car.  
There wasn’t a word spoken by anyone the entire way back.  
   
**********  
   
When Tommy finally found himself back in his room, he immediately plopped down on the couch. He had way too much to drink. Way, way too much. Lying there, he closed his eyes and remembered the scene from the beach. The scene where Adam was kissing his neck…  
   
Jumping up, he headed for the door and didn’t turn back.  
   
He knocked on Adam’s door, only then having second thoughts. He didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not. Then, something took over him and he knocked again.  
   
It was probably the alcohol.  
   
When Adam swung the door opened, he jumped back. Adam was standing there with only a towel wrapped around his waist. Tommy’s eyes widened and traveled to Adam’s hair where he took in the beauty of it standing up all over the place. It was messy from the wind drying it and it took everything ounce of control Tommy could muster to keep his hands down by his sides.  
   
Tommy’s gaze traveled back down to Adam’s bare chest and bulging arms. Slowly, he lifted one arm and ran his fingertips along Adam’s arm. He swallowed hard. “You’ve been working out again, haven’t you?”  
   
“What?”  
   
“Never mind,” he mumbled.  
   
“Tommy…is something wrong?”  
   
He looked around, nodded and followed that up with a shake of his head.  
   
Adam grabbed him by the hand and pulled him in. “What’s going on?”  
   
Tommy’s control was losing ground. He answered Adam by throwing his arms around neck and pressing his body firmly against Adam. If Adam was surprised before, he was even more surprised now, but still, he didn’t show it. Calmly, he tilted his head, wrapping his arms around Tommy’s waist. “What is it, honey?”  
   
 _Honey? Honey?_  
   
Tommy pulled back a little and slid his hands up to Adam’s head, bringing him closer.  
He was sure that Adam understood now.  
   
Pressing his lips against Adam’s, he didn’t need to say anything now. Adam knew.  
   
For a minute, Adam remained still. Not quite sure what to do or how to react, he used that minute to quickly decide what his plan of action would be. He knew what the circumstances were…and he knew what kind of state Tommy was in. What he also knew was that Tommy felt damn good in his arms and his mouth felt even damn better.  
   
His mouth finally opened, allowing Tommy’s tongue to gain entry. Tommy moaned when their tongues touched. Adam moaned louder. Tommy moaned again. Adam was a goner.  
   
When Tommy’s tongue slid out of Adam’s mouth and ran along his cheek, Adam pulled back. He knew where this was going and it wasn’t exactly the course he mapped out for his tentative plan of action. “What’re you doing…?”  
   
Tommy wanted him to be quiet. No talking and no thinking allowed. He pressed his lips against Adam’s again and together they made those noises that Tommy’d heard all afternoon. It was his turn to devour him. It was his turn to make those noises. It was his turn.  
   
Reaching down, he grabbed hold of Adam’s towel and pulled it off in one quick movement. Adam didn’t have time to react with how quickly it all happened. He watched as Tommy dropped his towel to the floor and smiled.  
   
Then, he took his shirt off. He wanted to feel Adam’s chest against his. He wanted to feel Adam in him.  
   
God…he wanted Adam.  
And if it meant sneaking around and having an affair then so be it.  
He couldn’t deny it any longer.  
   
Once his shirt was gone, Tommy pressed himself closer and moved his body against Adam’s. It felt good. Adam felt good. He wanted more.  
   
Tommy’s mouth was plastered to Adam’s face in a desperate attempt to avoid any interruptions. He wouldn’t stop kissing him. It didn’t matter what he was trying to remove, he didn’t want to interrupt their kisses for anything. And he didn’t.  
   
When he reached down and started to remove his boxers, Adam knew that if he didn’t stop him now, there’d be no stopping him later. Quickly, he grabbed Tommy’s wrist. “Whoa…slow down a minute.”  
   
Tommy managed to free himself of his grip and in a matter of a few seconds his boxers were gone too. Adam’s eyes widened, taking in the realization that Tommy was completely naked and silently begging Adam to take him. He knew right then and there that it wouldn’t take much begging on Tommy’s part, he was about to break down as it was.  
   
He swallowed down the lump in his throat and closed his eyes. Adam wanted nothing more than to take Tommy, right then and there. He tried to wipe the thought from his mind, but when he felt his hand suddenly being lifted and placed around Tommy’s cock, the thought found its way back.  
   
Slowly, he opened his eyes and dropped his gaze. When he heard Tommy’s breathing become deeper, with little moans escaping every so often, he bit his bottom lip and tried his best not to move a muscle. This was the hardest test of self-control he’d ever been through in his entire life. If he could make it out of this one without actually taking Tommy, he was a stronger man than he ever thought possible.  
   
This was literally killing him.  
   
Feeling his own erection grow harder, he looked down and groaned as it brushed up against Tommy’s body. “Shit,” he mumbled under his breath. “Shit, shit, shit…”  
   
Tommy’s body pressed forward some, swaying to something or other that only his ears were hearing. Adam’s body pulled back, trying desperately to keep his erection from coming in contact with Tommy.  
   
When Tommy opened his eyes, Adam had to look away. The desire was hot. The air between them thick and his erection had never been harder. This was not going to be easy.  
   
Adam let go of his cock, grabbed him by the waist and pushed him against the wall, allowing his own erection to finally press against Tommy’s. Bringing Tommy’s hands above his head, he held them against the wall, pinning the shorter man. “Is this really what you want, Tommy?”  
   
Tommy answered him with a deep, sexual moan.  
   
 _Fuck…_ Adam’s head leaned in close which allowed Tommy’s tongue to run across his lips. _Fuck...Please…don't let me down..._ “Because this isn’t what I want.”  
   
Tommy’s eyes flew open.  
   
Adam smiled, quickly putting the thought Tommy had to rest. “Oh, I want you,” he moaned. He looked down at their erections and Tommy followed his lead. “No question about that…I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something so bad in my entire life.” Bringing his head back up, he leaned forward and kissed Tommy’s lips still holding his arms above his head. “But not like this.”  
   
 _What?_  
   
“I want you sober…so you remember every last detail of what I do to you,” he groaned loudly, with desire dripping from every word.  
   
 _Hmmmmm…..okay…….._  
   
“I want you without that damn ring on your finger though,” Adam said, nodding up towards Tommy’s hands. “I want you free and clear.”  
   
 _Shit…not this again._  
   
Tommy looked at him. “Can’t we just do this behind Amanda’s back?”  
   
Adam’s eyes remained guarded. “You mean like an affair?”  
   
He nodded.  
   
“We could,” he admitted, bending his knee and bringing it up between Tommy’s legs. “But it won’t be enough for me and I seriously doubt it’d be enough for you either.”  
   
Tommy dropped some of his weight to Adam’s knee and moaned. “It’d be good.”  
   
Adam leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Oh…I don’t doubt that. The sex would be damn good.” Hearing those words, Tommy started grinding against his knee. “But would it be enough?”  
   
Tommy’s erection was starting to get to Adam. He didn’t know how much longer he could stand there without throwing Tommy to the ground and pounding himself into him.  
   
He needed to end this.  
   
Adam dropped his damp knee, leaned in and fully pressed his body against Tommy’s. Erection and all. Immediately, he felt Tommy start to wiggle as he stood on his tip toes.  
   
Adam moved his head around so that his mouth was pressed against Tommy’s ear. “You’re trying to drive me insane, Tommy but it isn’t going to work." He took a deep breath. "When you come to me…you’ll be sober and single…understood?”  
   
Tommy’d agree to just about anything right now.  
   
When he continued to move, grinding himself harder, Adam laughed quietly in his ear. “And only then…will this erection be put where you really want it.”  
   
“Oh, God…please…” Tommy moaned.  
   
Adam crouched down a little and took Tommy’s nipple in his mouth. Sucking gently, he bit the tip. Tommy immediately arched his back; silently demanding he do more of the same. Adam pulled his mouth free and kissed his way back to Tommy’s ear. “I’ll give you more than that when you give me what I want.”  
   
Without warning, he let go of Tommy’s arms and they fell down to his sides. He bent down and picked up Tommy’s clothes, making sure his hand grazed against Tommy’s warm body. Handing them to him, Adam gave Tommy a half-smile. “You should probably go now.”  
   
Tommy took his clothes and turned to walk away. Adam stopped him by grabbing his arm and twirling him back around. “I’m begging you to please think about what I said. Don’t make a mistake that you’ll be forever regretting for the rest of your life, Tommy.”  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eighth album.

For the next two days, Adam and Tommy avoided each other like the plague. Not once did they see each other. Tommy didn’t know if they both planned it that way or if it just happened that way, but for him anyway…it was a relief.  
   
He was slightly embarrassed by what had happened back in Adam’s room after their “beach” day. It was totally unplanned and totally unlike him to throw himself at the mercy of anyone, much less Adam. But he did and quite honestly, he didn’t regret it. What he did feel was embarrassment. And that was only because Adam had come right out and flatly refused to take him up on his offer.  
   
Obviously, an affair behind Amanda’s back wasn’t what Adam was looking for. And if truth be told, it wasn’t what Tommy was looking for either. But he couldn’t give Adam what he was looking for. He just couldn’t give Adam what he wanted…it was too late for anything of the sort.  
   
Sitting on his balcony, Tommy stopped reading his book when he heard a familiar voice from down below. He stood up and made his way to the railing. Looking down, he saw Amanda and Adam standing on the ground beneath him.  
   
“Amanda!”  
   
She looked up at him and smiled. “Hey, sexy.”  
   
Adam kissed Amanda on the cheek, without even so much as a glance towards Tommy. “I should probably let you go.”  
   
Tommy’s gaze traveled from Amanda to Adam. He loved them…both of them. One held a special place in his heart and one had stolen his heart. Now, he just needed to figure out which one did what.  
   
And figure out how he was going to get on with his life without always wondering about the "what ifs..."  
   
He walked back into the room and headed towards the door. Once he opened it, Amanda and Adam were both standing there, much to his surprise. He opened his arms and Amanda immediately stepped into them.  
   
“I’m so glad to finally be here.”  
   
Tommy moaned and whispered in her ear. “Yeah…me too, sweetheart. We have a lot of catching up to do.”  
   
“Yeah…we do.”  
   
Tommy’s eyes were glued to Adam and Adam’s eyes were fixed on him. He didn’t look too happy, but then again, Tommy probably didn’t either. When he smiled at Adam, his mouth slid into a half-smile. He pulled back. “You guys are still leaving tonight for LA, right?”  
   
Amanda nodded slowly. “Yeah…but it’ll only be for the weekend, honey and then I’ll be back for good.”  
   
“AMANDA!”  
   
Everyone turned around to see Reba running up the stairs. “Amanda…do you have time right now to go over the menu options? The head chef has next week off and he’s leaving in a couple hours.” She nodded her head at Adam, completely foregoing any other type of acknowledgment and then looked at Tommy. “Hi, dear…you don’t mind…do you?”  
   
Did he have any other choice but to lie? “No, it’s fine…” Once he thought about what he said though, he quickly added, “You’re not changing the menu, are you?”  
   
Reba shrugged. “Just a few things, dear…not much, don’t worry.”  
   
Amanda kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be back in a few. Hold those thoughts.”  
   
When she turned to leave, Tommy called after her. “Remember what you promised me, okay?”  
   
She smiled as Reba grabbed her arm and headed down the stairs.  
   
When Adam started to walk towards his door, Tommy called for him. “Hey, Adam?”  
   
He barely turned around. “What?”  
   
“You make sure you take good care of her this weekend.” Tommy walked towards him, stopping before he got too close. “And make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble.”  
   
“I’ll try.” He turned back around and opened his door. “Who’s going to take care of you?”  
   
“I can take care of myself…thank you very much.” Tommy turned to walk away but didn’t get very far when Adam stopped him. “What now, Adam?”  
   
“I can’t believe how you just stand there and don’t say anything.” The look on Adam’s face was sincere and it scared him. “This is _your_ wedding, Tommy…not hers.”  
   
“It’ll just cause problems if I say anything, Adam. Besides, Amanda promised me that she was going to say something to her mom.”  
   
Adam grabbed both his hands and looked directly into his eyes. “She’s promised you a lot of things, Tommy…what makes you think this time she’ll follow through?”  
   
He didn’t know what to say. Adam was right. But he had to believe that Amanda would follow through, he had to.  
   
“Glitterbaby…I’m not saying these things to make you mad, you know that, right?”  
   
He dropped his gaze. “Yeah.”  
   
Adam squeezed his hands. “I love you…I don’t like to see you hurt.”  
   
Tommy continued to stare at their hands. They fit together perfectly and the thought actually made him shudder. “If you love me…why are you trying to make me feel guilty for wanting to marry Amanda?”  
   
Adam let go of their hands and pulled Tommy in so that he could hug him. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I’m sorry if that’s how it’s coming across to you. I just want you to make sure you’re doing the right thing because I don’t think you are.”  
   
Tommy didn’t say anything.  
   
Adam continued whispering in his ear, “Can you honestly tell me that you don’t have any feelings for me? And I don’t mean as a friend either.”  
   
Before he knew what was happening, he started crying. More than anything, he didn’t want to get into this with him now. They’d already been over it a million times before.  
   
Adam hugged him tighter. “It’s not too late, Tommy…it’s not too late to give _us_ a try.”  
   
“Yes…yes…yes…it is.”  
   
“No, it’s not.”  
   
Tommy pulled back completely in a desperate attempt to try and distance himself. “I’m sorry…but it is too late, Adam.”  
   
The attempt failed. They could’ve been standing miles apart from each other and he’d still feel the closeness between them. Adam took his hand and lifted his chin. “Do you love me, Tommy?”  
   
Tommy didn’t answer him.  
   
“Do you love me?”  
   
His reply was so quiet; he barely heard his own voice, “Yes.”  
   
Adam let go of his chin and turned to his room. He walked in and then stopped before shutting the door. “Then it’s not too late.”  
   
Tommy stormed into his room and slammed the door. Falling to the floor, he began crying so hard that he was finding it difficult to catch his breath.  
   
Couldn’t Adam see that it was too late? It was more than too late. The day he became engaged was the day it became too late. He’d committed himself to Amanda and there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. If this would’ve happened before their engagement, he could’ve walked away.  
   
Walking away now wasn’t an option as far as he was concerned.  
He couldn’t and wouldn’t hurt Amanda.  
   
He carried on with his crying until he heard a knock at his door. Startled, he stood up and wiped his tears away. Swinging the door open, Tommy’s heart sank when he realized that it wasn’t Adam.  
   
And that’s when it hit him…

 

The simple fact that he _wanted_ it to be Adam at his door made him realize that he’d probably live his whole life _wanting_ another man…  
   
“Come on…we’ve got a lot of catching up to do.” Amanda pushed Tommy inside his room and slammed the door shut behind him. Grabbing him, she drew him in close and pressed his lips against hers.  
   
Tommy heard a small moan escape from his throat. “I thought we were gonna wait until our wedding night.” _Can’t you tell that I’ve been crying?_  
   
Amanda frowned. “Ah, shit, you’re right. I want it to be all romantic and special.”  
   
“My point exactly…so what’s another two weeks gonna hurt?” _You can’t…can you?_  
   
Amanda ran her tongue along Tommy’s cheek until she found his ear. “But…I need you.”  
   
Tommy suddenly became rigid.  
   
“Come on, honey…I know you want it too.” Amanda’s hand ran along on the outside of his shirt until she reached his nipple. Squeezing gently, she pinched the hard bud between her fingers. “I can tell.”  
   
Tommy closed his eyes. “I do, but let’s keep on waiting. You’re right. It will be more special if we wait until the wedding night.”  
   
Her hand jerked away. “I’m horny, damnit!” She walked away and then abruptly turned around.  
   
Tommy tried his best to smile. He needed to smooth this out. Walking up to her, he gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “I know you are, sweetheart. Believe me, I am too. Let’s wait.”  
   
Amanda huffed and then sat down on the couch. “Fine.”  
   
He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. “If you’re going to be a pissy mood now…you might as well go.”  
   
She shook her head and sighed. “I’ll be okay.” Tommy extended his arm and she scooted closer to him. “So…has Adam been bothering you?”  
   
He froze. “No…why?”  
   
“Just curious,” she replied, while Tommy resumed rubbing her arm with his hand that was draped over her shoulder. “I just noticed some tension between you two.”  
   
“You did?”  
   
Amanda nodded. “What’s going on? If he’s been bothering you, just tell him to back off. He should know how busy you’ve been with the wedding plans and all.” Letting her head fall back, she took a deep breath. “Do you want me to say something to him about leaving you alone?”  
   
“No,” he retaliated. “Don’t say anything to him…he hasn’t been bothering me at all. It’s your mother that’s been bothering me, Amanda.”  
   
She slowly looked at him. “Shit…that bad?”  
   
“Well….”  
   
“All right…start at the beginning and go slow.”  
   
Tommy’s mind was only able to register one thing, Adam’s comment about Amanda following through. “Amanda?”  
   
“What, babe?”  
   
“Did you tell your mother that she needed to butt out and let us make our own decisions?” He saw the look on her face and immediately knew his answer. “You promised…remember?”  
   
“I will, honey…I will…lay off, okay?”  
   


* * *

   
Adam and Amanda pretty much kept to themselves the entire way back. The flight was less than an hour, but it felt like ten. The bachelorette party weekend pretty much went as planned as far as Adam knew…except for Amanda taking things a little too far.  
   
From what Adam had been told, they’d all gotten drunk…all fifteen of the women that attended the weekend bash. But as far as Adam knew, Amanda was the only one to wake up in another man’s bed. And the sad part was, Amanda didn’t even try and deny it.  
   
Oh, she tried to justify it. “This was one of my last weekends as a bachelorette…” or “I was drunk and he was hot…” or “It was my last hurrah…” or “Tommy will never find out so what’s the big deal…” And the more excuses she gave, the more upset Adam got.  
   
Adam tried to blow it off, but he just couldn’t. As much as he wanted to let Amanda justify it to him, he couldn’t. He couldn’t shake the horrendous feeling in the pit of his stomach. And for the life of him, he didn’t know how to handle it. And because he didn’t know how to handle it, he didn’t talk about it. He couldn’t.  
   
Once they were finally back at the resort, Amanda pulled Adam aside. “Listen…about this weekend…it won’t go any further than us, right?”  
   
Adam shot her a disgusted look. “Right.”  
   
“God, man…what’s your fucking problem?”  
   
“Do you really need to ask?”  
   
Amanda’s face was flushed and appeared to be getting hotter by the second. “Like you’ve never cheated on anyone before.”  
   
Now Adam’s face was following suit. “I never said I didn’t cheat…but I will tell you this much…I know for a Goddamn fact that I won’t cheat on my fiancé just two weeks before I commit my undying love for him.” He shook his head. “That’s just wrong.”  
   
Amanda rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah…easy to say now but let’s see what happens when you finally do decide to settle down…IF you ever settle down. You’re a player too, Adam…so stop with the self-righteous shit.”  
   
Adam grabbed her arm and took a deep breath. “Listen, Amanda…being a player while you’re single is a little different than being a player when you’re engaged and getting married.”  
   
Amanda yanked her arm away. “So I was fucking horny…shoot me.”  
   
“It’s just like you to laugh this off, Amanda. You were so damn horny you couldn’t wait one day until you got home to your fiancé?”  
   
“Not that it's any of your business but I tried to do my fiancé before we left. I knew it would tide me over but he wouldn’t budge. I couldn’t get him to be man enough and fuck me!”  
   
 _Nice talk about your soon-to-be husband, bitch…._ Adam shook his head in disgust and heaved through a clenched jaw, “If you weren’t such a good friend, and if you weren’t a woman, I’d beat the shit out of you right now.”  
   
Amanda blew him off. “I haven’t had sex in over three months, Adam! Sorry…but I just couldn’t refuse the guy when he put his hands down my pants.”  
   
 _Three months?_  
   
Adam shook his head. “You’re pathetic.”  
   
“And you’re telling me that you would’ve been able to refuse him?”  
   
Adam swallowed hard. He’d refused Tommy. “Yeah, Amanda…that’s what I’m saying. Maybe you should’ve tried putting your _own_ hand down your pants…that does the trick for me.”  
   
Amanda’s eyes grew dim. “Yeah…maybe you’re right. But what’s done is done…can we just forget about it?”  
   
Adam didn’t know if he’d be able to do that or not. But at the same time, wasn’t what was going on with himself and Tommy along the same lines? True, they hadn’t actually had sex, but it wasn’t all that innocent either. “I’m not going to say anything to Tommy if that’s what you mean. You should be the one who does that.”  
   
Amanda looked at Adam like he was out of his mind. “I’m not telling him anything, Adam.”  
   
“Suit yourself, Amanda.”  
   
“You know,” Amanda huffed. “It’s his fault in the first place. He’s acting like he is the woman in this relationship. If he would’ve given me some before we left, I wouldn’t have caved so easily.”  
   
Adam brought his hands up to his head and rubbed his temples. He had a pounding headache, thanks to the idiot standing before him that he called “friend.” Letting out a perturbed laugh, he followed it up with a snort. “So now you’re going to shift the blame on to Tommy.”  
   
“Technically it is his fault. Three months, Adam…three months. That’s a long time not to get any, even for a girl.”  
   
“Have you ever thought that maybe there’s something else going on for him _not_ wanting to have sex for the past three months?”  
   
Amanda looked at him, confused. “He told me that he wanted it to be special on our wedding night.”  
   
Adam had to stifle his laughter on that one. “And you believed it?”  
   
“Why wouldn’t I?”  
   
“Doesn’t really matter, Amanda…three months isn't really that long.”  
   
She threw his arms up in the air. “Of course…being who you are you’ve probably never gone longer than what? A day or two?”  
   
Adam glanced over his shoulder to make sure no one was coming towards them. “I’ve gone longer than a day or two, Amanda. I haven’t had sex since Brad and I broke up almost a year ago.”  
   
Amanda was silent.  
   
“So see…it's possible, Amanda.”  
   
Amanda smacked him on the back. “What about Ted?”  
   
“What about him?”  
   
“You two haven’t fucked?”  
   
Adam thought back to the day that Tommy had his fitting and he’d gone back to Ted’s. That was about as close as they came to doing anything. “No, we haven’t.”  
   
Amanda’s head lurched back, her face contorted. “Wow…you sick or something?”  
   
“I won’t even comment on that question. You know me better than that.”  
   
Amanda cocked her head. “Do I?” he asked, scratching her temple to appear as if she were thinking.  
   
 “I’ll catch you later,” Adam said, turning to leave.  
   
Amanda reached out and grabbed his arm. “You aren’t going to say anything to Tommy about this weekend, right?”  
   
Adam simply shook his head and walked away. If there was anything to be said it should be said to Amanda, but once again, it wasn’t his place to say anything. Or was it?  
   
When he walked further down the path, he noticed Tommy heading towards him in the opposite direction. Looking at him, Adam felt sorry for Tommy. In more ways than one. He needed to wake up and see what he was about to do. But sadly, it didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon.  
   
“Hi, Adam…beautiful day we’re having, isn’t it?” Tommy said, stopping when he was just in front of him.  
   
He looked up and smiled. “Yep, sure is.” He continued walking past Tommy, trying his best to ignore his feelings.  
   
“Hey, Adam?”  
   
Adam had two choices. Ignore Tommy and continue on or stop and ignore his own feelings. Either way…he lost. “Yeah?”  
   
“Is something wrong?”  
   
“Nope…why?” he lied, turning to Tommy.  
   
Tommy shrugged. “I don’t know…you’re usually more talkative, I guess.”  
   
He took a deep breath, keeping his eyes fixed on Tommy’s. “Not much to say anymore, Tommy.”  
   
Tommy looked confused when he acknowledged Adam’s comment with a slight nod. Adam was throwing him for a loop this time and he knew it. Adam took a few steps closer to him and smiled. “I’m pretty much talked out…between you and now Amanda…I don’t have much more to say.” He held Tommy’s gaze. “Unless there’s something you wanted to say to me.”  
   
Tommy raised his eyebrows. “No…not really.”  
   
His eyebrows rose back. “You sure?”  
   
Tommy nodded.  
   
“Okay then…if you ever have anything to say…you know where to find me, right?”  
   
Tommy nodded again.  
   
Adam smiled and turned around. “Catch you later.”  
   
“Adam?”  
   
He smiled before turning around to face Tommy again. Maybe ignoring him was his best course of action. “Decided to talk after all?”  
   
Tommy gave him a smart-ass look, narrowing his eyes. “Just wondering how your trip went.”  
   
 _You’ll talk about anything else besides us…won’t you?_ Taking a deep breath, he simply shrugged. “You’d have to ask Amanda that one…see ya.” When he turned around again, he shook his head.  
   
“Adam?”  
   
 _You want to talk…you just don’t know what to say._ He stopped again, refusing to turn around. “Yeah?”  
   
“You made sure Amanda kept out of trouble, right?”  
   
“I’m not her keeper, Tommy,” he replied softly. “I’ll catch you later.”  
   
Adam was pretty proud of himself for that one. Maybe Tommy’d think about that one for a while. He wasn’t going to be the one to tell Tommy that his fiancée was an ass over the weekend. But on the other hand, maybe he if he threw out a few hints here and there, Tommy’d figure it out himself.  
   
Then again, maybe not.  
   
“Adam?”  
   
Stopping, he placed his hands on his hips before turning around. “Yeah, Tommy?”  
   
“Why are you getting all pissed off?” he asked, throwing his hands up in the air. “Am I bothering you or something?”  
   
He shook his head. “Not at all.”  
   
“Have you seen Amanda?”  
   
Adam pointed back towards where he came from. “Just left her a few minutes ago.”  
   
“Thanks,” Tommy replied, shooting him a sarcastic look. They both stood there for a few seconds before he finally turned around and walked away.  
   
“Hey, Tommy!”  
   
He stopped.  
   
“Time is running out.”  
   
Tommy’s head flew around. “What?”  
   
“You heard me,” Adam yelled over his shoulder, making his way back to his room.

 

  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eighth album.

Tommy was finding it more and more difficult to breathe as the days went on. He wasn’t sure if it was the ninety-degree weather combined with the humidity outside or whether it was because the wedding was only a week away.  
   
Either way, he felt like he was constantly gasping for air.  
Walking out of his bedroom in his tux, his mother gasped. “Tommy…you look absolutely beautiful.” Her lips pursed together tightly. “I wish your father could see you right now.”  
   
Tommy smiled and walked towards his mother. Putting his arms around her, he pulled her in close. “He can see me, mom…I know he can.”  
   
“He would’ve been so proud of you, sweetheart.”  
   
Tommy cringed. He wasn’t proud of himself…at all. He was having serious doubts about everything and anything. He told himself that it was only normal though, being that the wedding was so close. He refused to believe anything different. As far as he was concerned, every groom probably went through the same thing.  
   
“Mom, remember that album I was writing?”  
   
His mother was straightening his tux. “Yes.”  
   
“Well, I finally finished it.”  
   
“You did, honey?” She stopped and stood up straight. “That’s great…are you going to start sending it to producers?”  
   
Tommy frowned. “I don’t know, mom. I mean…I’ll use my pseudonym and everything…but what happens if it really gets recorded?”  
   
His mother smiled, patting his back. “Then you did good, honey.”  
   
“But what about Amanda?”  
   
“I wish you would stop worrying so much about that. Why is she so against it anyway? She should be proud of you, sweetheart.”  
   
Tommy turned to his mother who was now standing behind him. “I think so too…but it won’t happen.”  
   
“What does Adam have to say about all of this?”  
   
“He thinks Amanda should be proud too.”  
   
“Well, dear,” she replied casually. “He’s right but why don’t you worry about that bridge when you’re ready to cross it. You said yourself that it could take up to a year to even hear anything back from these producers. Maybe by then she’ll lighten up a bit.”  
   
“Yeah…maybe you’re right.” But deep in his heart, he knew Amanda would never lighten up about it. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, he grabbed his mother’s hands. “Mom, can I ask you something?”  
   
“Sure, sweetheart.”  
   
Tommy dropped his hands and walked into his bedroom while his mother followed. Taking off his tux, he hung it up immediately and put his casual clothes back on. “How’d you know that dad was the right one for you?”  
   
She smiled. “I just did, honey…just like you knew it with Amanda.”  
   
Tommy cringed, rubbing his face with his hands. “That’s just it, mom…I’m not so sure that I know it.”  
   
His mother grabbed one of his hands off his face. “Honey…you’re having wedding jitters, that’s all.”  
   
He shook his head. “I don’t think that’s it, mom…I really don’t. I mean…I love Amanda…but I don’t know if I’m _in love_ with her. Does that make any sense?”  
   
She squeezed his hand. “Honey…what’s going on?”  
   
Tommy couldn’t help but cry. He’d been holding back the tears for quite some time now and there would be no stopping them now. “I’m just not so sure about all of this now.”  
   
“Honey…” she trailed, taking a deep breath. “Does your heart skip a beat when you look at her?”  
   
“Not really.”  
   
“How about when she comes back from a long trip? Are you excited to see her?”  
   
Tommy looked up at her and shook his head. “No.”  
   
She let go of her son’s hand and pulled him in for a long, warm hug. “Tommy, dear…that’s not a good sign.”  
   
“Did you feel that way with dad?”  
   
“Yes, I did,” his mother whispered. “I loved that man more than life itself and I felt that way about him for the entire forty years we were married.”  
   
Tommy smiled, hearing those words from his mother. “Yeah…he was a good man.” He pulled himself out of the hug and sat down on the bed. “Amanda’s a good woman too. And one day, she’ll be an excellent mother, I know that.”  
   
She interjected, “Yes, honey…she is a good girl and you’re right, she’ll be a good mother too. But that doesn’t make her a wonderful wife…does it?”  
   
“Her family doesn’t help matters either.”  
   
“Well…just remember that when you marry someone, you marry their family too.”  
   
Tommy instantly thought of Adam and his family. He’d only met them a dozen times or so, but they all seemed so nice and down to earth, especially his mother. His thoughts turned to Amanda and her family. He couldn’t really say one nice thing about any of them, siblings included. Money was everything to them.  
   
“Honey…is there something you’re not telling me?” She asked, sitting beside her son on the bed.  
   
Tommy shook his head.  
   
“Are you sure?”  
   
He nodded. “It’s probably just wedding jitters, that’s all.”  
   
“Does your heart skip a beat when you look at Adam?”  
   
Tommy’s head shot up, lurching towards his mother. “Why would you ask me that?”  
   
His mother simply dropped his head.  
   
“Did he say something to you?”  
   
Slowly, she raised her head and looked at her son. “He didn’t have to. Neither one of you have to say anything. It’s obvious.”  
   
Tommy’s eyes widened. “What’s obvious?”  
   
“I’ve only been here for a week, Tommy and I’ve noticed something between you two.” She let out a little laugh, but remained serious. “Every time he’s walked into a room that we’ve been in…I can see it in your eyes, your actions…everything.”  
   
“Mom,” Tommy retorted. “He’s one of my best friends.”  
   
His mother shook her head. “Best friends don’t look at each other the way you two look at each other. You both aren’t doing a very good job of hiding whatever it is that’s going on with you two.”  
   
Tommy shot up from the bed. “Nothing is going on with us!”  
   
She followed suit, jumping up from the bed. “Are you both in denial? Or is it just you, honey?” Taking her time, she walked towards the door. “You can stand here and deny it all you want…both of you can for that matter…but are you going to be able to deny it for the rest of your life? If there’s something there, Tommy…” she trailed, stopping at the door and turning around. “You owe it to yourself, Adam and Amanda to try and figure out what it is…and you need to do it before you walk down the aisle…not after.”  
   
“We’re just friends! I’m not gay!”  
   
“Maybe that’s all you think it is, Tommy. But I highly doubt Adam believes that.” She shook her head and frowned. “I can see it in his eyes, honey and right now,” she said, pointing towards her son. “I can see it in your eyes.”  
   
“Oh damn, mom!” he huffed, grabbing his wallet off the nightstand. “I’ve got to meet everyone at the nightclub…I’ll catch you later.”  
   
When Tommy walked past his mother, he was stopped. “Drinking isn’t going to change the way you feel. Neither will fifty years of being married to the wrong person.”  
   
Tommy yanked his arm free. “Why are you and Adam doing this to me? Why!? Why didn’t you say anything to me a year ago? Why did everyone wait until the last minute before they said anything? WHY?”  
   
She stepped back. “You never asked me for my advice until now, sweetheart.”  
   
Tommy moaned loudly, showing his discomfort. “You could’ve said something.”  
   
“You wouldn’t have listened then,” his mother replied. “Just like you probably won’t listen now.”  
   
“I’ve gotta go.” With that said, Tommy stomped his way past his mother and out the front door.  
   
**********  
   
Sitting at the poolside bar, Tommy lit his cigarette. He was already having a hard time, breathing, and figured he might as well make it worse. At least the cigarette would calm his nerves. He still had a good half hour before he needed to head to the nightclub. A good half hour to drown his sorrows and get himself drunk.  
   
And drunk was exactly what he needed to be if he had to spend a whole evening with Adam and Ted. Kissy-face Adam and Ted.  
   
Feeling someone lean over and kiss his cheek, he turned around. “Oh hi, honey.”  
   
“What’s going on? I’ve been trying to track you down all day.”  
   
He exhaled slowly. “Not much…just been thinking, that’s all.”  
   
Amanda sat down beside him. “About what?”  
   
“Life.”  
   
She ordered a drink and frowned at his hand. “You know…if my mom catches you smoking…”  
   
Tommy put out his cigarette and sighed loudly. “I know. I know…she’ll have a conniption.” He turned to Amanda and zoned out. _Aren’t you going to ask me to elaborate on what I meant when I said ‘life’?_  
   
Amanda got up. “Try and be a little more discreet about it, okay? I don’t feel like hearing her lecture me or you on the pitfalls of smoking.” She kissed him on the lips. “I gotta run…we’re still on for tonight, right?”  
   
 _Evidently you don’t care…_ He took a deep breath and smiled. “Yeah…we're all meeting at the nightclub in a half hour."  
   
Tommy lit another cigarette just as soon as Amanda rounded the corner. He didn’t really care if Anne saw him or not right now. For the first time in a long time, it dawned on him that Amanda didn’t care what was going on with him. She seriously did not give a shit. Was she always like that?  
   
Was he so blinded by stupidity that he never noticed? If she didn’t care now…would she care in fifty years from now?  
   
“Mind if I join you?”  
   
Startled, Tommy jumped, turning around to see Adam standing next to him. “Not at all.” He smiled and patted the stool next to him. “Just don’t lecture me about smoking.”  
   
“Wouldn’t think of it,” he replied, taking a seat. “You know that they’re bad for you…you know that your teeth discolor from them…you know that you stink…”  
   
He threw up his hand in disgust. It wasn’t funny tonight. Nothing was funny tonight. “Back off, Lambert…I’m sure you have a few habits that aren’t too good for you either.”  
   
“Like?”  
   
“Like…” he trailed, searching for something. “Wearing skirts in public.”  
   
“Ouch…that wasn’t very nice.”  
   
“Neither was the fucking skirt, Adam.”  
   
He laughed out loud. “It was a kilt, not a skirt. Can’t think of one bad habit, can you?”  
   
Tommy shook his head back and forth, waving his hand in the air. “When I can think of one, I’ll let you know.”  
   
Adam leaned on the counter. “Is something wrong?”  
   
Tommy looked at him and noticed the concern. “No…just thinking, that’s all.”  
   
“About what?”  
   
Tommy sighed. “Life.”  
   
Adam ordered a drink and then turned his stool so that he was facing Tommy. “You want to elaborate on that?”  
   
Tommy’s head whipped around. He was surprised by Adam’s question. It was what he had hoped that Amanda would ask, but never did. “You really want to hear it?”  
   
He nodded. “Of course…problems with Anne again?”  
   
“Actually, no. More like problems with my mother.”  
   
Adam took a swig of his beer. “What happened with your mother?”  
   
“Nothing really,” Tommy confirmed. “She’s just butting her nose in where it doesn’t belong.”  
   
He laughed. “Hey…that’s what mothers are for.”  
   
“I guess,” he moaned. “Obviously, best friends are good for that too.” Adam stopped laughing almost immediately. Tommy turned his way instantly to try and smooth over his last comment. When his eyes settled on Adam’s, his heart dropped. The way Adam was looking at him almost made him cry.  
   
Adam looked hurt and upset.  
He looked like he’d been slapped in the face.  
He looked like a man whose heart had just been broken.  
   
Tommy fought to hold back the tears. He was confused, scared and lonely and when Adam’s lips finally turned up in a smile, his heart ached. He wanted to reach out and touch Adam, tell him that he loved him. He _did_ love him. But he couldn’t love him…he wouldn’t put himself through the torture.  
   
Why didn’t he see it sooner?  
   
“What’s going through your mind, Tommy? You look like you have about a hundred different things jumbled in there.”  
   
Tommy nervously laughed. “I do.”  
   
“Well…talk to me about some of them…maybe it’ll help clear your mind.” Tommy’s hand was resting on his knee and when Adam put his hand on top of his, Tommy closed his eyes. “But…if you keep drinking, that’ll help too.”  
   
Tommy laughed. “You’re crazy.”  
   
“So I’ve been told.”  
   
He slowly opened his eyes, but kept his head down. “So how are things going with Ted?”  
   
“They’re going.”  
   
Tommy swallowed his pride. “Is this going to lead to something after you leave?”  
   
Adam shrugged. “Who’s to say…I’m hoping that someone else will be in my life at that point.”  
   
Tommy froze.  
Was Adam referring to him?  
   
“Why would you lead him on then, Adam?” he asked, lifting his gaze to meet Adam’s.  
   
“I’m not leading him on…this thing we’ve got going on really hasn’t gone anywhere. We’ve kissed and that’s it.”  
   
Tommy was stunned for a moment. His head lurched forward. “That’s it?”  
   
Adam nodded. “That’s it. I’m not interested in a sexual relationship at this point with him. I was kinda hoping that the other person I want to be in my life would be able to fulfill that need for me.” Adam looked at him seriously and shrugged. “So…I’ll wait and see what this other person wants to do.”  
   
Tommy knew Adam was referring to him. Hell, he really knew it all along, Adam didn’t need to say it was him, Tommy knew it. The way Adam was phrasing the words and the way he looked at him said it all.  
   
He looked down at their hands that were still touching. “And what if this other person doesn’t pan out…then what?”  
   
Adam removed his hand and stood up to leave. “I can’t think about that now…I haven’t given up on him yet.”  
   
**********  
   
As much as he was dreading the inevitable, Tommy got himself up and off the bar stool and slowly made his way to the nightclub, alone. He knew it was going to be uncomfortable being there with everything that had happened in last six weeks, but he couldn’t bow out.  
   
What he really needed to do was to finally put an end to this game he was playing. Not that he really considered it to be a game, but it was something he needed to do so he could get on with his life.  
   
Taking a seat at the table, he smiled at Adam and Ted. “Hi, honey,” he said, turning to Amanda. “Sorry I was late.”  
   
“Yeah,” Amanda replied. “I was beginning to wonder if you met up with some gorgeous stranger back there at the bar and forgot about me.”  
   
Tommy gulped. How did she know? “No, not quite.” When he nervously turned to Adam, Tommy noticed him playing with his beer bottle, either completely oblivious or completely ignoring their conversation.  
   
“They weren’t quite as gorgeous as me, right?” Amanda playfully asked.  
   
He let out a nervous laugh, unable to answer the question.  
   
It was karaoke night at the nightclub and for over an hour, they all sat back and listened to the people who were drunk enough to get up and sing. Most of them were making complete asses out of themselves, but it didn’t matter. Everyone was there to have a good time and the place was packed.  
   
Amanda kept trying to push Tommy up on stage, but there was no way in hell he was about to do that. They’d all had quite a bit to drink in the hour that passed and the atmosphere was relaxed for the most part. Tommy did notice though that Adam never once made eye contact with him. Adam was obviously avoiding him and if truth be told, he was trying his hardest to avoid Adam too.  
   
“Amanda…stop trying to push me up there…I said I’m not going and I mean it!” Tommy removed her hand that was around his neck and pushed it away.  
   
“Ah, come on…don’t be such a chicken shit!”  
   
Tommy was getting aggravated just by the sight of her. He pointed to himself and used his best sarcastic voice, “Me? I’m a chicken shit?” He shook his head and pointed to him. “You’re the chicken shit, not me.”  
   
Amanda lurched her head forward and took his finger in her mouth, biting it. “Why am I a chicken? I’ll get up there and sing…no problem.”  
   
“I have no question you’d do that,” he replied, "You love being in the spotlight."  
   
Adam finally acknowledged Tommy when he laughed loudly.  
   
Amanda shot Adam a playful look. “Oh shut up…Mr. ‘I'm a Rock Star’ Lambert…you are as guilty as I am in that regard.”  
   
Adam shrugged. “I never tried to hide it, Amanda.”  
   
Tommy cleared his throat; they were getting off the topic that was originally at hand. “You’re a chicken shit because you won’t stand up to your mother!”  
   
He knew he probably shouldn’t say anything…but did anyway. He had too much to drink and really didn’t care who knew he was pissed because he was pissed. He was pissed at just about everything and everyone.  
   
“Oh…is that right?” Amanda asked, loudly placing her martini down on the table.  
   
Tommy looked over at her and laughed. “That’s right, Amanda…lemme ask you something…did you ever put your foot down about our honeymoon?” He rolled his eyes. “Or are we still going to God-knows-where?”  
   
Amanda groaned.  
   
“That’s what I thought.”  
   
Amanda leaned towards him, lowering her voice. “I promised you I’d say something and I will…just don’t bring out our personal shit here.” She looked over to the others and nodded her head their way. “Adam and Ted don’t want to hear our shit…do you, guys?”  
   
Ted smiled. “Sure we do…what else can you bitch her out for, Tommy?”  
   
Adam laughed and then pointed to the stage. “Shhhh guys…he’s about to start singing.”  
   
Everyone turned his or her attention towards the three-hundred-pound man who was now on stage belting out a Michael Jackson tune. It was horrible and funny at the same time; the man’s low voice just wasn’t doing the trick. Everyone was doing his or her best not to laugh, but it was no use. The entire crowd was booing him.  
   
Ted suddenly excused himself and came back seconds later with a listing of all the karaoke songs the DJ had. He tossed it to Amanda and smiled. “You keep trying to push your fiancé up there, Amanda, so I thought maybe you’d like to do the honors first.”  
   
Amanda shot him a look, grabbing the book. Quickly, she started flipping through the pages. “Hey…isn’t that one of your songs?” he asked, sliding the book across the table to Adam.  
   
Adam looked in the book and laughed. “Well, yeah…dumb ass…it says Adam Lambert right next to it.” He pushed the book back to Amanda.  
   
“Don’t be calling me no dumb ass, you…you…you…Freddie Mercury wanna-be.”  
   
Everyone “oohed” and “aahed” at Amanda’s remark and turned to Adam, waiting for his comeback.  
   
“I don't know whether I should laugh or slap you," Adam said, letting out a little laugh.  
   
Laughing felt good. When the whole table erupted with laughter, Tommy had to smile. This was what old times used to be like.  
   
Amanda pushed the book back. “Put your money where your mouth is…get up there and sing."  
   
Adam pushed the book back to Amanda, frowning. “I don't feel like singing...besides, I'll probably sing off-key and knowing my luck, some tabloid will catch wind of it and claim that I've been lip-synching for the past few years and that I really can't sing."  
   
Amanda looked around the nightclub. “There ain’t any tabloid people here…nice try.”  
   
“You can never be too sure,” Adam replied bluntly.  
   
Ted turned to Adam, smiling. “Ah...come on, honey." He leaned over and gave Adam a kiss on the cheek.  
   
Adam stared at Ted for a moment before finally grabbing the book back. “Let me pick one out of here and then maybe…just maybe…I’ll bless you guys with my voice.”  
   
Amanda grunted, “Oh God…here we go.”  
   
Adam searched through the book for what seemed like an eternity. Suddenly, he looked directly at Tommy for the first time that night and smiled. “I’ve got the perfect song…and you’re all in luck…it’s an Adam Lambert song.”  
   
 _Shit…_ That didn’t sound too good as far as Tommy was concerned.  
   
“Aren’t we just so lucky, boys?” Amanda was making faces at everyone and batting her eyelashes.  
   
Adam got up from the table. Walking over to the DJ, he handed him the book back and made his way on stage. Once he cleared his throat, he held the microphone to his mouth. “Hey…this will be a first for me…I'm here without my band.” He took a seat on a stool and smiled.  
   
Amanda and Ted went nuts, screaming and chanting… “GO ADAM…GO ADAM!!” Tommy remained silent, scared of what was to come next.  
   
When the music started, the place fell silent. It didn’t do that for the other people who sang, but for Adam it did. It might have been out of respect for him, but no one could say. He pretty much went unrecognized the whole trip, so whether or not these people actually knew who he was, was a mystery.  
   
 _It's late at night, and I can't sleep  
Missing you just runs too deep  
Oh I can't breathe, thinking of your smile  
Every kiss I can't forget  
This aching heart ain't broken yet  
Oh God, I wish I could make you see _  
   
Tommy dropped his head. This was hitting way too close to home and it was making him extremely uncomfortable. He couldn’t look at Adam. So instead, he reached over and grabbed Amanda’s hand, trying his best to smile.  
   
Unfortunately, he could still hear the words though. Even without looking at Adam, he knew Adam was singing it to him. Closing his eyes, he listened to the words, willing himself not to show any emotion in his face.  
 

 _'Cause I know this flame isn't dying  
So nothing can stop me from trying  
Baby you know that maybe it's time for miracles  
'Cause I ain't giving up on love  
You know that maybe it's time for miracles  
'Cause I ain't giving up on love  
No, I ain't giving up on us  
I just want to be with you  
'Cause living is so hard to do  
When all I know is trapped inside your eyes _  
   
Tommy fought it for as long as could. But when it became useless to even try, he looked up on the stage and inwardly cringed when he noticed that Adam was still staring directly at him, belting out the words just as clear as day.  
   
_The future I cannot forget  
This aching heart ain't broken yet  
Oh God I wish I could make you see  
'Cause I know this flame isn't dying  
So nothing can stop me from trying _  
   
_Baby can you feel it coming?  
You know I can hear it, hear every soul  
Baby, when you feel me feeling you  
You know it's time_  
   
It was so obvious that it scared the living hell out of him. He wondered whether or not Amanda and Ted noticed it too, but honestly, he really didn’t know how they couldn’t notice it.  
   
The place erupted in applause and screams; “It’s about time someone had a decent voice around here!”  
   
When Adam took his seat, he looked directly at Tommy, never missing a beat. His eyes bore deeply into Tommy's and out of the corner of his eye, Tommy could tell that Ted was staring at him too.  
   
Adam finally pried his eyes away, turning to Ted. “So…what’d ya think? Was I as good as the last time you saw me live?”  
   
Ted didn’t smile or say a word.  
Tommy knew in that instant that Ted knew Adam sang the song to him.  
   
Amanda laughed, slamming back her drink. “Oh, I don’t know, Adam…I’m thinking you probably shouldn’t give up your day job.”  
   
Adam rolled his eyes, turning to Tommy. “So…you want to get up there and sing a song too or what?”  
   
Suddenly, Ted stood up and shoved his chair in. “Oh my God…I’m out of here.”  
   
Amanda looked at everyone, confused. “What? Was it something I said?”  
   
Ted snorted, “No…it was something Adam sang, bitch. Couldn’t you tell he was singing it to your fiancé?”  
   
Amanda laughed loudly, letting her head fall back. “Yeah…right.”  
   
“I’m serious, Amanda.” Ted turned to leave and then stopped and looked back at Tommy. “Now this all makes sense to me…” He looked over at Adam, shaking his head. “No wonder you never made a move on me…you’re in love with him!” he huffed, pointing a finger at Tommy.  
   
He stomped out, leaving everyone in silence.  
   
When Tommy started to get up, Adam pointed to his seat. “Don’t go after him.”  
   
“But…he…”  
   
“But nothing, Tommy…just don’t go after him.”  
   
Amanda looked at Tommy and then back to Adam, laughing. “He was kidding about you being in love with Tommy, right?”  
   
Adam didn’t move or say a word.  
He was staring at Tommy.  
   
Amanda turned to Tommy. “Tommy, he was kidding, right?”  
   
Tommy didn’t move or say a word either.  
He was staring at Adam.  
   
“Okay, guys…I get it now…this is a BIG joke right? Ha Ha…joke’s on me.”  
   
Tommy nervously looked over at Amanda. His eyes were huge. “That’s right, honey…a big joke.”  
   
Adam got up from his seat hastily. “If you don’t do something soon, Tommy…it will be too late. Goodnight.”  
   


* * *

   
It was now or never. Now or never. It was now that he had to admit to himself and Amanda that he was in love with Adam or it was never to be spoken of or thought of again.  
   
Deep down, Tommy already knew what his choice was. It was now. He couldn’t live a lie for the next fifty or so years of his life. It wouldn’t be fair to him, Adam and especially Amanda. He couldn’t live his life married to a woman but in love with a man. He just couldn’t do that.  
   
The darkness of the night gave Tommy an eerie feeling as he and Amanda headed back to his room. It was too quiet and it left his mind racing in all different directions. He needed to call the wedding off.  
   
If he wasn’t sure of that before, he was sure of that now. He loved Adam. If he didn’t make this right, he could lose him forever.  
   
Tommy just knew how upset Amanda was going to be. It wasn’t going to go over well. And with the wedding in less than a week, her parents - especially her mother - would probably be so upset…she’d sue him or something.  
   
He should never have waited this long. Tommy should have said something weeks ago. With the guests starting to arrive now, this whole thing was going to be nothing short of a giant nightmare. A nightmare he created.  
   
Once they got to his room, Tommy took a deep breath and asked Amanda to come in for a minute. When he shut the door, he grabbed Amanda's hand and walked over to the couch.  
   
Amanda sat down. “Is something wrong, Tommy? You haven’t said one word the entire way back here.”  
   
Tommy looked down at their hands. “Yes…something is wrong. And…and…and I’m going to try and make it right now.”  
   
Amanda squeezed his hand. “What is it? And please don’t tell me it’s about my mother. I said I would say something and I will…just stop nagging me because…”  
   
He pulled his hand from hers and slipped the ring Amanda had given him as a gift off his hand, stopping her words dead in their tracks. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.  
   
“What are you doing?”  
   
Amanda watched him the entire time, her eyes wide. Taking her hand, Tommy opened her palm and placed the ring inside it. “I can’t marry you, Amanda…I’m sorry.”  
   
She looked at him. “You’re kidding, right?”  
   
He shook his head. “No, I’m not.”  
   
She sat there, silent, for a few minutes before standing to her feet and placing her hands on her hips. “Is this about me sleeping with that guy at the bachelorette party?”  
   
Tommy was dumbfounded. “What?”  
   
“It is, isn’t it? Adam fucking told you about that guy, didn’t he?”  
   
He looked at her with horror in his eyes. He didn’t know what the hell she was talking about. “You slept with someone else?”  
   
Amanda paced around the room. “Oh, don’t play games with me…you already knew I fucked someone else…Adam told you so stop acting like you don’t know what I’m talking about.”  
   
Tommy couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone had a noose around his neck and it was tightening at a rapid speed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Amanda,” he cried out, gasping for air. “Adam didn’t tell me anything.”  
   
She turned around. “Then who the hell did?”  
   
“You just did.”  
   
She glared at him, scrunching up her face in disbelief. “You didn’t know?”  
   
He shook his head.  
   
“Then why the hell would you call off the wedding?”  
   
Tommy stood up and realized that he could barely stand. He was shaking so badly that he needed to sit back down before he collapsed. Sitting down, he took a deep breath and tried to evaluate everything that’d just happened. Amanda cheated on him. Amanda cheated on him. Amanda cheated on him.  
   
And Adam knew.  
And he didn’t tell him.  
   
Taking a deep breath, he placed his hand over her heart to make sure he could feel it beating. “Because I don’t love you the way I should…I’m sorry.”  
   
Amanda grunted loudly, heading towards the front door. Swinging it open, it hit the closet doors hard. She proceeded to slam it shut and then swung it open again. She did this three more times before Tommy couldn’t take it anymore.  
   
“Why do you keep doing that?”  
   
She slammed the door shut. “Because I’m fucking pissed…that’s why. Why the hell did you ask me to marry you then…huh? If you didn’t love me then why did you keep telling me that you did?”  
   
“Because…because…because…”  
   
“BECAUSE WHY?” she screamed.  
   
He couldn’t answer her. The noose was way too tight now. He started gasping for air. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Amanda walked over to him and started to shake him. “Breathe, damnit!”  
   
When Tommy finally had enough air in his lungs to function, he pushed her away. “Get the hell away from me!”  
Amanda let go of him for only a second before grabbing him again. “WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING TELL ME YOU DIDN’T LOVE ME?”  
   
Tommy noticed Adam immediately. He walked into the living room and tried to create some distance between Tommy and her. “Calm down, Amanda…hurting him is not the answer.”  
   
“Fuck off, Adam!”  
   
Adam grabbed her and shoved her on the couch. “Don’t ever touch him again…do you hear me?”  
   
Amanda glared at her through the tears and anger. “I don’t want to touch him…don’t worry about your precious Tommy!” She looked at Tommy and then back to Adam. “You fucking were singing that Goddamn song to him…weren’t you?”  
   
Adam didn’t answer her.  
Neither did Tommy.  
   
“Oh my God…why didn’t I see this before?” Amanda stood up and shoved Adam hard. “You fucking love him, don’t you?”  
   
After Adam regained his balance, he walked over to Amanda. He stood tall in front of her. “Yes, Amanda…I love him.”  
   
Amanda opened her hand and scratched Adam's face with her long nails.  
Blood oozed from Adam's skin.  
   
“Oh shit!” Tommy pushed Amanda toward the door. “Get out of here NOW!”  
   
Amanda started laughing in a tone that made him cringe. “I can’t fucking believe this. My best friend and my fiancé have been fucking right underneath my own nose and I didn’t even know it.”  
   
Tommy turned to her. “We aren’t...”  
   
“Yeah…you’re probably right, Tommy…you don't fuck.” Amanda turned to walk away again before stopping. “You're a fucking queer after all.”  
   
"Don't answer the bitch, Tommy," Adam marched toward the door. “Get your things and let’s go, Tommy…NOW!”  
   
Tommy walked out totally in shock. He never meant for this to happen…not in a million years. Now, Amanda and Adam hated each other and it was all his fault. It was all his fault that he fell in love with someone he never should have. It was entirely all his fault. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It just wasn’t.  
   
Walking towards Adam, he turned back to Amanda one last time. “I’m sorry, Amanda…please believe me.”  
   
Adam grabbed his arm and pulled Tommy to him. “Forget it.” He looked at what Tommy had in his hand and brought his gaze to Tommy's. “Where’s your laptop?”  
   
Tommy really didn’t care about his “dream” anymore. Amanda’s life was ruined. Adam’s life was ruined. Wasn’t it only fair that his life be ruined too? “It doesn’t matter…let’s go.”  
   
Adam stopped him. “Like hell it doesn’t matter. Go get it.”  
   
“I don’t care about the laptop, Adam!”  
   
He swung Tommy around by the arm. “Are you hearing what you’re saying? Go get the fucking laptop…now!”  
   
He dropped his duffel bag and mumbled. “Fine.”  
   
Amanda was still on the couch, stunned. “Why the hell is the laptop so important?”  
   
Adam walked over to her, resisting the urge to hit her. “Because if you really cared one iota about him, you would’ve known how important it was to him for you to be proud of him and his accomplishments.” He looked down at her and shook his head. “You make me sick.”  
   
When Tommy returned with the laptop in hand Adam threw open the door and practically shoved him out, never turning back. Walking down the hall and to his room, he reached for the doorknob, kicking the door open.  
   
“I’m sorry, Adam…I just need to be alone tonight.”  
   
Adam’s look told Tommy that he understood. “Where are you going to go?”  
   
“To my mom’s room.”  
   
“Are you going to be okay?”  
   
“Do I look like I’m going to be okay?”  
   
Adam shook his head. “Honestly? No, you don’t. I’ll walk you to your mom's.” He took Tommy's arm again and led him down the stairs. “In the morning…things will be better, I promise.”  
   
“Please don’t make any promises that you can’t keep.”  
   
When they got to his mother’s room, Adam placed all Tommy's items down on the ground. He pulled Tommy close to him and hugged him tightly; “I’ll see you in the morning.” He kissed Tommy's forehead and whispered, “And I never make promises that I can’t keep.”  
   


* * *

   
The next morning, Adam made his way to Tommy and his mom's room in a completely sober state. He was physically tired and mentally exhausted. After the fiasco with Amanda was over, Anne decided to stir up even more shit. She greeted him within an hour of him making it back to his room.  
   
She wasn’t too happy with him and she had no qualms about making it known. She demanded to know what happened and when Adam tried to calmly explain everything to her, she went into a rage. It took him nearly two hours to explain the situation to her and in the end, she wanted him off the island and out of Amanda’s life.  
   
He didn’t blame her. He couldn’t. Falling in love with his best friend’s soon-to-be-husband didn’t sit well with him either. But he couldn’t help the way he was feeling and the way he had felt for months. As much as he tried, he couldn’t.  
   
It didn’t matter to Anne that Tommy was his friend first. It didn’t matter that her daughter was a whore and that she was too controlling…she was hell bent on someone paying and that someone was going to be either Tommy or Adam. Anne was so upset that she actually called her lawyer right there in Adam’s room.  
   
She was determined to make someone pay. Anne couldn’t understand that she was partially responsible for what had happened too. Adam couldn’t make her see that in the long run, it was better that it happened this way than if it would’ve happened after the marriage took place.  
   
And in the end, Adam took out his checkbook and handed her a signed, blank check.  
   
At first, she refused it…saying that Tommy was just as responsible as he was for the break-up and threatened to take it to the tabloids.  
   
When Adam blew her threat off, it just made things worse. He didn’t care what she said and to whom she said it. It wouldn’t tarnish his image any worse than any other fiasco he’d endured. If anything, it just made him stronger. Then when he ever so politely explained that to her…she saw red.  
   
That’s when Anne lost it and went off on him. She called him every name under the sun and just when Adam thought he’d heard and seen it all…she smacked him across the face.  
   
Adam finally had to take matters into his own hands. That’s when he forcefully had to restrain her and even went as far as threatening to take her to court for assault. That’s when it hit him. He wasn’t paying for anything. He grabbed his check out of her hand, laughing. “I’m not about to pay for anything, Anne…if anything, maybe this will teach you a lesson.”  
   
“Oh…we’ll see about that, Mr. Lambert.”  
   
“And just remember one thing, Anne…your daughter cheated on Tommy the weekend of the bachelorette party. I don’t know if you’re aware of that or not and seeing as how your husband has a mistress, I highly doubt you'd even care.” Adam let go of her arms and folded them in front of his chest. “But I think a judge would find it interesting…and seeing as how I know some witnesses to the event, your daughter doesn’t have a chance at trying to deny it.”  
   
He’d never seen a woman so mad in her entire life. When Anne finally stood to her feet, she damned him straight to Hell and verbally told him that she hoped he would drop dead within the month.  
   
When Adam knocked on the door, Tommy's mother asked who it was before opening it. He could tell by her eyes that she probably had about as much sleep as he did. None.  
   
“Hi, Adam,” She glanced over her shoulder back into the room. “Tommy’s really not up to seeing anyone right now.”  
   
Adam placed his hand on her shoulder. “I know…how’s he doing?”  
   
She stepped out in the hallway and quietly shut the door. “He’s not doing very good, honey. Anne was here first thing this morning.”  
   
Adam withdrew his hand and brought it to his head, raking it through his hair. “What’d she have to say?”  
   
“Well…I wouldn’t let her see Tommy, thank God. Tommy doesn’t need this right now…he’s pretty upset about the whole thing.” She rubbed her neck. “She threatened to sue Tommy for the money she’s spent on this wedding.”  
   
Adam shook his head. “Don’t worry about that…she’s just blowing hot air.”  
   
“Honey, listen…I don’t want you trying to pay her off. If she wants to sue us, let her. There isn’t much she can get anyway.”  
   
He opened his arms, pulling her into a hug. “She’s not going to sue anyone…I won’t let that happen.”  
   
Adam looked up when the door to the room slowly opened. When his eyes met Tommy’s, he tried to smile. He looked like hell. “Hey.”  
   
“Hey.”  
   
She stepped out of Adam’s embrace and turned to her son. “Adam came to see how you were doing.”  
   
“Oh.”  
   
She looked at Adam. “Why don’t you two go out on the balcony? I’m going to go and check us out…we’re leaving in a couple of hours.”  
   
Tommy nodded towards Adam and he walked through the door. Placing his arm around Tommy's mom before she left, he turned her around. “This really was for the best.”  
   
“I know that…it isn’t me you need to convince.”  
   
Adam shut the door and walked out on the balcony where Tommy was already standing. He was only dressed in his sweatpants. His make-up from the day before had left dark smudges under his eyes. His hair stood out in every direction and his fingernails were practically chewed down to the cuticle. He was a complete mess.  
   
No words were spoken as Adam leaned against the railing of the balcony. Tommy moved to the chair after a while and finally broke the silence. “Why didn’t you tell me about Amanda?”  
   
Adam wasn’t sure what he was talking about exactly. “Tell you what?”  
   
“That she cheated on me.”  
   
 _Oh that…_ Adam turned his back to the railing and leaned up against it. Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he looked at Tommy. He looked absolutely devastated…like he’d lost his best friend.  
   
He hadn’t lose his best friend though…didn’t he know that?  
   
“It wasn’t my business, Tommy.”  
   
Tommy looked at him and Adam saw sadness in his eyes. “Wasn’t your business?”  
   
He shook his head. “It wasn’t.”  
   
“How can you say that? You knew that my fiancée cheated on me and you didn’t think it was your business?”  
   
Adam shrugged. It wasn’t his business, not really. “Would it have made any difference if I had?”  
   
Tommy’s eyes widened. “Yes…” He shook his head then. “No…I don’t know, Adam…”  
   
“Would you have even believed me, Tommy?”  
   
Tommy remained quiet.  
   
“Or would you have thought that I was making it all up so that you would leave her and come to me?" Adam crouched down and placed his hands on Tommy's knees. “Would you have come to me then?”  
   
Tommy looked directly into his eyes and remained silent.  
   
“Would you have fallen into my bed then? To get back at Amanda?” Adam’s eyes started to tear. “That’s not what I wanted. I wanted you to choose me because you loved me not because you were hurt by your fiancée.”  
   
“But you never even gave me the chance, Adam…” he whispered.  
   
Adam stood up and walked back to the balcony. He turned to stare out at the scenery before him and willed himself not to break down. “I couldn’t afford to give you that chance…”  
   
Tommy stood up and walked over to the balcony. “You couldn’t afford to give me that chance? What kind of a friend are you anyway?”  
   
Adam turned slightly to look right at him. “A good friend.”  
   
“How can you say that?”  
   
“Because I know it’s true. Amanda was my friend too…and I didn’t think that by stepping into the middle of it that I would’ve been doing anyone any favors. It really wasn’t up to me to tell you.” Adam grabbed his hand. “I wanted her to tell you.”  
   
“She wasn’t going to tell me, Adam…you know that. I would’ve married her and you would’ve let me.” Tommy pulled his hand from Adam's, shaking his head. “Are you so wrapped up in this rock-star lifestyle now that even you have no more morals?”  
   
Adam was hurt. Tommy was assuming things about him now that weren’t true. “I don’t know, Tommy…what kind of morals do I have? I fell in love with someone who was engaged to be married. That isn’t really what I would call having good morals, would you?” He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. “But no matter what you think, I _was_ being a friend.” He placed his fist over his heart. “And when things calm down and everything is clearer to you…you’ll see just how good a friend I actually was.”  
   
Tommy couldn’t control his emotions anymore. The sadness surfaced in his face. Adam wanted nothing more than to reach out for him and embrace him. He loved Tommy. He wanted Tommy. He needed Tommy.  
   
Turning his back to Adam, Tommy tried to catch his breath. “What’s going to happen now?”  
   
“I’m going back to LA tonight.” Adam wanted to ask Tommy to come home with him, but he knew Tommy wouldn’t. Rather than risk the heartache of hearing Tommy refuse him, he didn’t ask. “I'm due back in the studio next month.”  
   
“And then what?”  
   
“Then I’ll probably take another break before the release of the album and then we're off to promote it and then the touring will start, I suppose.”  
   
Tommy turned to face him. Taking his hands, he rubbed his eyes. “I mean…I mean…what happens to us now?”  
   
Adam reached for him. Tommy backed up. “I don’t know, Tommy…that’s up to you.”  
   
What did Tommy want him to say?  
He couldn’t read Tommy's mind…  
   
“Oh.”  
   
Adam stepped up to Tommy and kissed his forehead. “I’ll wait, Tommy…however long it takes for you to realize what you want out of life, I’ll wait.”  
   
Adam turned and walked back in the room. Turning around, he noticed that Tommy didn’t move. Tommy didn’t make any move to stop him.  
   
Slowly, he headed out the door.  
  



	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is second guessing his choices, and he is not the only one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story title taken from Eloy's eight album.

Tommy was restless. Even in his sleep, he couldn’t get Adam out of his mind. One minute he’d be daydreaming about Adam, and the next minute he’d really be dreaming about him. And trying to keep himself busy didn’t help. He missed Adam and it had only been a week since leaving the island and leaving his old life behind.

As he packed his last box, he sat down on the floor and looked around. When it was all said and done, looking at what he’d packed, he really didn’t have that much. Most of what he had belonged to Amanda in the long run. His things were being moved back into his mother’s house for now. He needed to find a few gigs before he could get out on his own again.

Tommy laughed as he thought back about how Anne called him after only being back in town for twenty-four hours. She wanted Amanda’s things moved out immediately and Tommy whole-heartedly agreed with her.

After hanging up the phone with her, it was only a matter of an hour before a moving truck was there. Obviously they wanted Tommy out of their lives just as much as Tommy wanted to be out of their lives. Despite everything that had happened though, Tommy was a little sad about the whole thing. It felt like a chapter in his life was closing.

And an unknown new one was beginning.

Tommy went to the refrigerator and pulled out a beer. Opening the can, he hopped up on the counter and sat Indian style one last time. It was always a favorite position of his.

Hearing a knock at the door, Tommy remembered that his mother said that she might be stopping by. “It’s open – come in!”

The door opened slowly and Tommy gasped when he saw Adam peeking around the door. Adam smiled when he saw him and then shut the door behind him. Tommy was just about to hop down when Adam held up his hand. “I’ll come to you.”

He smiled. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

There was silence.  
And it seemed like an eternity.

“What’s going on?” Tommy asked.

Adam looked around the room. Surveying the situation, he chuckled. “Evidently nothing compared to you.”

Tommy glanced around the room too. “Yeah…just getting ready to move back home.”

“I can see that.” He walked around the room and counted the boxes out loud.

Fifteen boxes total. And out of those boxes, nine of them were filled with clothes and guitars. His life had been reduced to fifteen boxes…

When Adam came out of his bedroom, he smiled again. “So…I see Anne’s been here already.”

Tommy laughed. “What makes you say that? My lack of furniture?”

Adam nodded.

“Well, if I would’ve kept the bed, she probably would’ve taken me to court.” He shrugged. “It’s okay though…I didn’t want anything of theirs anyway.”

Adam jumped up on the countertop. He sat with his legs and feet dangling over the edge. “So…I’m thinking my place has enough room for all your things.”

What? Adam wasn’t just asking him to move in with him, was he? “I’m moving back home with my mom, Adam.”

Adam turned to him. “That’s fine…when you can’t take the home life anymore…you know where I am and don’t worry about the room – your fifteen boxes will hardly make a dent.”

Tommy slapped him on the arm. “Hey now…be nice. My whole life fits in just fifteen boxes…how sad is that?”

Adam laughed and turned back to looking at the boxes. “Your whole life isn’t in those boxes, Tommy…you know that.”

Tommy nodded. “It just feels that way right now.”

Adam titled his head when he looked at Tommy again. “So?”

“So what?”

He winked. “So when are you going to bite the bullet and ask me out?”

Tommy coughed and then peered at him. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, come on, Tommy…you know you want me.” Adam jumped down off the counter and then turned around. He reached for Tommy and pulled him to the edge of the counter so that he was standing in between Tommy’s legs that were now dangling from the edge. “It’s written all over your face.”

“Wipe that smug look off your face, dude…it’s not helping you out here at all.”

Adam ran his hand along his face and then smiled sweetly. “Better?”

Tommy shook his head.

Suddenly, Adam’s face became really serious. And just by the look, Tommy knew that Adam wasn’t going to wait around forever for Tommy to come to him. “We’ve known each other a long time, Tommy…how much longer am I gonna have to wait to claim what’s mine?”

Tommy snapped his head forward. “You want to claim me?”

Adam’s face didn’t show any emotion. “I want you…you want me…you’re available now…how much longer am I gonna have to wait? Fairy tales always have a happy ending, Tommy…always.”

While Tommy knew what Adam was saying was true, he also knew that this wasn’t a book that they were talking about. “This isn’t a book, Adam…it’s our lives,” He whispered.

“But it’s fairy tale, handsome…boy meets boy, boy likes boy, boy _wants_ boy…”

Tommy laughed. “I like how you stressed the word ‘wants’.”

Adam smiled. “I do want you…I think I’ve always wanted you.”

Tommy smiled back at him. He wanted Adam too. But was he ready? It had only been a week since his break-up with Amanda. That really wasn’t much time to try and sort through his feelings for Adam, was it?

Then again, he’d loved Adam for a long time. He’d just denied his feelings for Adam, but they were there. When he looked back up at Adam, he looked like he was trying to read Tommy’s mind.

“You need to stop thinking so much and just go with what your heart is telling you.” He placed his hand over Tommy’s heart. “Your heart already knows how you want this to play out…now you need to just let yourself…” His words were cut short by Tommy’s lips.

Adam was right. He was right. Deep down, Tommy knew he was right. Tommy’s heart knew it too. Now, he needed to let Adam know.

Adam’s mouth felt good. His lips were soft. His face was rough and Tommy loved how it scratched his face slightly as he moved. Tommy pulled back from their kiss and ran his hand along Adam’s chin and cheeks. “I love your face.”

He mumbled quietly, “You do, huh?”

“Yeah…I really really do.”

Adam brought his lips to Tommy’s again. His mouth opened wide as he took control of their kiss. Placing his hand on Tommy’s forehead, he pushed Tommy’s head back and zeroed in on his neck.

God, the butterflies in Tommy’s stomach were wild. He never had butterflies with Amanda, never. He wanted Adam in a way he’d never wanted anyone else before.

Lifting his arms up, Tommy asked Adam to help him take his shirt off. Together, they removed his shirt.

Adam moaned when he saw Tommy just sitting there, showing off his tattoos. Of course, Tommy still had his jeans on, but he didn’t care. He slid Tommy closer so that he was able to pick him up off the counter. Tommy’s legs were wrapped around his waist as they headed out of the living room.

Looking all around, Adam let out a little laugh. “You know…we could always go back to Lane’s place.”

“Lane’s?”

Adam looked at Tommy and placed another hot, wet kiss on his lips. “Yeah…she has a place here in Burbank and I’m staying there for the week.”

“Is she there?”

Adam looked at him wickedly. “No…we got the house all to ourselves and you should see the view of the garden from her tub in the bathroom…it’s incredible.” He placed Tommy down on the floor.

“You’ve been in her tub before?” Tommy put his hands on his hips. “With someone else?”

Adam stepped closer and put his mouth right up to Tommy’s ear. “You getting jealous on me again?”

“Maybe,” he whispered.

“Good. I like it when you’re jealous.” His mouth opened and he took in Tommy’s earlobe. Tommy moaned, closing his eyes and without any warning, Adam bent down and scooped him up in his arms. “Okay…I can’t wait until we get back to Lane’s house…so what’re we gonna do here?”

Tommy threw his head back and laughed. “What’s wrong, Adam?” He took his hand and rubbed it along his chest, moaning a little to get his point across.

“Oh God, Tommy…” Adam put him down. Crouching down, he brought his lips to Tommy’s nipple. Tommy arched his back and grabbed Adam’s head.

Without saying a word, Adam knew what Tommy wanted. And he gave Tommy just what he wanted.

“Adam…” Tommy’s head fell back and to the side. Opening his eyes, he looked at one of his boxes and instantly had an idea. “Adam…” He pulled his lips from Adam’s and walked over to one of the boxes. Opening it up, he started throwing all his clothes out into a huge pile.

“Tommy…what the hell are you doing?”

He laughed. “Making the wooden floor soft…it’ll be more comfortable then.”

Adam watched Tommy without saying a word and after he had the third box emptied, Adam pulled Tommy to him. “Okay…I think we’ll be okay now.” Their noses were touching. “Honestly…I don’t think we would’ve even noticed the wooden floor once we got going.”

“Don’t be saying that now…” Tommy rolled his eyes, frowning as he took a seat on the floor. “You are going to help me refold them all, right?”

Adam winked and pushed Tommy back against the clothes. “I might be too tired…”

Tommy grabbed his arm and pulled Adam down on top of him. “Then how about if I do all the work?” He licked his lips and winked. “That way you won’t be too tired to help fold.”

Adam answered him with a moan. Tommy smiled at Adam’s reaction and then frowned when he heard the doorbell ring.

Adam’s answer to that was another moan, followed by a sharp demand. “Don’t answer it…they’ll go away.”

 

Tommy got up and walked over to the door. “I’ve got to…it’s probably my mom. Just a minute,” he said, grabbing the closest shirt that was on the floor. He didn’t have the time to search through the mess for the shirt he’d put on that morning.

“Hi, mom.” Tommy opened the door and turned around to see what Adam was doing. He was still sitting in the same spot. Only now he had a couple pieces of clothing strategically located over his private parts. Tommy let out a little laugh and then turned back to his mom. “Adam’s here.”

His mom walked in. “Hi, Adam…I thought you were in LA.”

“I was…but I thought I’d come here and check on Tommy.” Adam didn’t move from his spot. He did sit up though and started grabbing the clothes to fold them, making it look like he was helping with the packing stages of Tommy’s move.

She turned around completely. “Oh, I see…” She shook her head at Tommy. “Is this how you pack, dear? By throwing everything out of your closets?”

Tommy looked at Adam. “Well…not really.”

“This place is an absolute mess…you’d better not think you’re gonna live this way once you move back home with me, young man.” She placed her purse down and then looked over at Tommy again. “And what’s with the outfit, dear? I thought you hated that shirt.”

Tommy looked himself over. He had his most hideous shirt on. “Oh…”

Adam burst out laughing. “Tommy, she’s right…what were you thinking, wearing that thing? I’m not going to go out in public with you if you insist on dressing that way.”

Tommy shot him a nasty look. “Oh, don’t worry…I won’t tarnish your reputation for being a hip dresser. In fact,” he lingered momentarily, scratching his head. “You can wear your skirts and I’ll wear my tux when we go out…how’s that sound?”

Adam winked at him. “Sounds good, honey.”

His mom’s head whipped around to Adam. “You wear skirts?”

“Once…only once…that I can remember,” he said earnestly. “I wore a damn kilt one time and I still haven’t been able to live it down.” He looked at Tommy, shooting him a disgusted look. “Thanks for reminding me yet again, honey.”

She swung around and looked at Tommy before looking at Adam again. “Honey? Are you two…” she pointed at them both and then shook her head. “Did I interrupt something here?” She grabbed her purse and walked towards the door, “Oh, never mind…I don’t want to know. Tommy…call me when you’re ready to move your things.” She looked back at Adam, opening the door. “Nice to see you again, Adam.”

“You too.”

She smiled at him. “Maybe I’ll be seeing more of you in the future?”

Adam smiled at Tommy then at his mom. “If I have my way…you’ll be seeing me a lot more in the future……..mom.”

Tommy’s eyes grew large. “Adam!”

She laughed. “I like a man who knows what he wants. Good-bye, you two.” She shut the door behind her, laughing along the way.

________________________________________  
Tommy picked up a nearby pillow and threw it at Adam. “I can’t believe you just called her ‘mom’!”

Adam caught the pillow. “Hey…she thought it was cute.”

“And why didn’t you get up?” He eyed Adam suspiciously. “Were you indisposed for some reason?”

Adam smiled and looked down. “Why don’t you come see for yourself?”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” Tommy smiled and then plopped down next to him on the floor.

“Turn around,” he demanded.

Tommy turned around and Adam spread his legs so he could scoot back. Adam pulled him back so Tommy was leaning against his chest. Slowly, he wrapped his arms around. “So…are we okay now?”

Tommy looked back at him. “How do you mean?”

“Have you forgiven me yet for not telling you about Amanda cheating on you?”

Tommy, with his head still turned to Adam, leaned his head against Adam’s chest. “I know that what you did was out of friendship…for both of us.”

“So we’re okay?”  
Tommy smiled at him. “We’re better than okay.”

He turned back around and they both were quiet for some time.

Adam kissed him on the top of his head and then whispered in his ear, “You know how much I love you, right?”

Tommy nodded. “As much as I love you, I hope,” he whispered.

“That’s why I came here,” Adam confirmed. “I wanted to make sure you didn’t forget that. You know the old saying…out of sight, out of mind.”

Tommy felt the butterflies again. “I’d never put you out of my mind…ever.”

Adam’s arms tightened around him. “So where do we go from here?”

Tommy shrugged and shyly answered him, “Hopefully to Lane’s house.”

Adam let out a little laugh. “I mean, after that.”

Tommy’s face flushed a little. “Oh…I guess you head back to LA and I move in with my mom for now and see where it takes us.” He turned around to face Adam. “I need to find a new gig. Maybe I could find one in LA? Who knows?”

“I’d like that, I really would.” Adam lifted his chin so that Tommy was looking at him. “I don’t want us to be apart, Tommy.”

“Me either.”

“We’ve spent the last few years fooling around,” he said, eyes suddenly becoming clouded over with a seriousness that Tommy'd never seen. "I don’t want to spend a few more doing that again.”

“I feel the same way…so we’re in this for the long haul?”

“Till the end, baby…you and me.”

Tommy cocked his head. “Are you sure you’re not going to tire of me?”

Adam shook his head. “I will never tire of you.”

“Even when your fan boys start throwing themselves at you?”

His forehead wrinkled. “Well…”

Tommy hit him.

“You’re the only one I want, Tommy.” He cocked his head to the side now. “And what about you? What happens when your fans start throwing themselves at you?”

“Like that will ever happen. They like me because I’m your bass player.” He laughed, shaking his head. “And even if they did…usually only girls are after me …so you’ll be okay.”

Adam grabbed his hands. “Oh, you have some fan boys too…trust me.”

Tommy smiled at him, “If I do, you can rest assured that you’ll be the only one I want. I know now that you were the only one I really ever wanted. And for as much as you went through trying to show me…I thank you.”

Adam leaned forward and pulled him in. Placing a gentle kiss on Tommy’s lips, Adam laid back and pulled Tommy down on top of him. “How bad do you want me?”

Tommy’s voice was husky with desire, “Bad.”

“Are you sure you want to head over to Lane’s house? It’s about an hour drive.”

“An hour?” Tommy gasped, appalled at the thought. “I don’t know if I can wait that long.”

Adam’s hand went up the back of Tommy’s shirt. “I know I can’t.”

He roughly pulled Tommy’s shirt up. Sitting up slightly, Tommy returned the favor by pulling Adam’s shirt off.  He froze as he stared at Adam’s naked chest.

“What’s wrong?”

Tommy tried to smile. “Just nervous, that’s all.”

Adam’s gaze traveled from his chest to his face. “I’m the one who’s nervous.”

“You…why?”

Adam reached for him and pulled him down again. “It’s been a long time for me, baby…a long time.”

Tommy looked at him questionably. “You don’t think you’ve forgotten how, do you?”

Adam laughed, placing a kiss on his nose. “God, I hope not.” He kissed Tommy on the lips to quieten his laughter. “I just hope you’re not too disappointed, that’s all.”

“Disappointed with what?”

He lowered his voice, “With how long I last. I might only be able to hold out for a few minutes.”

Tommy sat up abruptly. “A few minutes? You mean I’ve waited this long and you’re only gonna last for a few minutes?”

Adam pulled him back down. “Just be thankful I don’t have to be at the studio for a week. That’s a long time to build up my endurance.”

Tommy threw his head back and laughed. “And if that doesn’t happen?”

“We have a whole lifetime to work at it, right?”

Tommy lifted his head and cupped Adam’s face with his hands. “A whole lifetime, Adam.”

________________________________________

When the chauffeured car pulled up to the club, Tommy started to panic. He had been invited to an album wrap party. This was his first public appearance as a song writer and he was alone. He should’ve postponed it until Adam was back in town. He needed Adam here with him.  
Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and that was when he heard the car door open. Looking over, he saw Adam standing there, as handsome as ever. Tommy bent down, smiling at him. “What’re you doing here?”

Adam climbed in and shut the door. “You didn’t think I’d miss this, did you?”

“But what about…”

Adam silenced him with a kiss. And when his lips finally left Adam’s, he was speechless. It happened to him just about every time Adam kissed him that way.

"I have my ways...let's just leave it at that."

Tommy placed a hand on his tummy. “I’ve got butterflies.”

Adam laughed. “You always get butterflies when I’m around, don’t you?”

Tommy smiled. “Always and if it isn’t butterflies…then it’s my heart skipping a beat.” He looked out the window and then back to Adam. “Maybe I should’ve kept my pseudonym.”

Adam pulled him into his arms. “Will you please stop second guessing yourself,” he said, kissing Tommy’s head. “Besides…you don’t look like a Duke anyway.”

Tommy laughed. It felt like the same conversation they’d had six months earlier when Adam finally convinced him to use his real name. Adam was proud of him and he wanted the world to know it.

When Tommy sent his finished work out to over three dozen agencies a year ago, he went under his pseudonym. He didn’t want any special treatment whatsoever from anyone. Tommy wanted to sell his work on his own merit. And after thirty-five rejections, he did just that.

“Have I told you lately how proud I am of you?”

Tommy relaxed in his arms. Adam told him at least once a day. “Just this morning.”

“Well…I am very proud of you. You did this, Tommy.” He waved towards the club. “Now get in there…you shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

“Aren’t you coming?” Tommy asked in a panic.

Adam kissed him passionately on the lips before looking directly into his eyes. “No…this is your night.”

“But I want you with me.”

“I’m always with you, you know that,” he whispered. “Just like you’re always with me, even when you’re not. But today, it’s just about you, honey. I’ll wait right here for you………now go!”

Tommy opened the door, took a deep breath and got out of the car.

“Just one more thing, Tommy.”

Tommy crouched down and stuck his head back inside. “Yeah?”

Adam handed him a copy of the album, _Silent Cries, Might Echoes_ , and a pen. “Do you think maybe your boyfriend here could have an autographed copy?”

Tommy’s smile grew as the tears started to form. “I love you, Adam.” He took the album and the sharpie. Staring at it briefly, he opened it.

_I will love you for a lifetime._  
Love,  
Tommy 

**The End**  
  



End file.
